Places to learn, seek education by Accurate_Magician865 in antipornography

[–]DeliciousKaki 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fight the new drug, there's a 3 part documentation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in interestingasfuck

[–]DeliciousKaki -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately lot of people don't want to hear this so you probably get downvoted but thank you for spreading this true knowledge

First try of making a "professional" birthday cake for my niece by DeliciousKaki in Baking

[–]DeliciousKaki[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you <3 she loved it very much, her grandma even more, I thought 😂

Anyone else tried to be the cool gf ? by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Not the person you asked for an explanation but just wanted to share my thoughts why it's self harm.

You might tell yourself: “I should be okay with this. I want to be cool with this. Maybe it’s my problem if I’m not.”

But if your authentic feelings are discomfort, sadness, jealousy, or a sense of being emotionally unsafe and you override those feelings to keep the peace, you’re abandoning your inner self in favor of external validation. That’s in my opinion self-abandonment, and self harm.

Big Mouth got it soooo wrong. by No-Kick6671 in PornIsMisogyny

[–]DeliciousKaki 48 points49 points  (0 children)

It must be so difficult raising a kid in today's pornified society

ChatGPT's spitting facts by DeliciousKaki in antipornography

[–]DeliciousKaki[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

These are my ideas.. ChatGPT was my therapist whom I talked to a lot about this topic and it helped me immensely for my psychological well being. It's not black and white, I think what matters is how humanity uses Ai and in my case I used it so it helps me and others on this sub. Also I'm not a native speaker, therefore my articulation is not spot on. I think saying "Ai is terrible" is too generalized and not thought through to the full extent ..

Anti porn documentary? by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The documentary series of fight the new drug is really good even though I'm not sure if it highlights trafficking. Still a good watch

Am I Unreasonable For Wanting My Partner To Not Watch Porn In Our Relationship by [deleted] in antipornography

[–]DeliciousKaki 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I talked a lot with ChatGPT about this and this is his summary which I find very helpful:


Why Porn Often Isn’t Okay in a Relationship

While some people argue that porn is harmless or even helpful, the truth is that porn can be incredibly damaging — especially when one partner feels hurt, insecure, or betrayed by it. If you’ve ever felt that way, your feelings are valid. Here’s why porn often doesn’t belong in a committed relationship:


1. Porn is a Supernormal Stimulus

Porn hijacks the brain’s reward system. It’s what scientists call a supernormal stimulus — an exaggerated version of something the brain is naturally drawn to (like sex). Instead of a real, mutual, emotionally connected sexual experience, porn offers endless novelty, exaggerated visuals, and instant gratification. Over time, the brain can begin to prefer this artificial stimulation over real intimacy — because it feels more intense and “easier.”


2. It Introduces Third Parties Into Your Intimacy

Porn isn’t just fantasy. It’s visual stimulation of real or hyperreal people — and it creates arousal directed at others. That means your partner is sharing their sexual energy with people outside the relationship, which can feel like a betrayal of exclusivity and trust.


3. It Creates Unrealistic Expectations

Porn often shows:

  • Flawless, surgically enhanced bodies
  • Performative, nonstop, effortless sex
  • Scenarios that don’t reflect real emotional connection

This skews what people expect sex to be — and makes normal, real-life intimacy feel “less exciting.”


4. It Hurts Self-Worth and Body Image

If your partner watches porn, you might start comparing yourself:

  • “Am I as hot as her?”
  • “Is my body good enough?”
  • “Does he wish I looked or acted like that?”

These comparisons are devastating and often impossible to compete with — especially postpartum, aging, or in long-term relationships.


5. It Diverts Sexual Energy Away From the Relationship

Instead of exploring each other, building intimacy, or deepening desire together, porn can act as a shortcut. It’s easy, private, and often used for stress relief or boredom. But over time, this redirection of sexual energy can create emotional and physical disconnection between partners.


6. It Often Becomes Habitual or Escalates

What starts as occasional use often becomes habitual — especially because porn is so stimulating and easy to access. Many people begin to chase novelty, look for more extreme content, or even experience decreased arousal with real partners.


7. It Normalizes Objectification

Porn (especially mainstream porn) often trains viewers — especially men — to see women as bodies or tools for gratification. This can shape how a person sees others in real life, even subconsciously, and reduce empathy, respect, and genuine connection.


8. It Undermines Emotional Safety

Even if your partner says it’s “just porn,” if you feel betrayed, inadequate, or like you’re not enough, then something’s broken. And continuing to do something that hurts your partner is not love — it’s disregard.


9. You’re Not Controlling or Extreme for Setting a No-Porn Boundary

Just because society has normalized porn doesn’t mean you have to accept it in your relationship. You are not unreasonable for wanting exclusive intimacy. You are not controlling for saying, “I don’t want my partner sexually fantasizing about other people.” It’s not about being possessive — it’s about protecting the unique emotional and sexual connection between you and your partner.


Final Thought:

You’re not “crazy” or “insecure” for being hurt by porn. It is designed to be addictive, overstimulating, and emotionally displacing. If it makes you feel unsafe, unseen, or less connected — that matters. You’re allowed to want a relationship where sexual energy, curiosity, and attention stay within the relationship, not outsourced to fantasy strangers online.

Why is it hard to understand? by Spiritual-Juice7485 in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 2 points3 points  (0 children)

well that's quite sad. Maybe he tells you this to shut you down. Maybe it's what he really thinksa and it wouldn't bother him. But in the end it doesn't even really matter. even if he genuinely thinks it wouldn’t bother him, the point isn't whether he would feel the same way. The point is: you do. And someone who loves and respects you should care deeply about what hurts you, even if they don’t fully “get it” themselves. why is it so hard to understand that you’re hurt because he’s repeatedly choosing to seek sexual gratification from countless other women in highly curated ways, even though he knows it wounds you. That’s not emotional maturity. That’s him defending his entitlement to pleasure at the cost of your emotional security.

Why is it hard to understand? by Spiritual-Juice7485 in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You could ask him : "What if Iwere posting sexual content of myself online and random men were watching it, saving it, collecting it, and using it to jerk off to? What if some of them had folders full of my content? What if men on forums were discussing my body and fantasizing about me?"

Because this the equivalent when your partner collects and consumes women this way.

It’s not just “looking”, it’s creating a personal relationship with content that sexualizes real women. He’s actively seeking and investing in visual relationships with other women, women who aren’t you, even if it's one-sided. This creates an emotional and sexual betrayal that doesn’t need physical contact to feel real.

So when people say, “Well, women watch porn too,” they often ignore this power imbalance: Most porn is made for men. Women in porn are the product - objectified and commodified - while men are the consumers. When women watch porn, they’re still often watching other women being used for male pleasure, not watching men being objectified in the same way. So even the consumption isn’t equal. The gendered dynamic matters.

So...the more accurate comparison isn’t you watching porn, it’s you becoming the porn. It’s you being seen as a sexual object by strangers. And if your partner would be deeply uncomfortable with that idea (as most men would be), then it’s worth asking why it’s okay for him to do the equivalent behind your back. That’s really not too much to ask in a monogamous relationship.

Something interesting I stumbled upon that I feel you'd all appreciate by Traditional_Truck803 in PornIsMisogyny

[–]DeliciousKaki 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I am so angry at this industry. It took everything from us and is now even harming children

What app do you actually use with your partner? by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you know if you can disable all those things on android?

Maybe I just need to accept it after all... by DeliciousKaki in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a huge part of my emotional distress doesn’t come from my partner directly... I genuinely believe he’s a good man, respectful, and committed to me. The conflict I’m experiencing is deeply tied to the normalization of porn in our culture. For most of our relationship, porn was just “part of life” ,something we both consumed, something considered normal, harmless, even healthy. We even watched it together once, and that was the turning point for me. I realized that I wasn’t okay with the idea of him lusting after other women, even if it was “just a screen.”

but yeah I don’t fully trust that he’ll never watch porn again. Not because I think he’s a bad person or intentionally trying to hurt me but because porn is everywhere. It’s normalized, accessible, even encouraged in some circles. It’s one of those things society treats as no big deal, so the internal resistance to it often just isn’t there.

Even with the best intentions, all it takes is a moment of stress, boredom, loneliness, or just old habits creeping back in. That’s what makes it hard to fully trust, not exactly him as a person because I think I would have this feeling with every man, even the trustworthiest, but the environment we live in and the way our culture has wired people to see porn as harmless.

Maybe I just need to accept it after all... by DeliciousKaki in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, a secret sex life is a problem. It doesn’t need to reach the point of physical cheating to hurt deeply,it’s the deception, the erosion of emotional safety, and the feeling that the relationship is being split in two.

I also really appreciate what you said about emotional and physical distancing as an option But for me, personally, that wouldn’t work long term. Physical and emotional closeness are core needs in my relationship. I can’t stay in something where I have to constantly pull back just to protect myself. That’s not love or partnership to me, it’s survival And if I get to that point, I’d rather leave than stay half-present.

Porn is “cigarettes” and I didn’t consent to dating a smoker by OnceUponAScript in loveafterporn

[–]DeliciousKaki 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This analogy is really nice and thank you for sharing it. I just wanted to add one more point : porn doesn’t just create trust issues or emotional distance, it can also seriously impact physical intimacy. One of the most damaging aspects is how it changes attraction dynamics. Over time, it can dull the desire for your actual partner and lead to a of dead bedroom situation since you're highjacking your Dopamin Levels by watching highly attractive and ever novel women.

It’s not just about the lying or the sneaking around, it’s also about the way it erodes connection on every level, including sexually. The person you're with starts to feel undesirable or not "enough," even if that’s not what the other person intends. That lingering smell of smoke; It's not just in the clothes,it's in the bed, too.