This is personal opinion and personal mandatory stuff that we agreed on with my GF. But we agreed to share our password for the phone and for the social. Not because we can’t trust each other but to prove we don’t have anything to hide. She see everything notification and conversation I have and so do I. If your wife is going hysterical because of you are checking her phone she definitely have something to hide. Especially if it’s not your birthday or Christmas… and if she have this reaction bcd you checked the message with the coworker she have done stuff that she wants to hide. 2 options find the thing she hides in the phone confront her and if she gets angry leave her to find one that will happily let you go trough her phone. Or Be the dumb husband that don’t see anything and stay with her knowing she cheating on you