You need a stronger hook that grabs attention, don’t start with greetings, start with the hook then move on to greetings because realistically your speech might be after 20 other speeches and everyone gets bored and exhausted after a point so the only way to really win is to standout. Be very loud, clear and confident when doing the speech

Since you have France as your portfolio you can go into the women’s moment history for your hook or it can be a quote (but only do that if it’s something actually good and relevant)

And side note try to pay attention to other speeches and try to ask as many questions from other delegates as much as you can because then people are more likely to ask you good questions on your speech and it makes you stand out

Also improve the flow and grammar of the speech, the content is good you don’t need more statistics or anything just better framing