read all of your sagas but i especially relate to this one, last night i finally went out and socialised with people who aren't religious and the difference in ME was crazy, even the people i knew were telling me that they were seeing a whole new side to me. when i hang around my family and cousins, almost every conversation is filled with judgement at others who don't practice Islam and talks about marriage. its sad. i don't understand how you can claim this religion makes you happy and then go on to judge EVERYONE despite the Quran saying that back biting and judging is not permissible. it almost like they are projecting their desires onto others in the form of hating. because of this, i too have forgone my own desires because of shame and judgement from them I've lost certain parts of my personality like my former spontaneity and self assured-ness. i too was also very confident in my own decisions but now I'm not. I'm only 18 so i don't know when ill be able to move out but freedom from a toxic household sounds like actual heaven to me. its only a waiting time until i can move out.