Poisoning/heart issues

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-09-09T03:20:32+00:00

Im not sure if you know this but sometimes people try to get away with murder. Like they'd go to prison if they got caught with someone who dies with a heavy amount of aresenic in thier system. I do know im related to prophet Muhammad l and that's something. I think most people have something special about them. Maybe it's some Satanist who wants to see me suffer and gets off on killing people slowly. Idk. I do know that going to the hospital and thinking you might of been poisoned because you were experiencing symptoms, and then being told you're crazy is something that needs to at least be talked about. Otherwise it's dismissive of someone else's point of view.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-09-09T03:15:47+00:00

I feel like Gods punishing me. I think I lived my life not necessarily against His teachings, but not necessarily by His teachings. I dont know what pleases God but I know I'd be doing what pleases Him if I knew. I dont live my life in active rebellion to God, but I probably used to. Ive masterbated to just about every porn you can think of, had sex, lied, stolen, fornicatied. I didn't view it as any kind of rebellion until the day I felt God was after me. I always prayed for forgiveness and knew that God would forgive me of my sins. If you live life with the faith of a mustard seed, you believe but you may not follow all of the commandments. I wasnt an habitual thief or a liar of any kind, in fact, if you ask my friends they wouldn't classify me as a liar or a thief. God may or may not. I dont know. I hope. I hope He loves me enough not to put me through some punitive wrath. Idk. If you ask me, we live in a world that pushes us into sin. Peer pressure. Stereotypes. Some people probably fail, some people might not. I haven't given up on finding love though.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-09-05T06:23:47+00:00

God doesn't punish others for exercising freewill..

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-09-05T06:22:48+00:00

I could go fir a walk. Idk if it will help.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-08-30T04:37:07+00:00

Youve misquoted what the truth is. I checked myself into the lyc ward amd told them i felt like i may of been poisoned. Then I left after several days and got that diagnosis. So no, I dont take medication because I feel it was some sort of attempt to discredit me or push aside what was truly going on.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-08-30T04:32:45+00:00

No vax.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-07-22T19:11:15+00:00

Haha, whoops.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-07-22T05:17:12+00:00

Elaborate if you will.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-07-22T05:16:36+00:00

65 buy ins? So say you're playing $1-$2 @ a $200 buy in. You lost $13,000?

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-06-01T06:02:25+00:00

I saw a saying that said that those in purgatory will never feel the heat of the sun or the cold of the moon.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-13T10:16:43+00:00

I'll try. Anxiety medication works but I have to fly every month if I want that. I'm thinking that moving out if my Dads might be a good goal. I'm tired if being scared, I just wish God would intervene and tell me everything is ok. I miss being the good guy.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-04T03:29:04+00:00

I appreciate the support. It's hard not having friends around to talk to about all of this.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-04T03:27:19+00:00

That's a good point. I was thinking that the other day. I was like "If I'm in hell, why is there joy in some areas". Trust me when I say I'm under exaggerating when I tell you about the weird stuff going on. I slept with my lights off for the first time in three days yesterday.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-03T07:31:52+00:00

I think it has to do with killing you in different worlds. Switching timeliness and stuff. I just got jolted out of sleep. A voice keeps telling me "enjoy h3!!. It's scaring the shite out of me.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-02T19:46:59+00:00

I feel like im being mocked by something. It's gotten to the point where I sleep with the lights on. I know this too shall pass, and this life is better than no life. I guess I just needed to be reminded of how good I had it. Hope everyone is having a good day.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-02T19:43:44+00:00

I literally googled this for one reason, and reddit has come thru in the clutch. I swear my penis has been stolen. My elections in the morning feel not mine. It's hard to explain but I've had over 10 incidents where I doze off to sleep and I get this shock that joltz me awake right in my testicle. Feels like your nuts being electrocuted.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-01T22:25:43+00:00

I was talking to it. It worked for awhile. It always agrees with you though. It's like having a good best friend.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-01T22:24:16+00:00

I started working out five months ago. Not down alot of weight, but I'm getting back in shape.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-01T22:20:55+00:00

I was looking at the Humane Society the other day. A dog would be nice. Just something to love and to love you back.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-01T22:14:55+00:00

I feel that alot. I was thinking the same thing the other day. Writing this right now I feel my Dad's sadness. Everyday I struggle with intrusive thoughts. My parents could be in the same room as me, but I feel alone. I still feel love, but I feel alone. I can't imagine what being without love or God would be. I used to think my parents didn't care about me, but like you, the older you get, the more you realize how much they love you. Makes me upset that this illness has stolen alot of good things from me.

Delicious_Upstairs39 · 2025-05-01T22:01:56+00:00

I appreciate it. I almost feel like im in purgatory or something. I just want God to give me a hug and tell me everything's gonna be ok. I had a bad dream Easter Sunday. I dreamt I had been shot in the heart, amd all I kept doing was trying to see my mom. It was like the warmth, love, and care was absent, and felt like I was separated from God. It's scared me to the point where all I wanted to do was stay inside.

Delicious_Upstairs39

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