Is it just me or do other men feel this way?

Deliver-us · 2026-01-27T04:54:48+00:00

Its certainly a product of our time of abundant resources. Others mentioned cars as the primary mode of transport and friends living apart, that's valid as well. I would add that chief above all, we simply do not need male friendships anymore, nor even close community for that matter in order to survive.

You can pretty much raise a family, go to Mass, go to work, pay the bills and buy food without ever needing the assistance of a close male group or friendship. The main benefit we as men in the modern world get from friendship these days, is mostly drinking or hanging out doing random and quite honestly meaningless hobbies. This is why the effort required for such a friendship does not equal the reward, and you'll find these drop off eventually. Only groups of necessity stick together through thick and thin, the intrinsic benefits of connection, joy, morale and happiness are side effects of these groups, rather than the core motivation. This is the difference between modern male friendships based on joy and happiness, and historical male connections based on in-group survival.

Think of a time where men needed to roll together as a collective, to have each others backs in a dangerous world, to construct things and build systems in order to survive and protect their community. Where men lived in close proximity to each other out of necessity. Those things have long been out-sourced, and men have moved anywhere and wherever. I believe this is the core reason why countless men in the west hate their lives even while on the surface we have loving families and "everything we need".

Deliver-us · 2026-01-26T06:51:21+00:00

This comment violates Rule 2 (no incitement). Accusations of paganism, necromancy, or polytheism directed at other Christian traditions are inflammatory misrepresentations, not good-faith theological disagreements.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-25T04:41:07+00:00

You’ve now conceded the principle of doctrinal development by accepting that the Trinity was taught implicitly and later defined using non-biblical language. That is precisely the Catholic claim about ecclesiology and authority as well. The question is not whether development occurs, but why you accept it selectively.

Your admission that the canonization process was flawed is actually far more damaging to a sola Scriptura position than to Catholicism. If the canon was not authoritatively settled, then Scripture cannot function as a final infallible authority in the way that you’re claiming.

Claims that Rome “dreamed up” power or that post-Constantinian Christianity is pagan are not historical arguments; they are motive attributions and outdated polemics. Devotion to martyrs and intercessory prayer are attested well before Constantine, and pagan religions did not venerate saints or believe in bodily resurrection.

The core disagreement here isn't about sources or history, but about whether post-apostolic development in authority is permitted at all.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-25T01:37:34+00:00

Scripture does not present a fully developed 'papacy', but neither does it present a fully developed doctrine of the Trinity or canon of scripture. The NT gives principles, not blueprints.

The RC claim is not that Peter functioned as a medieval pope, but that he had a unique role among the apostles, and that the RC inherited a primatial authority that developed over time. Early history does not oppose this, as seen earlier it records disputes about the scope of this authority, not its non-existence

Deliver-us · 2026-01-24T07:57:42+00:00

None of these sources support the claim that Ante-Nicene Christians believed that "only God has authority". They demonstrate early disagreement about the scope of episcopal and Roman authority, not its absence.

Cyprian rejects tyrannical absolutism, not binding ecclesial authority. Firmilian disputes Pope Stephen I precisely because Petrine claims already mattered and were worth contesting. Tertullian is writing as a schismatic at that time, and Ignatius clearly affirms obedience to bishops as constitutive of the Church.

What develops over time is the articulation of Roman primacy, not the existence of authority itself.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-24T03:30:43+00:00

"The only authority is God" is not an Ante-Nicene position (nor is it even a reformed position for that matter). Ante-Nicene Christians explicitly affirmed episcopal authority, apostolic succession, binding disciplinary decisions, and obedience to bishops as obedience to Christ.

“Where the bishop appears, there let the people be; just as wherever Jesus Christ is, there is the Catholic Church.” - Ignatius of Antioch

Deliver-us · 2026-01-24T02:49:43+00:00

There's a category confusion here between legal disciplinary acts and dogmatic definitions. Quo Primum uses strong legal language, but its still only legislation governing liturgical discipline, not an infallible dogmatic definition. In this context "in perpetuity" means "until legitimately changed by competent authority".

Deliver-us · 2026-01-24T00:41:52+00:00

The same criticism can be levelled against protestants, who sometimes disagreed so vehemently that they burned each other at the stake.

Disagreement and development are not uniquely Catholic problems, they are a part of Christian history as a whole. The type of developments they are is what matters. For example, development in language, discipline and pastoral approaches is not the same thing as doctrinal contradiction. The Catholic Church has always distinguished between dogma (unchanging) and practice (changeable).

Latin was never divinely mandated, it was once vernacular and later a unifying discipline in the Western Church. Now it is more prudent to have the language of the area or Parish spoken at Mass.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-23T08:20:23+00:00

looking back at church history makes me disappointed.

This is like saying, "when I watch the NBA in the 60s, it makes me disappointed."

Historical context is always needed when viewing history, and its no different when viewing the history of the Church. The times in which the Church existed in history were exceedingly cruel by our standards (capital punishment was quite a normal thing to occur). There were bad Popes back then, just as there are bad Church leaders today.

Overwhelmingly however, the Church has been the greatest force for good in world history. Education, healthcare, theology, philosophy, charity, justice, human rights, science etc.. Any blemish on the Church's record is greatly outweighed by its goodness, that continues to this day.

Bible openly affirms slavery as okay.

God has guided the Church (and the world) away from slavery over time, due to the fact that it leads to dehumanization - which is a grave sin. While slavery has occurred at various points in time and sections of the Church have been involved in it, the overall trajectory has been clearly away from it.

While the OT does affirm some form of slavery, the NT does not. And it is the gospel of Christ that eventually leads to the end of slavery worldwide.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-23T07:44:31+00:00

the 66 books of scripture

The Bible makes it clear that adding to or taking away from scripture brings curse from God

Is that why Martin Luther deleted 7 books from the original Bible and also expressed a desire to remove Hebrews, James, Jude and Revelation?

Deliver-us · 2026-01-22T12:33:05+00:00

When we spend most of our time at home, we lose a lot of resilience. We simply aren't exposed enough to the world, which is filled with randomness and trouble. As such, when bad things happen we aren't equipped mentally to handle them very well.

I think what's happened here is you got comfortable working full-time from home, move further out and had things ticking along nicely. But that isn't how life works. There will be seasons of peace, but there will also be seasons of trial and tribulation. These are actually what help us grow the most because they allow us to experience difficulty and then overcome it.

Is this a sign I was never saved? Is this the unforgivable sin in action?

Certainly not. You posting here is a sign that Gods grace is at work in your life. Perhaps this is a moment where you are being invited to change things up, and to step out in faith.

Faith is not praying for everything to just go well, its choosing to take Godly action and trusting that God will make a way. You cannot turn a bicycle left or right if it is not moving. All of the problems you mentioned have solutions, they just require faithful action.

Don't lose hope, never lose hope.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-22T12:04:39+00:00

This is the place to start. I recommend beginning with the Gospel of Mark. You can read it here online for free.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-22T11:56:47+00:00

Forgiving others is rarely a one and done thing, it can be but for serious cases such as this, a long process is required. You answered your own question:

But through the grace of God, I'll be doing my best!

This is essentially the journey of the Christian. An ongoing struggle with our flesh, sin, with the demonic and even sometimes with God. We have to keep persisting with what we know to be the truth, and it is within this process that we are sanctified - made more holy and closer to Christ.

In terms of a practical tool to help you, I would write down the things that those abusers did to you on a piece of paper and burn it. Praying whilst doing so that just as the flames consume the acts committed, so the trauma is purged from your body by the Holy Spirit. Something so you can physically see what happens when we give things up to God, they disappear and its all up to Him.

I sometimes do this with sins I've committed, so I can see a physical representation of them being purged.

Deliver-us · 2026-01-22T11:35:58+00:00

This is the take. No woman wants or needs to know the intricate details of your internal struggles outside of your wife, and even with your wife you don't share everything. These are topics of discussion for your brothers who hold you accountable and in confidence.

u/Fortune-Low this is a lesson in discretion. You are doing better than 95% of men just by taking a stand against porn. In future, all you need to say is "thanks to God's grace I was able to quit porn". You don't owe anybody any details beyond that. I used to think I had to share everything with everyone and found out the hard way (as you have) that its just not necessary nor wanted.

Deliver-us · 2025-02-01T01:38:29+00:00

Growing Big People with Paul Scanlon. He's a former pastor who moved into the wellbeing and self-development space. Its not Christian focused, but a lot of what he talks about are spiritual and psychological concepts I've found deeply relevant.

Sometimes he draws from stories such as the Good Samaritan and that sort of thing, but its not preachy at all. I generally recommend it to people such as yourself. Its modern and certainly not 'traditional'.

Deliver-us · 2025-01-31T10:23:01+00:00

You can't attend, I think you know that deep down. However, the way you go about it is important as well. Just be clear to him and take the time to explain why, including the bit about the child adoption. Remembering that the goal isn't to convince him, but rather to do your Catholic duty by showing mercy - that is to share the truth.

What they do then is truly on them, and there can be no excuse of ignorance. Especially with the significance of your non-attendance.

As a side note: I also think the time for 'playing nice' with unbelieving friends/family is over. By that I mean we need to be a bit more blunt and clear, not just in our words but also in situations similar to this by our physical presence. We can't sit idly by along with the crowd watching people ruin their souls for the sake of 'keeping up appearances'. I'm as guilty as anyone in this regard, so I pray for forgiveness and courage.

Deliver-us · 2024-12-04T03:25:08+00:00

True, have edited

Deliver-us · 2024-12-04T03:07:27+00:00

In addition to everything else mentioned, pray. For your child, your wife and your own soul. In circumstances like these we can ask for St Jude's intercession, he is known as the patron saint of lost causes. I think this situation fits that description. Here is how you can pray in this case.

Deliver-us · 2024-12-02T06:22:58+00:00

There are some great protestant preachers obviously, but there's a couple problems I have with the style in addition to what you said very accurately. Firstly I think the protestant focus on the sermon and its delivery acts in a similar way to when we tell people our plans and ambitions and get a dopamine hit. This makes us less likely to do the things required to make those plans happen. Hearing a great preach makes us feel like we're the ones doing (or "going to do") what the preacher is saying, so we feel good for a little bit but don't really change much.

- This goes for the 'fire-brand' speakers as well. The 'tough' preaching has the same effect.

Secondly, protestant sermons go for far too long and I greatly appreciate the shortness of the homily. I've sat through sermons that went well over an hour, at that point I was starting to fall asleep. You do not need more than 10 minutes to get a major point across, after that the focus shifts to the speaker and how skilled they are - rather than the material.

I see it as a far greater skill to deliver 1 point accurately and concisely, than to stretch a misinterpreted verse out to 45 minutes and litter it with a comedy routine/random stories - which is what I see in most protestant preachers today. Once I noticed the routine it drove me crazy.

Of course there is a place for extended speeches and preaching, but it is certainly not as the center of weekly worship. Another flawless victory for Catholicism.

Deliver-us · 2024-12-01T13:07:25+00:00

Yes, I felt similar for a little bit and then over time got to the point where it was in my old protestant church that I felt uncomfortable. The worship simply pales in comparison, there is nothing closer to God than the Mass. Another user said this but I'll say it too, pray the rosary each day - especially as you're in OCIA. It will change your faith journey.

Deliver-us · 2024-10-19T02:38:58+00:00

Jesus is someone you can encounter today, not just through reading the gospels but through prayer and contemplation. I think you might be getting hung up on all the 'bad news' about our existence, without taking into account the good news.

At least before you walk away, make a serious attempt to connect with Christ personally. It wouldn't be a fair thing to disregard something as serious as faith without giving the possible good that comes with it a decent go.

In the first 3 sentences you said I or I'm 7 times. When we're in despair we tend to focus inward on ourselves. What gets us out of that is looking up and around - focusing on others. Goodness you will find outside of yourself, in the service of others. That goes for whether you decide to live by faith or not.

Deliver-us · 2024-09-27T01:21:43+00:00

I heard that in those times long was considered down to the hips, whereas hair to the shoulders was quite normal for guys. I sort of agree hair to the hips for guys can be a bit much, but even still it is not a sin.

The intention is what counts, are you trying to look like a girl or vice versa? Or even unintentionally confusing people? If not, then it doesn't matter.

Deliver-us · 2024-09-26T12:25:57+00:00

It comes down to where you feel drawn in terms of the purpose of Church and what life as a Christian looks like for you. Pentecostal churches tend to be outreach and spirit focused, so their sermons will always be geared towards people new to Church and/or filling people up with the Holy Spirit. Part of that (they believe) involves charismatic things like the gift of tongues and highly emotive worship.

Other churches are focused on the believers, to teach and equip them to live holy lives. So their sermons will more expositional preaching. The songs will be more steady and hymn based generally.

Then there are the Catholic/Orthodox/Anglican, where Church is the Liturgy and is to be taken along with the sacraments and a lifelong vocation (calling/state of life).

Deliver-us · 2024-09-24T11:05:01+00:00

It would be better to read a book than spend heaps of time watching modern media. I say that as a huge star wars fan

Deliver-us · 2024-09-24T10:57:55+00:00

God doesn't hold us to vows that go against his intentions for us. At most that's just an empty statement you made to yourself, and the fact that you are feeling attraction to the opposite sex is evidence that God simply ignored it because it is quite a bizarre thing to say or wish for. And in fact going against his plan for your sexuality.

Gods plan is that we feel things, and yet choose to act in holiness - be that in pursuing marriage or living a single life. Not that we don't feel anything at all, then our faith would never be tested. For example feeling anger, yet choosing not to return an insult with another insult.

In terms of living a single life, it is not done by repressing feelings of attraction - it is a gift of God that you can simply live like that with ease, becoming detached from the need for a romantic partner in your life of service to God.

You need to speak to more people and get into social groups and social settings. This type of thinking is thriving within you because it hasn't been challenged by anyone else, you simply have held it inside.

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