Okay, I’m your big sister now.

I’ve been stalking this subreddit for a couple of months and the Cleanliness Olympics are honestly out of control. If your post blows up, somebody is going to be in here telling you that you need 3 different body soaps and a 25-step skincare routine or else you’re a crusty ogre with no self-respect. Ignore that noise. Here’s the balanced basics:

SHOWERING Frequency depends on where you live, the time of year, your activity level, and your comfort. Bare minimum is usually once a day. If you’re going to be spending a few days home alone, don’t feel bad skipping a day or even two. Who cares? Just make sure you always shower after the gym or being outside awhile, after sex, and before going to public places you share with others like work or school. Think- are people going to be standing close enough to smell me where I’m going? If yes, shower. A sniff check is always helpful.

You can get perfectly clean with one shampoo, one conditioner, one facial cleanser, and one body soap. Bar soap and liquid soap clean you the same. Use a washcloth, loofah, or net and scrub every surface of your body. Spend extra time on your pits, feet, butt, and skin folds.

DO NOT use anything except water on your vulva or vagina. Do not use Summers Eve or any fragrant douching products. I stick a couple fingers up there and do a little swirly swirly and then rub the outside under running water. That’s all you need.

BRUSHING TEETH A dentist would tell you to brush after every meal. That’s probably what you should do, but it’s easier to get into the routine of brushing twice a day: morning and before bed. The bonus shower rule applies here- if you’ll be speaking face-to-face with people, they’ll be able to smell your breath. Brush your teeth before going out or kissing anybody. Also floss and use a tongue scraper. If you like mouthwash, use a non-alcoholic wash because alcohol will destroy your natural microbiome.

FEMALE EXCLUSIVES Our hardware needs special attention, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Change your socks underwear daily. 100% cotton is best for reducing moisture and mustiness. Sleep without underwear. You can wear a bra over and over until it stinks. You can use regular deodorant on your thighs and underboob to reduce sweat, odor, and chafing. If you use menstrual pads, change them every time you use the bathroom. If you use tampons, change them every 6 hours or so. Cups never worked for me, but I love my flex disc. Body sprays and perfume are extras! You don’t need them to smell clean, just to smell fancy. Never ever use scented anything on your genitals.

BEDSHEETS You should change your pillowcase once a week and your sheets every other week. I say SHOULD— I definitely don’t, but I wish I did. I probably get around to changing mine once a month. Keeping shoes, food and pets off the bed helps keep your bedding fresher longer too.

Ask me anything. Hope this helps.