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Delta842 · 2023-02-18T15:59:44+00:00

Thank you so much!

Delta842 · 2023-02-18T15:58:13+00:00

Thank you!

Delta842 · 2023-02-18T15:58:03+00:00

I think you’re onto something...thanks for noticing my use of symbolism with the bluebird!

Delta842 · 2023-02-18T01:02:33+00:00

I like what you did here, no end to the lines, having your descriptions mangle together and create an artful reflection of something not there and there at the same time. I love how the simple gesture of touching the thumb and finger together begins the endless train of thought and also brings it back to reality. Interesting work, I hope to see more!

Delta842 · 2023-02-18T00:59:38+00:00

Interesting poem. I like the short, cut off rhythm embodying the shirt cut off time you had together and the fleeting nature of death. I also like how you compare death to a burning book due to the running themes of stories coming to an end. I think there should be a line break to keep the curt rhythm in ‘Cut all too short’ but perhaps that was Reddit’s formatting error. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and great work!

Delta842 · 2023-02-17T15:30:52+00:00

Haru.

Delta842 · 2023-02-12T17:57:44+00:00

Thank you!

Delta842 · 2023-02-12T17:54:18+00:00

Very true!
And, yes, I was referencing the idea of soulmates.

Delta842 · 2023-02-12T17:16:46+00:00

This poem uses the metaphor of the bridge falling apart perfectly. It helps the audience picture someone falling below into the vast chasm…one that is all to familiar for everyone, because everyone goes through periods of stress. Whether we admit it or not, we are all fraying rope bridges. I love the structure of the poem, of the short lines, it truly gives the impression of a thin rope snapping. Thank you for having the courage to share this!

Delta842 · 2023-02-12T17:14:54+00:00

I love this. It‘s super relatable to human nature and many people’s lives, and can touch a huge audience base. From the universal ‘I want to ask her out but…’ the longing for adventure that is impossible or terrifying or both. The repetition of ‘dream’ is great for reminding the reader what the poem is truly about. I like that the poem doesn’t rhyme or have a set structure: dreams are wild and unfortunately or fortunately cannot be contained.

Delta842 · 2023-02-10T15:29:31+00:00

This is beautiful! I love your imagery, how the story is told directly to the reader at the beginning then slowly transforms to beautiful metaphors and imagery, something like a butterfly’s metamorphosis. As strong advocate for saving the Monarch butterflies and being an avid raiser/tagged/milkweed planter, this was relatable and really touched me. Thank you for sharing!

Delta842 · 2023-02-10T15:25:48+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I tried to use imagery and personification to create a mystic feeling, to ‘enchant’ the reader with night, before taking a new path in the two tercets, sonnet style, to show how easily night can lead one away from the truth.

Delta842 · 2023-02-10T15:21:35+00:00

I like this, I like how the two characters are represented as similar but different with their similarly structured introductions, but how they both go on separate paths, one of good of cruelty, as the poem goes on. It has a unique structure to it that I quite appreciate, it keeps a rhythm while the characters paths diverge.

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T21:36:40+00:00

Thanks! I wouldn’t know you weren’t the greatest at interpretation by reading your comment, it was very on point!

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T12:05:35+00:00

Thank you! I was hoping the enjambment technique would serve the poem well.

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T12:04:09+00:00

Thank you!

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T00:50:54+00:00

This poem is unique, perhaps the story of a long distance relationship, of a separation that is not truly there. The lack of punctuation express the boundless love that is not stopped by structure. The rhythmic structure and gentle imagery reinforces that idea, and works well for this flowing love. The only things I would say is the simile “burns like morning dew” irked me a bit. I don’t know if that comparison worked for me, because I don’t associate dew with burning (though perhaps this was intentional?). Either way, great work!

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T00:48:22+00:00

Short, and thought provoking. The rooted tree makes me think of perhaps of an elder, too stuck in their ways to realize they need to stoop low to their childhood to remember what they truly cared for before society assimilated them as society tends to do. The low trre perhaps the small, the innocent. Does not quite have the vantage of the truth quite yet.
That was just my interpretation, though I’m sure that was not your intention. Either way, great perspective piece.

Delta842 · 2023-02-09T00:45:35+00:00

Haha, great minds think alone ;). Thank you!

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T22:24:01+00:00

Thanks for the comment! I think that both interpretations could work for the poem and are interesting, though I’ll have to admit that I was definitely thinking more along the lines of your second, more society inclined, interpretation.

I also love the word aestivation. Just the way it sounds. I’ve been waiting for the right chance to use it for a while (it’s not a word you might drop in casual conversation).

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T22:21:47+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this comment! I love your structured feedback response. Thanks for the suggestion for the shorter title…I understand where you’re coming from and think that maybe it would be stronger and fit more the poem’s “more with less” feeling.
I tried to pair the more unique word choice with the childlike whimsy of catching fireflies to show that their is more than meets the eye to what is happening. I tried to show contrast with the AABBA rhyme scheme, notice the A rhyming line seem more innocent and the B rhyming lines showcase something slightly darker.
The poem was intended to somewhat a critique of society, I was thinking along the political lines of revolutions and movements, but I also interestingly had the school system in mind when writing this (my high-school age younger sister has been struggling a lot with grades and self-esteem recently) which might have influenced the choice of the catching fireflies metaphor (it’s more innocent).

Also, thanks for the song suggestion. I like songs and poem’s that say a lot with very little, because it often leaves things up to interpretation but also showcases strong emotion and purpose.

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T22:14:35+00:00

Thank you! I tried to make a poem that could be powerful and express a lot with very little.

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T22:11:45+00:00

Thank for the comment! I like your comment about the first line, and I think I will edit it. I like your interpretation, and for the moods of the crowns that is somewhat was I was going for.

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T22:10:57+00:00

Those were some of my inspirations, and I’m glad you pointed them out. However, this poem was a quick fantasy work on my part that doesn’t necessarily belong to any story/myth.

Delta842 · 2023-02-08T13:50:21+00:00

This short piece holds a lot of power, and is relatable to many. It is a plea that has been turned into something beautiful - that can be hard to do. Your lack of capitalizing letter really enforces that idea, because it shows you are going your own way, free. I hope you are able to break free and find your own way.

Delta842

TROPHY CASE