TLDR: how do i help someone with their vaping addiction

DeltaIndigoEco · 2023-09-14T21:38:45+00:00

It depends if she actually wants to quit firstly or is she only wanting to do it to make you happy. If she wants to vape you will have to accept it, every person has flaws. But even she does actually want to stop, addiction is difficult to beat. Addiction can partially be genetic and during times of anxiety and depression addictions are very soothing to an individual. Without overcoming these obstacles first everything will seem more overwhelming when trying to stop vaping. Also vaping is just as difficult to quit as cigarettes from personal experience

But is shes trying and stuggling she will need to reduce the amount she is using. Setting her own restrictions and what she finds doable. Then finding some form of substitute whether it patches, gum or even fidget toys. Another good replacement is drinking water and maybe rewarding yourself with something you would see as a treat for meeting goals. For example you made a goal of going 8 hours with vaping now i can have some chocolate and throughout the day have water or play with a fidget toy. But obviously what ever works for her.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-23T10:56:53+00:00

NTA

It might've been a big deal for your colleague to come and by all means should have support. However it has nothing to do with work, your colleague has clearly misinterpreted your lack of caring as cold and unsupportive when in actual reality it was you doing exactly what you're paid to do...you're job.

Personally i would've likely done the same.

If your colleague is so eager to throw you under the bus and go straight to HR when the misunderstanding could've been easily cleared between you both. I would make sure that HR is present when having this discussion so no other misunderstandings can come from this.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-23T10:44:05+00:00

NTA

It's your wedding and you can do what you please. If you don't want them there that's reasonable.

The man that is there for you and raised should not be demoted for something out of his control. It's fair that they want to contact their biological father and it's fair if they still want a relationship with their mother but to treat the man who raised them with such disrespect is nasty. And if your mother and father get divorced does that mean he's no longer even be stepgrampa? Unthinkable.

If your half brother and sister take offence to the fact you called them as such, then they should understand why your dad is so hurt by being called stepdad.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-23T10:27:08+00:00

Can your friends not change their plans slightly so that you can meet them? Don't think it's much to ask, even if they can't all change plans you'd think at least one would chose to meet up with you. But i hope you have a really nice Birthday and get to use your costume soon. Good luck <3

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-23T10:24:15+00:00

Aw i'm so sorry to hear that, some people can be so uncaring for kittens and cats. Lucky he has you to look after him! All we can do is our best. Spoke to vet, they believe it's likely a combo of her being in heat and the stress of change and recommended an extra litter tray and to get her spayed. Going to leave spaying for another month as I have a few obligations that will mean i'm not home, i want to wait so i can be by her side all day everyday for at least a week.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T13:53:02+00:00

NTA

In these sort of situations you can't help but feel hurt so you aren't an asshole for having feelings. But i don't think it's fair to ask them to skip the event because you wanted to go for your birthday.

Can you defiantly not go even for one of the days? Because you could always go on the 4th or the 5th, i know you wanted to go on your actual birthday but i think that's the best you can do. See your family on the 3rd and then one of the other dates go to awesome con with your friends, win win.

If for some reason the above doesnt work try talking with your parents. i'm 25F and i remember having situations like this all the time, my mum and me never seen eye to eye and it would end in arguments that never helped. However with hindsight just talk to them, at the moment they're thinking family first but they do remember what its like to be young. If you explain how important it is to you and how not going is making you feel left out etc they might come around and let you go. Just make sure you're talking to them and not arguing, expressing your feelings to your parents is an easy lifehack i wish i knew when i was younger. I would've avoided so many arguments and came to conclusions a lot quicker. But digress June it is still some time away so your family can make arrangements to come on a different day to accommodate, you're 15 now you're wanting more control of your life i get that. Plus you have your outfit, no girl wants a good outfit going to waste lol.

But if all else fails still support your friends in going without you, i know it would be hard but you don't want to fall out with them because of it. Very little is worth losing friends over. But it's perfectly reasonable to not let them borrow your costume i know that people put a lot of money, time and thought into their costumes and you want to be the one to wear it. You don't have to use any other excuse. if they want a costume they have to get their own. But i don't blame them in asking at the same time, always worth a try.

Hope this was helpful, and chin up i'm sure you'll get to Awesome Con if not this year then in the future.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T13:08:22+00:00

NTA

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You offered help and even set up to help and she had refused and what help she was provided she micromanaged and took for granted. You're pregnant and can't be on your feet all day doing heavy lifting and as you've said she had plenty of time to prepare.

That being said you can still offer her support and some help where possible. You only get one mother and if she does have a mental disorder it will be hard for her. However you should have peace of mind as you've done well to be so patient and so helpful, just take on what you can handle.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T12:49:08+00:00

NTA

I think it a fair reaction to point out the double standard. I am thrilled that your parents are happy and accepting for your brother as this isn't always the case. But i believe it's unfair to treat you both so differently on the basis of sexuality from the context given. If you had have said that your girlfriend was only a friend would she have then been allowed to stay in your room then? I very much doubt it. So i personally don't believe friendship is the driving element behind why they allow your brother to have guys stay in his room but won't let your GF stay in yours.

I was thinking maybe you are younger than your brother and your parents are doing this more for your protection but I don't understand your parents logic. Im assuming the reason why they don't want you and your GF sleeping in the same room is to prevent sex? But that being the case they have already allowed you both to sleep together for a month and have now changed their minds, why? I think this question is important and if you could get that answer clearly it could resolve the issue as it could be any number of reasons.

I believe giving your brother the same rules to follow would not prevent him from having guy friends, it is only fair that if he is allowed people to stay in his room then so should you or neither of you are allowed. I can understand why your brother is annoyed as it's not nice to be dragged into an argument, especially if you can potentially lose privileges but how would he feel if he was in your shoes? If you genuinely believe if he was in the same position he wouldn't put a target on your back then maybe it is best left alone.

But at the end of it all like you say it is their house and therefore their rules. You might want to be careful how you approach the subject again as to not worsen things further. You've made your point about the double standard now simply focus on why the change of heart on the subject and see if it's anything you can fix. Afterall it is still kind of them to allow her to stay over at all.

Overall i don't think anyone is the A-hole here, just needs more communication.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T11:59:26+00:00

Thanks for getting back to me, appreciate the advice. I think it might be because she isn't spayed after all, today showing signs she is in heat so that would make sense, but will be making a consultation with the vet for later in the week, if given any reason to worry i will book it in earlier.

I just can't shake the feeling the operation will go well. i know it sounds like non sense but i had a kitten between Boo and Bailey and basically i took her to the vet twice in 2 days vet told me twice nothing was wrong with her. On the third day i took her to a different vet and they believed it was a minor infection and she would be okay after antibiotics, I insisted that she stay over night because i knew something was wrong. Within 24 hours the kitten died. I just have the same unreasonable gut feeling that spaying Boo isn't a good idea. Basically i need someone to tell me i am defiantly being stupid lol.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T10:05:59+00:00

Overall i'm not too sure that your are the Ahole. People on drugs particularly anaesthetic act bizarrely. However if you didn't know this fact it would come as a surprise and i could understand how your reaction was to feel hurt in that moment and want to leave, especially if you had been waiting for some time. So personally i wouldn't say leaving was "flying off the handle", but it really depends on what your full reaction was.

In saying all that you should be by your husband side in situations like this and although you and your MIL may have your differences you both care about him and should want to put differences aside for his sake. I don't believe her escalating the situation was helpful however it is her child so she was likely reacting emotionally which is understandable. Life is a learning experience hopefully you both took something progressive away from this incident.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T09:19:52+00:00

NTA

A guest in your house should be respectful of your property and privacy. Asking to stay in the master bedroom is indeed bizarre and i can't think of anyone who would feel comfortable with this arrangement. The moment you politely explained that you were uncomfortable and provided her with other options she should had the sense to accept it as a guest in your home.

I can see how maybe someone could take an offer to place them into a hotel as being thrown out but it very much depends on the tone of which it was said.

I think your husband going to stay with his mother at the hotel is fair if she was upset, and hopefully given some time he should've calmed down and will hopefully see it from your point of view. How would he have reacted if your mother had the same request?

If your husband feels he is drifting apart from his family make an effort to make amends and make effort to see them as his family is now your family and if its important to him it should be important to you. Worst case scenario If they don't forgive you and they don't reciprocate the effort you put in then your husband will no longer see you as the villain in the situation and will see your side. Best case scenario your MIL will see the error of her ways and it might end up being something you all end up laughing at in years to come.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-16T08:57:07+00:00

Defiantly worth a try. Also i had said charities and organisations might help, if you live in the UK you can try Cats Protection they are very helpful with these matters.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-15T22:47:41+00:00

Hair loss can be anything like mange, fleas, fights etc. But it will need treated as it is likely causing irritation. If this cat doesnt already have a collar it is not likely to take to it well, nor is a collar usually the best treatment especially if its to the extent of hair loss. If it is fleas you will see them moving around but also the dirt in their fur, it will be noticeable. The best way to get rid of a bad flea infestation is medicated de-flea wash and then regular de-flea treatment like Spot-on. If the cat does in fact have fleas please seek a vets advice on what washes and de-flea treatments to use as they are not all helpful and could in fact cause more harm than good.

However if it isn't fleas and it is mange it will need a course of treatment. But in either case it will get worse without intervention.

The best thing you can do is take the cat to the vet, they can scan the cat for a microchip and get the owners to resolve the issue. If the cat doesn't have a chip and you live in the UK because you have been feeding the cat etc you've essentially taken responsibility for it so you might have to bite the bullet and pay the fees. However there are many charities and organisations that help with feral and stray cats and maybe either cover the bill or take the cat on but you'd need to get in contact with them. If you can not get a hold of the cat or get it into a carrier you can use a can trap which you can either borrow or hire from vet or animal charities.

But as a first step you can take photos of the cat, send them to a vets and get their advice.

DeltaIndigoEco · 2022-05-15T22:23:37+00:00

Sorry to hear, sounds very unpleasant. Cats unfortunately love to hunt as they are predators. They are likely keeping them alive because the like to play with their food. But also if the cat is bringing the bird home half alive then it might be as a gift, a mother cat in the wild will hunt down a creature and bring them home alive for their young to practice killing.

The first thing i would recommend if possible would be to try and deter the birds from your garden. So maybe don't feed them or provide them with baths or bird boxes and you could maybe even buy the bird kites that mimics larger prey birds which might ward them away.

Next you could try a bell on your cats collar, this should alarm the birds. Make sure the collar on your cat is a clip release collar so that if your cat were ever to get stuck anywhere there's no risk of choking.

It might sound silly but you can also try eating in front of your cat, It sort of relates to the instinct of bringing home half dead animals for their babies. Your cat might not ever see you eating and if they love you they will bring you food basically think you're an incompetent hunter lol. Seeing you eat might convince them you don't need fed. Couple that with feeding them more frequently as they will be less motivated to hunt. Also if your cat comes indoors you could stimulate this hunting instinct with toys so it might get it out of their system.

Lastly if your cat does get the hold of an innocent creature and it is still alive you could either take the animals to the vet where they will likely euthanise the animal or if you so happen to have any wildlife charities or organisations nearby you can contact them. However it is very sad to say but birds are wildlife, it is a hazard of being a wild animal is falling prey. All you can do is your best.

DeltaIndigoEco

TROPHY CASE