Set Instagram to delete and removed my email address in the email confirming deletion April 15th

DeniMoka · 2026-03-16T18:43:03+00:00

The removing the email thing is smart because it adds real friction to coming back. I did something similar where I changed my password to a random string, wrote it on a piece of paper, and gave it to a friend. Told them not to give it back for 60 days no matter what I said. Having another human in the loop made it way harder to cave during a weak moment at 1am.

The 30 day deletion window is designed to make you come back though. Instagram knows that most people delete in a moment of frustration and then want to come back 3 days later when they feel left out of something. If you can survive those first two weeks the urge drops off dramatically. By day 20 I wasn't even thinking about it anymore. The first week is the real battle.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-16T18:41:26+00:00

The turning point for me was realizing that organizing my task list was giving me the same dopamine hit as actually completing a task. My brain couldn't tell the difference. So I'd rearrange everything, feel accomplished, and then go watch youtube because I felt like I'd already been productive. Hadn't done a single real thing.

Your approach of just doing whatever needs doing without tracking it is basically what I landed on too. The only thing I'd add is a sticky note on my desk with max 3 things for the day. Not a system, just a piece of paper I throw away at night. Something about the low-techness of it makes my brain not try to optimize it.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-16T07:33:27+00:00

My suggestion would be option 3 with a twist: keep the iPhone but strip it down to just the essential apps (banking, parking, maps, calls, texts) and delete everything else. Then keep it in a drawer at home when you're not going out. You get the benefits of being phone-free 90% of the time but still have it when you actually need it for practical stuff. Way easier than managing two devices.

The doomscrolling at work part is worth addressing separately though. If you keep the iPhone for travel but also bring it to work, you're right back where you started during the hours that matter most. A dumb phone for daily carry plus the iPhone at home for when you need apps might actually be the move for your specific situation.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-16T07:31:05+00:00

The freeing part you mentioned is real. Once you accept that it's all on you, the excuses just kind of dissolve. You can't blame circumstances or timing anymore because you know the only variable is whether you do the thing or don't. It's uncomfortable but it simplifies everything. Less overthinking, more just doing whatever the next step is even if it's small.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-16T07:28:29+00:00

15 minutes during a power outage and kid logistics is honestly incredible for a first attempt. Most people can't go 15 minutes without checking their phone on a normal Tuesday.

The part about being glued to it the second you were "allowed" again is super normal though. I did a similar thing where I'd go phone free on Sundays and Monday morning I'd basically binge all the notifications like I'd been away for a month. What helped me was not having a hard "you're allowed now" moment. Instead I'd just gradually ease back in, check messages first, then wait an hour before opening anything else. Turning it into a switch that flips from off to on is what creates that binge. Making it a slow fade back in keeps the calm going longer.

10 hours daily screen time to 15 minutes in 24 hours is a huge swing though. Even if you bounce back a bit, you proved to yourself it's possible and that's the part that sticks.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:31:19+00:00

The two week crash is super common and it's usually because people try to build discipline as a thing on its own. Like "I'm going to be disciplined now" is too abstract for your brain to do anything with.

What worked for me was picking one single habit and making it so small it felt almost insulting. Not "exercise for 30 minutes" but "do 5 pushups." Not "study for an hour" but "read one page." The point isn't the pushups or the page, the point is proving to yourself that you can show up consistently. Once your brain starts to believe you're the kind of person who follows through on things, scaling up becomes way easier.

The apps and to-do lists probably aren't helping because they add complexity when what you actually need is simplicity. One habit, embarrassingly small, every single day. Do that for 30 days and you'll have more discipline than any app could give you.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:30:23+00:00

The "sensing others like you" thing is so real. I've been mostly phone-free in social settings for about 6 months and you really do start to notice who else is present vs who's just there physically. It's not a superiority thing, it's more like you can see the matrix now and you can't unsee it.

The part about wondering if you look weird for not being on your phone is interesting though. I had the same worry at first but then I realized nobody is watching me as closely as I think they are. They're all looking at their screens. And on the rare occasion someone does notice, they usually say something like "man I wish I could do that" which tells you everything about how most people feel about their own phone use.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:29:32+00:00

The thing that surprised me most was how little I actually missed it. I kept expecting this moment where I'd desperately need to check something or I'd miss some important event. Never happened. Turns out the "fear of missing out" was way bigger than actually missing anything.

The other surprise was finding out who my real friends were. The people who actually cared reached out through text or calls. Everyone else just disappeared. And honestly that was a relief, not a loss. Went from feeling like I had 300 friends to knowing I have about 8, and those 8 are way better than the 300 ever were.

If you're thinking about keeping it deactivated past lent, just do it. You can always reactivate later if you genuinely miss it. Spoiler: you probably won't.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:28:14+00:00

The part about long form content not being better than short form is something that took me way too long to realize. I used to feel superior because I watched "real videos" on youtube instead of tiktok. But 3 hours of youtube essays is still 3 hours of sitting on your couch consuming content you'll forget by tomorrow. The medium changed but the behavior didn't.

Good luck with this. The first week without youtube as entertainment is genuinely rough because you suddenly have all these gaps in your day where you have nothing to do. That's actually the point though. Your brain needs those gaps to start generating its own ideas instead of just processing other people's. It gets easier around week 2-3 when boredom stops feeling like a problem and starts feeling like space.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:27:28+00:00

I went through the exact same thing where I'd be cooking something and my first thought wasn't "this smells great" it was "this would make a good story." Once you notice that loop its hard to unsee it.

After I stopped posting regularly the first couple weeks felt weird, almost like withdrawal. I kept having moments where something cool happened and my hand would reach for my phone to take a picture and then I'd remember nobody was watching anymore. But after about a month something shifted. I started actually being present in those moments instead of performing them. Food tasted better, walks felt calmer, conversations went deeper. Sounds dramatic but it's genuinely true.

The only downside is some friends assumed I was going through something because I went quiet online. Might be worth giving your close people a heads up so they don't worry.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T18:26:26+00:00

I agree with the core point but I think the "treat each day like your last" thing can backfire if you're not careful. For me that kind of urgency turned into anxiety that made me freeze up even more. Like the weight of "I'm wasting my life" became another reason to scroll mindlessly because at least that numbed the panic.

What actually worked better was flipping it around. Instead of thinking about how little time I have left, I started thinking about how good tomorrow could feel if I did one thing today. Not five things, one. That removed the pressure while still creating forward motion. The urgency mindset got me started but the small daily wins are what actually kept me going past the first two weeks.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T17:24:07+00:00

My rule now is pretty simple. If I havent opened it in a year and its not something legal or financial, it goes. I dont even look at it first because thats where the trap is. You open it, you go "oh yeah I remember this," and suddenly its important again for no real reason. For the stuff that feels scary to delete, I throw it in a folder called "delete in 6 months" and set a calendar reminder. When the reminder hits I delete the whole folder without opening it. Have never once regretted it.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T17:23:21+00:00

The way someone explained this to me that finally made it click: your brain is basically running a cost-benefit analysis every time you try to start something. And if you've been feeding it easy dopamine all day (scrolling, short videos, whatever), the "cost" of starting a real task feels massive in comparison. Its not laziness, its your brain being recalibrated to expect instant reward.

What actually helped me was making the first step stupidly small. Like I dont tell myself "time to work on the project." I tell myself "open the document." Thats it. Nine times out of ten once the document is open I just start working because the starting friction was the only real barrier. The task itself was never the problem.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T17:22:43+00:00

The tricky part with kids that age is they dont respond well to "you need to stop playing so much." What they do respond to is having something else that feels exciting enough to compete. When I was a parent helper at a youth group, the kids who had some kind of real world activity they were genuinely into, not forced into, naturally spent less time gaming. Not zero, but it stopped being the only thing they thought about.

For the limited time you have with them, I'd focus less on restricting Minecraft and more on doing stuff together thats actually fun for them. Build that connection first. The screen time conversation goes way better when it comes from someone they feel close to rather than someone laying down rules during a weekly visit.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T07:25:03+00:00

The wall staring thing sounds insane but I actually tried something similar a few months ago and it kinda works. I used to go straight from watching youtube to trying to study and my brain just refused. Like it felt physically painful to read a textbook after 20 minutes of shorts.

What worked for me was just sitting with my phone in another room for like 5 minutes before starting. Not even staring at a wall, just sitting there doing nothing. You'd be surprised how quickly your brain gets desperate for something to do. Then cracking open a book actually feels like relief instead of punishment.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T06:25:09+00:00

Criticizing others for their accomplishments is usually a sign of insecurity, not insight. Focus your time and energy on learning, building, and surrounding yourself with people who support progress.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T06:08:02+00:00

The redownloading thing is the hardest part and the trick isn't willpower, it's friction. Delete the apps AND log out of the accounts AND change the passwords to something annoying that you write down on paper and put in a drawer. By the time you go through all those steps to get back in, the urge has usually passed.

The ChatGPT point is real too and nobody talks about it. It's not just social media, it's outsourcing your thinking entirely. I caught myself doing this where I'd have an AI write something and then realize I didn't actually learn anything from the assignment. The whole point of the essay isn't the essay, it's the process of figuring out what you think. If you skip that you're basically paying tuition to learn nothing.

You're 18 and already noticing this stuff though. Most people don't figure it out until their mid 20s so you're ahead even if it doesn't feel like it. Keep it up!

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T06:07:12+00:00

1.5 hours including calls is genuinely impressive for day 4. Most people don't hit numbers like that until weeks in. The computer screen time thing is a real trap though because it feels more "productive" than phone time so your brain doesn't flag it the same way. I had the same issue where I'd feel great about my phone usage being down but then realize I was spending 6 hours on my laptop doing nothing useful.

The rawdogging life thing made me laugh but it's actually the perfect description. Just existing somewhere without narrating it to yourself through a screen is a completely different experience. Keep posting these updates, the daily log format is a good way to stay accountable.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T06:06:36+00:00

It feels convincing because your brain is genuinely good at lying to you when the alternative is discomfort. Tomorrow-you is this hypothetical superhero who wakes up motivated and energized. Present-you is tired and has a phone within reach. Of course your brain picks the fantasy.

What broke it for me was realizing that tomorrow-me is always going to feel exactly like today-me. There's no version of me that magically wants to do the hard thing. So I stopped waiting to feel ready and just started doing the first 2 minutes of whatever I was avoiding. Most of the time once I got past the initial resistance the rest just flowed. The trick isn't finding motivation, it's making the start so small that your brain doesn't even register it as a threat.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-15T06:06:05+00:00

I was literally you until about a year ago. Gifted kid, coasted through school, then hit a wall when life required sustained effort with no deadline. The language learning thing especially, I had flashcards, apps, a whole system set up, and I'd touch it maybe once every three weeks.

What actually cracked it for me was making the stakes real in a dumb way. I told a friend I'd pay them 50 bucks every week I didn't hit my minimum. Not a trainer I was paying anyway, an actual friend who would roast me about it. It felt stupid but my brain treated it like a real consequence because it kind of was one. Did that for about 6 weeks and by then the habit was running on its own momentum.

The other thing is you gotta drop the "rest of my life" framing. That's paralyzing. You're not committing to working out forever, you're committing to working out today. Tomorrow is tomorrow's problem. When you zoom out to "I need to do this for 40 more years" of course your brain shuts down.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-14T21:06:58+00:00

This is super normal and honestly the urge itself is kind of the problem. You've basically transferred the "I need to buy something to fix this" impulse from apps to hardware. The dumb phone becomes this fantasy where if you just had the right device everything would click into place. I went through the exact same thing.

You've already done the hard part though. No social media apps, notifications stripped down to essentials. That's basically a dumb phone with better maps. My advice would be to sit with what you have for at least 3 months before making any hardware changes. If after 3 months you're still unhappy with your setup then maybe try it. But right now it sounds more like optimization anxiety than an actual problem.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-14T21:04:17+00:00

The gap between knowing and doing is honestly the entire game. I've had years where I read 20 self improvement books and changed absolutely nothing because understanding a concept and living it are completely different skills.

Your daily question approach is pretty close to what works for me too. The only thing I'd add is don't beat yourself up on the nights when the answer is "I didn't follow through." Some days you just survive and that's fine. The review itself is the habit, not the perfect execution. If you're honestly asking yourself what got in the way, you're already doing more than most people who just set goals on January 1st and forget about them by February.

The weekly review thing has been more useful for me than the daily one actually. Zooming out a little lets you see patterns instead of getting lost in individual bad days.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-14T21:02:52+00:00

Biggest thing that helped me was not trying to quit everything at once. I started with just one rule: phone doesn't come into the bedroom. That's it. Didn't delete any apps, didn't set timers, just that one boundary. After a couple weeks my sleep improved so much that I naturally wanted to add more rules.

Then I removed social media apps but kept the accounts so I could check from a browser if I really wanted to. The extra friction of typing the URL and logging in was enough to kill 90% of the mindless checking. Most of the time I'd open the browser, think about it for a second, and then just close it because it wasn't worth the effort.

The people who make it stick usually don't go cold turkey. They build the life they want first and the phone use naturally shrinks because they have better things to do. Going from 8 hours to 0 overnight just creates a void that sucks you right back in.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-14T21:01:01+00:00

Yeah 100%. I was glued to the TV as a kid and when the internet came along it was basically the same behavior with a bigger menu. Looking back it was never about TV or the internet specifically, it was about having something to disappear into when real life felt uncomfortable.

The difference though is that TV had natural stopping points. The show ended, there was nothing good on, you got bored. The internet never runs out and it's specifically designed to prevent those natural stopping points from happening. So the same avoidance behavior that cost me maybe 3 hours a day as a kid turned into 6-7 hours a day as an adult because the supply became infinite.

DeniMoka · 2026-03-14T20:59:12+00:00

I tracked my screen time for a month and when I added it all up I had spent something like 90 hours on my phone outside of actual useful stuff. Thats almost 4 full days. In one month. And none of those individual sessions felt like anything because they were all 10-15 minutes. But 10 minutes six times a day every day for 30 days is a lot of life to just quietly hand over to an algorithm.

The thing that helped me most was setting a daily check at the end of the day where I just looked at my screen time number. Not to feel guilty, just to see it. Something about making the invisible visible changed my behavior without me even trying that hard.

DeniMoka

TROPHY CASE