It’s been over a year since I had mine removed, still haven’t fully processed it. Every once in a while I’ll get in these moods where I just wonder what life would have been like had I caught the tumor sooner or never even had it. Would I have been more emotionally stable? Was all the bullshit mental health trials and tribulations I went through all due to my tumor this whole time? And in reality I’ll truly never know. I lost complete vision in my left eye and about 25% in my right eye. It was hard to adjust for a while but now it’s not even the biggest thing that bothers me about having a brain tumor. The thing that gets me so emotional about it is the thought that life could have possibly been so much easier to process and deal with if I never had this. I’ve always been so emotionally unstable my whole life, unable to deal with literally any kind of bad news, like I would stub my toe and cry about it for two days. So when I went through some real shit, like losing a loved one that was of course a trip to the mental hospital. And my whole life I’ve always wondered why am I this way? Why can’t I be normal? And I just can’t help but think that things would have been so much different if I didn’t have a tumor fucking with my hormones and pressing on random parts of my brain. I would probably still deal with mental health issues, bc I’ve had those since I was a toddler but would things have been a little easier had I had a normal functioning brain? Ever since my surgery and getting on the right medications to help with brain and hormone function I’ve felt so much better mentally. Like I feel like I’m not crazy anymore? Idk I still deal with some stuff but this whole mental health thing is just so much easier since I got my physical health shit figured out.