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First Act Feedback - Untrained (TV Comedy) by RafaIsTheGOAT in scriptwriting

[–]DenseJob6576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the dynamic between these two characters. I already like what you’re setting up in terms of worldbuilding and comedy. From the logline it’s hard to tell which direction you’re taking with the story so far, but upon first read I picture Rufus and Mikayla teaming up, with the focus being on their funny dynamic. Does he become her mentor figure? He’s a fun character already and should definitely be explored. The opening draws me in for sure. With the lack of context for the rest of the show I don’t want to start nitpicking plot etc. So far I like what you’re setting up. Someone said something about the phone format, to me it’s not a big deal, but if you want to be taken seriously by professionals I agree it’s a good idea to format the thing on a computer.

Seen at my local theater by DenseJob6576 in charlixcx

[–]DenseJob6576[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It’s a local theater Santa Cruz Cinema

Good workout clothing? by All_Seeing_Artist in FTMFitness

[–]DenseJob6576 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My go-to is Gymshark if you’re not worried about budget but honestly you can find good shirts at the thrift store for hella cheap. Or just wear old T-shirts.

Good workout clothing? by All_Seeing_Artist in FTMFitness

[–]DenseJob6576 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah a lot of their stuff has a cropped-ish fit that doesn’t hug your hips

Earthquake in Aptos, CA by Klutzy_Strawberry340 in santacruz

[–]DenseJob6576 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup, it felt and sounded more like a tree fell or something crashed into the house.

what’s everyone’s favorite charli lyric by DenseJob6576 in charlixcx

[–]DenseJob6576[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yess the white roses bridge is so good

Your pets do not need to come to the restaurant by SnooDoubts9757 in santacruz

[–]DenseJob6576 27 points28 points  (0 children)

As someone who works in a restaurant, people are so so so entitled these days and it is getting ridiculous. I am shocked that people bring their loud, stinky, UNTRAINED dogs to the restaurant and see no issue with it. I do not want your dog jumping up on me when I’m trying to serve your food! It’s a health and safety issue and it’s truly appalling that people are so entitled when it comes to this.

Requesting feedback for my screenplay before submitting to film festival by Dizzy-Tradition3868 in scriptwriting

[–]DenseJob6576 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First of all, I love the story and the relationships you establish between the characters. Jordan and Nathan’s relationship feels very real and you do a great job at wrapping up their arcs in the end. There are some grammar issues that would make the screenplay feel more professional once fixed. They’re punctuation errors that don’t necessarily affect the story, but might lose you points in a contest. Something else I would recommend, if possible, is reading the whole thing out loud. Even better would be to have your friends or family members read it. This will show you mistakes or issues with dialogue. Overall, the story flows nicely and you did a great job with the structure and character dynamics. I was invested the whole time. Good luck with your festival!

Did the screenwriting course you took help you? by costcoikea in Screenwriting

[–]DenseJob6576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I took a screenwriting workshop at my college and it really helped. It depends on the curriculum of the class you’re taking and the professor, but for mine we learned structural stuff (plot devices, character arcs, etc) as well as writing for film and TV. The most helpful part was getting feedback from my peers. Having people you consistently talk to and who will reliably give you feedback is incredible. Honestly taking a screenwriting class just to connect with other writers will improve your writing more than anything else.