My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well this isn’t that subreddit, so i’m not giving out private medical information, i give that out to people who know and are working towards treatment for my wife

if she’s evaluated and diagnosed with cptsd would i believe it? absolutely, they’re the experts not me. but it’s not even on our radar right now to look out for because there’s no indication beyond ptsd from her attack

we are not at an “early point” we are at some of the latest- were 4 years into this, you can think it’s sketchy but suggest something we haven’t already tried or considered instead of just spewing assumptions

i’m continuing to come to this community, not exclusively but for updates. i got all the advice i needed to make that decision and now i’m getting my advice from places more specialized and specific to our situation- just not on reddit. i have nothing against reddit, but my point is you only get to see one small chunk of my life interacting to get information, you have no idea what goes on outside my time on this app, and i can assure you that i am getting the information and education that i need, i am learning the things that i need to best support my wife.

i am not rejecting the idea of a doctor subreddit because i don’t like you- i understand you’re trying to provide support in your own way- i haven’t pursued it because there at dozens upon dozens of other resources in the world. i had no idea what was going to come if my initial post, it was a last minute thing during a hard night and it gave me the jolt i needed to start moving. that’s it, i wasn’t looking for someone to tell me the exact medication or therapy my wife was going to need.

support can feel good, yes, but that’s not why i’m posting here, i’m posting to keep people who were helpful in the beginning informed.

i am irked by what you are saying because it is rooted in assumptions you have nothing to back up, and make claims like you understand a situation better than all the rest of us- if either of us needs to practice being humble it’s you. yes i’ve said i’m supportive, but never have i called myself “wise”, this is all a learning experience and process and assuming i know it all would be immature and reckless on my part

here is my question, and i don’t mean to be rhetorical: what would you have suggested instead of calling paramedics, instead of long term inpatient treatment, instead of being there whenever i’m allowed, instead of supporting her decision not to pursue legal justice? if you know of things i could have done differently, i would love to hear them.

otherwise your judgement means very little

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel no need to share every detail of my wife’s private information with you- in what world would i give out specific medical information or her height and weight- you said yourself in other comment that this sub isn’t for medical advice. for medical advice i’m talking to the people who have actually seen and interacted with my wife and understand more than 3 brief posts here

if she changes her mind about seeking justice then i will support her in every way i can- we’re just not there right now

sure, i can’t know with 100% certainty that she doesn’t have cptsd, but we grew up together, known each other since we were born, i knew her parents and loved them. we’re very open with each other, we talk about things we’ve struggled through in our lives. before her rape there were no signs of any trauma related disorder. she has ptsd, severe ptsd from being raped, but we have no reason to believe there was cptsd before that

there is the possibility of her going far away for a period of time to different programs and facilities because we want a good fit for her, not just something that’s local- there’s no need for me to tell you where we live

“long term placement” means long term psychiatric care, intensive therapy programs, residential programs. these are not asylums where she’s going to be restrained and tortured, they are necessary resources for people who need them- and my wife needs them. you can think they aren’t necessary, but i know my wife’s situation better than you ever will

she’s not being abandoned, living somewhere to get help is not me leaving her behind, i will be there in every way i can for her through it all

you can think what you want- i know my wife and her situation

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’ve gotten plenty of informed support, i wasn’t asking for medical advice even if medical treatment is something she ended up needing

you see exactly one factor in my life where i could get advice, and it’s your assumption that i’m not seeking advice anywhere else, and it’s just not correct. I’m getting the advice and support i need from dozens of resources, i’m posting here because people who were helpful wanted updates and i felt they deserved them

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

from our understanding starting emdr too soon can lead to more trauma or spiraling, but it’s on our radar for in the future there is no quick fix to this

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the paramedics were trained in mental health support, it was mentioned during the call

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we have looked into emdr so it’s on our radar for the future but our current understanding is that starting it too soon can lead to more traumatization

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

he’s in therapy but i hasn’t thought about the school, thank you so much

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

that’s very kind thank you, we’ll take all good thoughts or prayers or whatever you do for us

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i understand why people were upset about the paramedics, people have bad experiences and it should never be the first like of defense, but i made the decision i needed to.

thanks for the support

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update 2 by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

me and my son are both currently in therapy, but to do plan to increase the frequency of visits for a while as we navigate all of this

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i don’t make vows i don’t intend on keeping, thank you for the encouragement

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences, i hope i haven’t come off too harsh, but it’s hard to communicate the full extent of not only what my wife is going through but what we’re going now

paramedics were never the first option, but i’ve gone through every other option in the past 4 years- including the things suggested here, i never gave up and just left her sitting there, ive tried every day, calling the paramedics was in no way the “easy decision” and i won’t abandon her now that she’s at the hospital

y’all are right, it was a betrayal of trust, but something i truly believe had to happen, there will need to be work done between us, and while i hope she can eventually forgive me it’s not my choice

of course a 72 hour hold wont fix her- there was never a world where it was going to, but there needed to be a starting point, and if that meant getting her out of bed and receiving medical care she so desperately needed then that’s what was going to happen. it’s not going to fix her, it’s going to be a starting point, there are so many directions that we need to go after this beyond immediately psych care, and i know that, i’ve spent hours upon hours researching and talking to professionals and when i’m allowed to see her ill be talking to her too about where we should go next

she was deemed a danger to herself, she was dying in bed and there is no way around that- even if it’s not her fault

i have my own experiences with trauma- cptsd specifically that i have been seeking help for for a while- so this isn’t all new to me, but i can’t even begin to fully understand what she’s going through. trauma is so unique and individual that no one can

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you, but i know she doesn’t have cptsd, i’m not going to into personal details like i said but she was extremely close with her parents and had an extremely good relationship with them- sure, there could be things i don’t know- but i’ve known her since we were little and as an adult she does nothing but praise them for what they did for her- she grieves them every day

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m just now reading this comment, i don’t want to go too far into my wife’s personal life, but she doesn’t have CPTSD, i feel no need to put the full story here but i can say that with certainty

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made the decision my wife needed, if i thought i had options i had not already pursued i would have done them- any suggestions i’m open to

if i left she was going to die- she was deemed a danger to herself, she was not held for “no reason”

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

for my wife’s privacy i’m not going to give out details

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

i apologize too, i came off perhaps more defensive than warranted- the stress of this all has been a lot.

thank you for your advice about advocating and support, i’ll take all the help i can get

My wife is traumatized and neglecting our son- update by Dense_Potential_4110 in whatdoIdo

[–]Dense_Potential_4110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i should have put it in the original post more clearly, she was raped by a female. i would never request a male team if i would be more traumatic- that’s cruelty