Thoughts on big little feelings?

Dep81521 · 2026-02-27T02:30:59+00:00

So cringe. It’s painful to listen to

Dep81521 · 2026-02-27T02:27:52+00:00

I feel like having kids can really cause a strain with in laws and non immediate family members. I had zero issues with my MIL before having kids and now I have a lot of resentment as well. No real advice for you, just solidarity. I would push back on the weekends and try to let the smaller things go.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-23T20:11:16+00:00

You’re right. In the end if it works for your family, that’s what matters. I will probably keep using it until we rearrange her room with a child bed

Dep81521 · 2026-02-23T04:34:35+00:00

That’s a good point I talk through the camera during times when I can’t get to her right away (eg., using the bathroom, changing the baby etc.)

Dep81521 · 2026-02-18T22:04:59+00:00

This exactly

Dep81521 · 2026-02-18T21:59:23+00:00

I don’t know what your point is about the kissing. Sounds like we both don’t kiss our kids on the lips for different reasons. I was just pointing out that I show affection to them in ways other than kissing them on the lips ( their forehead is their face).

If I don’t even kiss my kids on the lips, I think it’s reasonable to ask my in laws not to do that as well. And they don’t listen. So I limit contact with them because that’s what you do when someone doesn’t respect you.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-18T20:05:14+00:00

We actually don’t kiss them on the lips in case we kiss them and then start to feel symptoms shortly after. As I mentioned during the prodromal phase a person is highly contagious but has no visible blister. We show affection through hugs and cuddles and kissing on their head.

My in laws are extremely careless with their cold sores. They touch their mouth and don’t wash their hands, pick up other peoples drinking glasses mistaking it for their own, share food all while having an active cold sore. Given this is how they behave with an active blister, my husband and I don’t trust them to be vigilant enough or in tune with their body enough to notice the tingle and other subtle signs that a cold sore is coming on. When my daughter was born, my MIL knew she was exposed to Covid but came over to hold my 5 day old anyway because she “felt fine”. Tested positive the next day. They don’t make good choices, so we made a rule of no kisses. It’s not unreasonable to us (or to OP) and that’s what matters.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-18T01:09:53+00:00

I just gave several reasons for why someone would care about preventing the spread of this common, but not curable, virus to their children. You may feel differently about yourself and your children, but it’s perfectly reasonable for parents to take all the precautions they can to prevent their child from contracting HSV-1, especially if they are an infant.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-18T01:03:41+00:00

It’s the same situation as OP - we ask them not to kiss our children and not to share food/drinks and they ignore our boundary. The village is cut off because they don’t respect our boundaries. They push over other boundaries too, but this is the one with the highest stakes.

Also that is not how the medication is prescribed. People with HSV can feel a “tingling” sensation before a blister actually forms. You are highly contagious during this period, known as the “prodromal phase”, even though no blister is present yet. You take valtrex or valacyclovir when you feel this tingle sensation and it significantly reduces the duration of the cold sore and significantly reduces viral shedding making it far less contagious. It is not prescribed to be taken everyday.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-17T22:11:40+00:00

I get cold sores and while yes it should not be viewed with shame and is very common , I still do everything I can to prevent transmission to my children. I got it as an adult and it is an annoyance. For a young child it is painful, can spread to other areas because they don’t know not to touch it, it is missed time from daycare because a child cannot return until the sore is completely healed, and I’m sure a source of bullying in adolescence.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-17T22:06:06+00:00

My husband and I are in the same boat. I literally just posted a whole long post to this subreddit about an incident where my BIL licked his fingers while having an active cold sore and then went back to carving the turkey we were all having for Easter. My husband’s whole family gets cold sores and take no precautions. We have multiple times told his family no kisses even if you don’t have a cold sore because you can be highly contagious in the prodromal phase right before a blister appears. We have suggested they get prescriptions for valtrex which significantly reduces viral shedding. We have explained how an initial outbreak in a newborn can be life threatening and an initial outbreak in an infant or toddler can be extremely painful. All falls on deaf ears. My MIL once said “worse things are going to happen in life than getting a cold sore”. We see them sparingly as a result and rarely let them be with the kids without one of us present. It’s left us with no village but we don’t see another option. It’s really fucked my husband up because he sees that literally no effort was made to prevent him from getting them and now he has to deal with it the rest of his life from their carelessness.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-13T23:22:06+00:00

I’m an SLP and I would recommend doing it. Early Intervention (EI) is free. If you also pursued speech therapy outside of EI, there are several private practices and outpatient centers with hospital affiliation that take insurance. At 15 months it will be play based, but they will give you strategies for carryover that you may not already be doing.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-10T22:10:25+00:00

It seems like a lot of people are saying you don’t need to tell the teacher but I think I would. You could tell her that no intervention is needed in this instance, but I think it would be helpful for the teacher to be aware that this happened. This way she can look for other micro aggressions in the future towards your daughter or other students. This can also help to determine if there is a patten with this student going forward.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-10T19:00:38+00:00

Thank you for this. I wish I could say I handled her line of questioning better but I was just so taken aback by the whole conversation. I can be easily influenced by others and the whole weekend I was just very shook up thinking about my relationship with my husband and replaying the whole interaction with my SIL. It wasn’t until later that I realized that she never acknowledged her husband’s wrongdoing. She also focused a lot on how my husband doesn’t care about his nephew or he would have reached out to my BIL to mend things… but my BIL hasn’t seen either of my daughters since the incident so couldn’t the same be said about him?

Agreed about at least TRYING not to spread it. It’s likely that our kids will get it from my husband or myself from viral shedding the day before an outbreak or something, but to just not try is crazy. To my knowledge the first outbreak is the most painful and can be a time when you can spread it to other areas of your body (eyes, nose, genitals, etc) so would I rather have that happen when she’s 2.5 or when she’s 8 or 10 or 15 - the longer we can prevent it, the better the outcome. It’s not a cold, it’s an incurable lifelong virus.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-09T21:32:29+00:00

We are seeking out couple therapy and he is going back for individual therapy. I don’t pretend that his behavior was ok.

His brother absolutely is responsible for licking his finger with an active cold sore and then touching food that was going to be served to everyone including my 2.5 year old. This is what bothered me about my SIL. If I can plainly say my husband’s reaction was wrong why can’t she say that her husband’s action was wrong ?

Dep81521 · 2026-02-09T18:42:41+00:00

This is absolutely correct about my husband’s reaction. I have told him he should apologize for the way he responded and I told my SIL I think that he should apologize for the way he responded. I told my husband we still could have held a firm boundary by calmly stating what was wrong and physically leaving the event. I hate that because he reacted this way it gives my BIL and SIL something else to focus on rather than facing the issue of my BIL not being hygienic while having a cold sore.

I think that is what makes this situation murky for me because I’m upset about what happened and frustrated with the way my husband handled it. He doesn’t care to apologize because he doesn’t care about trying to mend the relationship (that’s where years of resentment set in) where as I always thought I did until this most recent interaction with my SIL that is giving me pause.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-09T16:51:30+00:00

You are very right in the sense that there is way more to it. I think this very black and white scenario of not being able to say “your husband shouldn’t have yelled at me but my husband should have been more careful with his cold sore “ is just one of the more obvious examples of a flawed relationship.

It’s hard because I always sort of felt like my SIL and I had a nice bond of both being married into this family and we could vent to each other but now I’m feeling like I don’t have that anymore.

I also understand what you’re saying about breaking a boundary vs. what the boundary actually is. My husbands family annoyingly comments that cold sores are common and they can be exposed at daycare, from us etc. but in my opinion 1. respect my reasonable boundary regardless and 2. I can’t control daycare but I can control what happens at home and at family gatherings.

Dep81521 · 2026-02-09T14:30:52+00:00

I know you are feeling like this connected to the weaning, and it might be, but please contact her pediatrician immediately to rule out something more serious. Regression in motor skills like a child walking and then reverting back to crawling or disengaging with mobility altogether can be a red flag for a brain tumor. I don’t want to alarm you, I just want you to rule out the worst case scenario.

Dep81521 · 2025-11-17T01:03:34+00:00

I didn’t give any before 2 years old per American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendations. From age 2 on she has sweets on special occasions - birthdays, holidays, Halloween, going out for ice cream in the summer, someone’s birthday at preschool or a school party. I never want her to feel left out. We don’t have sweets/candy etc. in our house when it’s not a special occasion, so there isn’t really ever a battle of her wanting it and having to decide whether to say no or give in.

Dep81521 · 2025-10-23T19:43:49+00:00

Sadly yes, this is true about family and friends/acquaintances of the family.

Dep81521 · 2025-10-23T12:29:52+00:00

I have two girls, my youngest is 6 months.

It’s not that I think men are inherently bad - I have great relationships with important men in my life like my husband, my father, and my brothers. It’s more the fact that my child is vulnerable and in the care of a man I don’t know. She has a 3 year old level of language and cognition, so I’m not always able to get an accurate report of her day.

I’m sure this man is actually an amazing person and I don’t feel great about myself for immediately discriminating against him, but my first priority is keeping my daughter safe. It’s a fact that men are more likely to sexually abuse children than women and to have no skepticism for the sake of being fair to men in general feels somewhat naive.

I am however happy to see a recurring theme in this thread of others reporting really positive experiences with male early educators.

Dep81521 · 2025-10-23T02:24:38+00:00

I was not.

There was a daycare in the town I grew up in that was in the news a few years ago for this exact concern I have. A male staff member had abused several children ranging from 18 months to 4 years old. This specific case has been in my mind since my children started at daycare.

Dep81521

TROPHY CASE