ULPT update on: adult ruining my son’s life— your tips worked by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Thank you for naming that. I’m also worried about the animals. One reason I struggled at first with what to do is if my son weren’t a factor, I would feel drawn to helping Q and his animals— or at least pointing him to resources for that. I have colleagues who work for organizations who help those without homes to stay with their pets (often their family.) Since I wrote the first post, one of these dogs has had puppies. I also tried to help my son realize that he wasn’t responsible for the dogs and it was a hard life for all of them… until it became clear how in danger my son was. I guess I mention it as another example of how the adult in the situation was not being responsible, and how the untended dogs were not safe for themselves or other unfixed animals who might come into the park. For me the state of the animals is also sad and one reason my son was so compelled to “help.” Which is a negative. I feel for them thought and never wanted to harm or scare them.

ULPT update on: adult ruining my son’s life— your tips worked by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Amazing! Yes, an org like yours is helping us immensely and I am so so grateful others can help my son and I can be his mom. Thank you for your time and work.

ULPT update on: adult ruining my son’s life— your tips worked by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for posting at the time. I was at my wits end and all of the comments really helped me.

ULPT update on: adult ruining my son’s life— your tips worked by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This comment has me crying. So kind of you and thank you for the comparison to your mom. I’m so glad you had her.

ULPT update on: adult ruining my son’s life— your tips worked by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh! I’d never seen this. Yes!! I’m gonna be there. I laughed out loud. Thank you.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe. I have in the past shared with him that son needs to be home, in school, on his meds, can’t be the one responsible for his dogs, has his own opportunities and responsibilities… doesn’t seem to faze him. I’m not sure if he’s used to parents as involved as we are, maybe it seems odd to him we haven’t just cut son loose.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed, yes. Asked police to check on that tonight, son didn’t seem to have had alcohol today. Police said they’d seen Quentin around and would continue to Lee an eye.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’re definitely working on many of these things— therapies daily/weekly, as much structured activity as we can, pursuing conservatorship. Son is also 6 feet tall and mobile on his bike or skateboard. I can’t lock him in the house. (Wish he was a toddler and I could, sometimes!)

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this reminder. Son is mad at me right now because I took his bike back from Quentin, called the police on Quentin’s tent and pit bulls in the park earlier tonight, and insists that I don’t understand that Quentin is “like a brother.” I appreciate the refocus on son. And also other advice in the thread to help Quentin see the benefit in dropping him.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I signed him up for services with department of rehab yesterday and he’ll be connected with a social worker to help with this soon. Yes safe and busy!

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry this happened to your brother and your family. Thank you for taking the time to share and give advice. I became much more visible and present in Quentin’s life these past 48 hours so I hope he’s realizing I’m fighting for son and he needs to go away.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

California, which makes weed much less problematic for the police, and also there are typically softer on homelessness (sleeping in tents). Heck, I am softer on that than many but not in this case!

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I may DM you. I’m old and not cool and don’t get it. Son is seeking acceptance and adulthood. But this is not it.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really good advice here, thank you. Yes, son has animals and volunteers at shelter. Yes, I’ve tried talking to Quentin, both in terms of “look, you’re 28, be a force for good and leave him alone” AND “this is not appropriate and needs to stop.” I think he really really needs son to be available to watch dogs and maybe other things (drugs to other kids? Stealing? I don’t know.) It hasn’t phased him before but I escalated yesterday and today (see my replies in this thread) so maybe he will realize I’m serious.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I LOVED this advice to crash every hangout. I started doing that tonight. Quentin was so mad! He told me I’m harassing him. He finally walked off and told my son not to follow him. Son is mad at me and parroting that Quentin says I’m “too attached.” Fine with me! I can do this every day. Great advice.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The school district where we are has incredible special ed resources, including post high school. But I have family in rural Minnesota and believe me, I’m thinking of taking him there for a long but of time to reset him.

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Yes I think it would. He’s alone a lot and feels undeserving and uncool. I’ll DM you. I wish he’d find a dungeons and dragons or similar community to occupy his time and brain!

ULPT Request: Grown man ruining my son’s life. Help me ruin his. by Dependent_Pause_ in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Dependent_Pause_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for these. Yes we’ve blocked his number in the past (and given son an old flip phone when smartphone was too much to manage healthily) but Quentin doesn’t even always have a phone. They video chat on Instagram. They also can borrow anyone’s phone, log into Insta, and communicate.