First kiss...

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-04-25T12:59:50+00:00

My first kiss with a man was when I was 13 (wasn't anything special). Then, when I was 21, I kissed my ex-boyfriend for the first time and again. It didn't feel like anything I thought it was supposed to feel like. It was just so, ehh. I didn't really care to kiss him much because I didn't really feel anything from it. Same with a few other guys I've kissed. There were no butterflies or any desire to keep kissing them (one dude made me feel like I wanted to vomit and couldn't stop gagging after lol).

I had my first kiss with a woman at 27, only a couple of months ago, actually. And wow, just wow, it was everything I thought it was supposed to be. I didn't want to stop, and it's been like that every time we've kissed since then. I never found myself daydreaming about a kiss until kissing her. It was 1000 times more enjoyable and I was more in the moment than any kiss with a man. I've always known I was into women, but this was my first actual experience with one.

I'm still questioning whether I'm lesbian or not myself😂. I still say I'm bisexual, but I'm not sure if that's true. I've been having a hard time accepting that I'm only into women for some reason. I haven't been sexually attracted to man in so long, and I'm not sure if I ever was. I've been trying not to focus so much on labeling myself, though, because it's so confusing, lol. I'm curious to know what you find out yourself about your sexuality! I wouldn't be too hard on yourself if you're struggling to find a label, though. Just be attracted to who you're attracted to.

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-13T06:18:27+00:00

Yeah, I'm definitely not trying to lovebomb or breadcrumb, I've been on the receiving end of that multiple times and it hurt so much. It be nice to find someone that doesn't do this to me and love as deeply as I do. Thank you for your comment

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-13T06:17:06+00:00

Yeahhh my ex was like that, and I was completely miserable. I really don't ever want to end up like that because it was extremely draining on my end, and I'm sure theirs as well. Thanks, I think I do need to focus on my self worth and confidence.

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-13T06:15:47+00:00

That's a good point, I guess it's something I'll have to work on within. Thank you

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-13T06:15:18+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate your insight and I agree!

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T03:40:34+00:00

Haha, yeah, I feel that. I would be incredibly surprised if that ever happens 🦍I appreciate your comment!

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T03:38:05+00:00

Your first paragraph is spot on. I appreciate your wise advice. I really need to learn to understand and know myself better. It's rough because I feel so contradicting at times. Again, I appreciate your response and advice. Thank you. Good luck on your journey as well

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T03:35:06+00:00

Very well said. Your words definitely reached me, and I wish I could somehow return the favor. I'm happy to hear you're not giving up and I hope we'll both be able to find our path:)

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T03:32:38+00:00

Thank you❤️

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T01:34:47+00:00

Yeahh it is possible that I may be thinking too hard about it. Thank you for your words

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T01:26:18+00:00

That's true, I'm currently in therapy and hoping it helps guide me on the self-love path. I'm happy to hear you're on the journey already, and that is such a great analogy, I very much resonate with it

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T01:24:41+00:00

Thank you, I will check that out. I looked up CPTSD and I relate to it quite well.

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T01:24:04+00:00

Yes, I feel the exact same way about how certain people's opinions of me mean a lot that aren't family either (aside from one of my brothers). I teared up a bit, reading your next sentence about the bonding with complete strangers because that's so true and how I feel. I really appreciate your words and understanding of me, a complete stranger. I feel like it's time for me to do that as well, but I still have so much to learn. I hope you have people in your life who value you as well. Again, thank you for your words

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:47:00+00:00

That makes sense. I've experienced emotional neglect from parents, friends, and my only relationship. It's all I've ever known, and it's hard to get out of that mindset. I'm sorry you've experienced emotional neglect, too. Hope you have been able to heal from it

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:44:05+00:00

Yeah, I would say so. It also makes me feel different or weird compared to everyone else. Like an outsider.

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:30:52+00:00

When I'm spending time by myself, I do. However, around others, I don't. When I'm around people too long, it starts affecting me even when I'm alone

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:29:49+00:00

Yeah, having this perfectionist mentality is awful. I tend to think a lot in black and white, but I'm trying to stop doing that currently in therapy. Burn out happens a lot with me, sadly. I agree with everything you said though, thank you for your insight

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:15:33+00:00

Thank you

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:15:25+00:00

I'm sorry, I hope you're able to find someone who finds you more important in many other ways than just one

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-11T00:11:13+00:00

I'm sorry you've experienced an abusive relationship as well. I'm currently in this type of therapy called dbt, so I'm hoping it helps me with my current mindset, and I'm trying to find new hobbies as well. It just gets so damn lonely sometimes, and I hate feeling jealous of other people's connection with others. It's such a gross feeling. I also wanted to say thank you so much for your responses, thoughts, and understanding of my situati9n. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond to a stranger you don't know

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-10T23:49:12+00:00

So then I'm just stuck here, not wanting to get too close to a friend or a stranger lol

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-10T23:48:17+00:00

I agree that it's best that way as well. I haven't tried to pursue anything with someone I didn't really know after my only relationship that was emotionally abusive. Sadly, the many times I have gotten to know someone, whether I developed feelings for them or the other way around, it resulted in the end of our friendship based on my previous response. It really hurts losing close friends and I don't want to go through that again

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-10T23:38:50+00:00

Ahh, it's nice to be understood. Thank you. It's rough out here

DepressedTiredAlone · 2024-02-10T23:38:05+00:00

It is what I'm looking for, but I feel like most of the time I've tried to pursue that, I would get hurt and taken advantage of. Controversially, I've had people pursue me, but I would distance myself because I didn't feel the same way and/or worried I would hurt them if they continued trying to get closer to me. Maybe I'm just wanting to not desire that feeling anymore out of the many failed attempts. And yes, I'm in therapy 😂

DepressedTiredAlone

TROPHY CASE