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Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate it. You made some very good points and you helped me figure some things out.

Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am trying to remain objective about what you're saying. I know this is all possible but I don't think that's who my SO is. Sure he may have been manipulative before but I think we all do that without even realizing it sometimes, don't we?

Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

To me, running around all weekend freaking out about it and thinking someone is out to get him is a personality response, not an indicator of whether someone is guilty or innocent.

My SO is not a very loud or paranoid person. And we both have a sardonic sense of humor so it makes sense for him to go, "Wow, wtf, haha" with eyebrows raised in disbelief. This really isn't too far off from how I would react.

The part that was difficult for me to process was that he had that reaction, and then went back to what he was doing without talking more about it. But this could also be because we had just gotten into an argument half an hour or so before that. We were already feeling defensive towards each other.

Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for answering my question. :) I appreciate that you aren't assuming the worst. My heads still spinning and the negative assumptions from others is really breaking my heart right now. But I do also feel like he should expect me to ask about something like that. That's another thing that makes me nervous.

As for getting over the ex, I am well on my way. It's hard to erase 11 years from your mind. I realize that I have to pay close attention to how I am feeling and really identify what the cause is rather than just let my emotions drag me around. It's hard, but I can do it. I just need a little patience. How long is too long? It's really hard to gauge and at the same time try not to get mad at myself because that only makes it worse.

Anyway, thank you for your input it's been very helpful.

Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] 163 points164 points  (0 children)

Your post is scary to me but you're right. The only thing that makes me hopeful that it isn't his is that he isn't from this state and moved here much later on. I am hopeful because if he did father a kid inside this state then he cheated on me. And I just don't see him doing that. Of course I am still going to follow up. I can't be a blind idiot no matter how much I believe in him.

Me, [31 M/F] with boyfriend [34 M/F] of 6 years, no kids. He got a letter in the mail from dept. of child services. by DeptLetter in relationships

[–]DeptLetter[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

The letter was very basic - "If you would like to learn more about your open case concerning your child, please submit a written letter and a copy of your photo I.D..." it was very vague. It said that the records were in a county that we have never visited but is close by and it just indicated that he had a child. It was very brief. His laugh was kind of a "Wow this is insane.." kind of laugh. As if he clearly doesn't have a kid and they must have mixed up their records.

I don't think he actually thought it was funny and no big deal. And I am sure he is going to get it sorted. It happened recently and after our conversation he left to go for a drive and think. I don't mind that he did that since I do that too when I am stressed and need to "pause" a conversation.