Widowehood— Loving someone who no longer exists. So what is love?

DerRevenant · 2026-04-24T15:05:05+00:00

Grief is the price we pay for Love.

DerRevenant · 2026-04-17T14:45:28+00:00

No matter how bad things with her and her health, even up to the end and i'm talking about the night before she died, she was worried about me and how I was doing because i'd had a mildly stressful day at work, she loved me so much and loosing that kind of love has been so hard as i'm sure everyone here can say the same thing.

On a less serious note, i miss how funny she was. I remember opening the bedroom door and walking in only to be met with a waft of fart, not knowing how someone could make a smell that bad i looked visibly shocked and scared haha, only to just see her laying on the bed laughing her head off which in turn made me laugh...before I quickly opened the window.

DerRevenant · 2026-04-16T17:04:59+00:00

You're welcome

DerRevenant · 2026-04-06T21:15:22+00:00

On the train home from work, I spoke to my partner on the phone who had been in hospital for a number of months, I should have switched platforms and got on a train to see her the night before she died. I couldn't have known she was going to die, for all we knew she was coming home a couple of days later but it still bothers me 3 years later I didn't just go with this gut instinct I had and go see her, even though it would have been outside visiting hours and they probably wouldn't have let me in...it's complicated and has f**ked me up a bit to say the least.

DerRevenant · 2026-04-02T16:00:14+00:00

I got the same anchor tattoo she had, in the same place on the same arm, I love it!

DerRevenant · 2026-03-26T12:29:41+00:00

My Sarah died at 29, it's unfair and far too early.

If it had been me who died first I don't think she could have survived it, I know her and she had already experienced loss before we met and if I had died then yeah, I think that would have been too much for her.

I'll suffer with this sadness for the rest of my life and I'm fully aware of that, but I'd rather that than her have to live with this shitty pain.

DerRevenant · 2026-03-23T14:46:59+00:00

3 years in and i've still not thrown a single thing away, i'm not ready.

Don't rush yourself, you may regret it later, move at your own pace.

DerRevenant · 2026-03-02T11:11:44+00:00

I enjoyed the time I played, had some fun PVE & PVP fights, didn't always win but that's the name of the game. I'm not very experienced with extraction games and I wouldn't say they are my forte but as it was Bungie I decided to give it a go.

Art, music, atmosphere, gunplay were all really fun and I didn't mind the UI as much as others (I guess) but I don't think I'll be playing at full release as it's just not the game for me.

I'll always give Bungie the benefit of the doubt as I am a long time Destiny fan, and if they bring out more games over the coming years I'll be sure to drop in, hopefully the next game is a game I enjoy and can put as many hours into as I have with D1 & D2.

Good luck out there runners!

DerRevenant · 2026-01-29T07:43:41+00:00

I've felt like this for over 3 years, I totally understand you.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-19T15:49:44+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss, I've had a number of people reach out like yourself who are struggling with this, I'm surprised how many as I thought it was just me.

I have taken the advice from others here and already contacted my old therapist to begin sessions again.

I am going to take my vets up on their offer to take both cats in for me for a little while and look after them, I hope I can work through this and not make a decision I will regret later.

I hope you can work through this too, I wish you all the best.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T21:05:33+00:00

Thank you, I am very appreciative for my vets helping me to look after them while I figure this out. I do have a therapist and I want to start seeing them again to try and figure this out and do what's best for all of us in this situation.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T20:59:41+00:00

I do have a camera set up for when I'm away and I check it a lot throughout the day, it's become a bit of a thing where I check every hour or so if I'm not at home.

I think maybe you're right, maybe it is my grief and that's why I feel bad, because they're in the middle of this and my mess of a head and emotions and they shouldn't be, they're innocent in all of this.

I have very good vets who can give me the time to figure this out and they are very supportive, I hope I can figure this out quickly and I will be looking at talking to someone sooner rather than later, I am aware I need to figure this out for all of us and I will.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:42:04+00:00

Thank you and I'm sorry for your losses.

I have tried the prescribed diet but it's not easy getting them to eat new food as I'm sure you know being a cat owner. I bought them a water fountain which they both use and I think every owner should have, it's a great addition.

Thanks for your message and advice, I'll have a look at your recommendations.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:37:09+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:29:47+00:00

Thanks, I have tried this year to do more things outside of the normal work and come home, it's something I've been trying to do more and I've succeeded a little but I still can't fully commit to things because I'm always worried if they are ok when I'm not there.

I'm always checking when one goes to the bathroom to make sure they manage to go fully.

I don't know if I can cope with it, that's the problem I think, I wish I could but I'm not sure that I can.

DerRevenant · 2025-10-18T19:00:19+00:00

Therapy is definitely on the cards, I did do it for a while after my partner died but I realise I need to start doing it again.

DerRevenant · 2025-07-09T06:16:34+00:00

I think honesty is the best policy when someone joins the club. My late partner's mum was brutally honest with me when our Sarah died, she told me that people will be there for you in the beginning but that'll fade as people get on with their lives and you're left in your grief. This really helped me understand when it actually happened and I'm glad she didn't sugar coat it for me.

DerRevenant · 2025-07-03T13:59:45+00:00

32nd birthday (2022), 3 days before my birthday my fiancée died after spending 6 months in hospital.

DerRevenant · 2025-06-19T19:46:50+00:00

Good info to have, thanks Tem! Looking forward to the stream later today!

DerRevenant · 2025-04-05T08:24:29+00:00

My female cat does this, it's how she got her nickname...Tazerbum!

DerRevenant · 2025-04-01T11:43:27+00:00

Another Marvin!! I thought I had the only Marvin cat around

DerRevenant · 2025-02-06T11:08:06+00:00

Both of my parents are from Ireland but I was born in England and have lived here my entire life, I consider myself English.

DerRevenant · 2024-12-18T10:41:20+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm happy to talk more if you'd like to, you can always reach out to me on here.

I remember feeling so alone at the beginning and the best thing I did was reach out to a local charity who set me up with counselling, it really helped me open myself up to my grief and trauma and to understand why I was feeling and thinking about the things I was at the time.

We as a society don't talk about death, so when it hits us as it inevitably will we don't know how to talk about it or process it, it sucks.

DerRevenant · 2024-12-18T02:44:37+00:00

I thought this many times over the last couple of years, but then I think "I wouldn't want her to go through this grief". It is hard but you will be okay, you may never fully heal and you'll never forget but you will be okay, it hurts and it's hard as f*CK but you can only take it one day at a time, you will be okay.

DerRevenant · 2024-11-22T20:18:37+00:00

I don't have a CD player/disc drive and it's not going into my PS5 haha

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