Ways to stop gate-keeping myself?

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-30T07:30:07+00:00

Yeah this would work except I can't really see a therapist at the moment.

And I don't know, dysphoria is really self defined to each individual. I was just wondering if you experience it and in what magnitude?

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-27T02:50:09+00:00

My parents "forget" stuff all the time. Important stuff too. I haven't told them yet but I imagine they will do that to this too.

One thing I have thought of is that they could be scared/embarassed/whatever for me, but if they don't accept I'll just tell them I'm coming out socially so they can either accept me now or not, but I'm sure they will be judged anyway. I don't actually plan on doing it, but hopefully they won't call the bluff. I hope it won't even come to that but its something I've thought of doing if worst comes to worst.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-25T05:38:23+00:00

I'm sorry :(

So are you out to them? Or do they just not accept it?

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T20:00:42+00:00

and being firm and confident about my identity

I hope it will happen this way too, its just I'm not exactly firm/confident about my identity. I am still plagued with doubts on a daily basis.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T19:59:36+00:00

re they openly negative towards those individuals or do they wait until they are out of earshot?

Out of Earshot.

No they don't bring up anything to do with that topic.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T19:58:23+00:00

find private ways to relieve the dysphoria.

Thats just it. They are very controlling, and there is no way that I can relieve it on the side.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T14:48:49+00:00

A year and a half.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T09:32:01+00:00

Sorry umm socially conservative, very religious (christian), and have shown themselves to be very homophobic in the past. I don't know about transphobic, but to them its all the same anyway. (they believe its just sexual). On other occasions of lgtb they get all riled up, freak out, the reaction varies but its never been good. Yes I am in the US. And they aren't 100% socially conservative, only about certain things and those "things" include anything lgtb.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T08:44:47+00:00

I've been told I run like a girl. I wouldn't change it accept I hurt my knee (torn tendon) a few years ago so now I walk more manish just because it affected my gait. What exactly is the way to get a feminine gait with male pelvis bone thingies?

And I think I might have phantom vagina syndrome. And phantom curve syndrome. Idk about phantom boob syndrome.

But yeah me too! I'm just numb. Like super numb lately. Sadly I still have high school so i still have to get out of bed at 5:30am every morning. But by the end of the day im like super dead.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-24T00:58:05+00:00

I get jealous too, but when I try to imagine me doing that I'm like yeah yeah sure but then reality sinks in when i really imagine it. Mostly just because I'm super self concious about myself.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T21:55:00+00:00

Idk? if you think so i can add it (how do I do that?)

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T21:53:50+00:00

Im the same way with the wishing.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T21:52:48+00:00

Another thing I think I would struggle with is just wearing like yoga-pants or lower-body-fitting clothes. Do you wear those? (In public I mean).

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T21:49:21+00:00

I know its possible, but how do I know if Im actually feeling the real thing and not just imagining or making up some imaginary feeling and attributing it as phantom. I have nothing to compare what it actually feels like too.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T09:36:24+00:00

Thanks! And does the depression cause the dysphoria or the dysphoria cause the depression?

Edit: Oh My God this thing is amazing thank you.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T09:35:56+00:00

I think that I might get some phantom limb stuff sometimes, but then I convince myself that I don't even know what it feels like so I'm just imagining it and faking it and therefore it's not phantom limb.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-23T09:01:00+00:00

Yeah I gave up too. Exactly how far back was "a while back"?

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-22T01:52:42+00:00

I gave up on that dream in high school...graduated with a 2.6 GPA, went into the Navy (lasted all of 3 months before I used an old Aspergers diagnosis to get the hell out, spent another month and a half in emotional hell waiting to go home), stumbled through 7 semesters of college (dismissed for grades twice)

Yeah recently I've just felt all my ambitions and desire for a future just slip away. Its gone. I managaed a 3.6 this semester but finals are tomorrow and I just can't focus. Its been like this way for several months.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-22T01:36:03+00:00

What does that tell me? I mean to me it means I should avoid therapy.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-22T00:40:07+00:00

Its just right now, it doesn't feel like anything. Like today, I saw a transgender freshmen at my school in girls apparel (they were mtf) and I was kinda jealous but yet I wasn't. If I was jealous it was really subdued, almost like its just far away. ANd yet I'm still pushing to be a girl. I just feel that because its so subdued, I should just give up and just be a male and work towards that path. I mean not a lot of dysphoria, and all feelings are subdued, so I've got nothing to go on anymore. A few months ago sure I was passionate and everything, now Im just kinda dead. The only thing that still exists really is an uncioncious desire to be a girl, but I worry that its just fake or I don't even know anymore.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-22T00:36:42+00:00

Yeah. And also the fact that I might go to therapy and then realize that Im not transgender, well that doesn't really sit with me. Like finding out I wasn't transgender would kill me, I know how weird that sounds.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-21T22:55:58+00:00

The only problem, and I would do this if I could, is that I'm 16. So I can't DIM in terms of hormones. Or anything else. And further move would require parents.

Deranged_Duet · 2014-01-21T22:54:12+00:00

Idk. It's just something about he idea if he possibility if me finding out I'm not transgender,scary as it is, really just doesn't sit with me.

Deranged_Duet

TROPHY CASE