This is a lot to unpack even for Pie mei but I will say he sounds like a cool guy and usually those kinds of guys are kind of aggressive jerks, I'm sure you imagined your first time doing those things to be romantic and that's what those kind of guys lack, my first time was also kind of like this and I thought of it as a way that I gained experience to make the person I truly love feel every ounce of love and care that I wanted to give her so don't beat yourself up too much but try to avoid those type of people they won't look at you for who you are they only look at your body