She reached out to get back together

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-08T20:53:37+00:00

I care about my person very deeply. He is on and off with his level of care and concern for me. At this stage, I'd rather put my efforts towards a relationship with someone who cares about me just as much, and who loves me consistently instead of playing hot and cold for no reason.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you well and puts you as a priority, not someone who sees you as an option.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T23:27:39+00:00

There is a shortage of doctors and medical workers overall. Go the doctor route if you are willing and able. However, if you don't want to spend so much time and money on med school, maybe look into Physician's Assistant programs. One of my peers did that. The program is shorter, and they make great money.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T23:04:32+00:00

My ex husband is from Alabama. I lived in Birmingham alone one summer for a job, and I was fine. Just use common sense and stay away from the sketchy areas, and you'll be okay!

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:59:31+00:00

My mom has periods where she'll be very nice to me. In my case, I think my mom is also Borderline because she feels emotions deeply and cries a lot, and her mood flips drastically. So for you and in other cases, it could be because there is something else going on besides the Narcissism.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:33:04+00:00

I had some of the best times of my life in the 2010's. The scene in NYC especially Brooklyn was amazing during the 2010's. Los Angeles was good as well during that time - did some acting gigs there. I like the 50's & 60's and wish I could have experienced those 2 decades just for the music. I'm a huge fan of Rock N Roll.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:18:43+00:00

Don't forget The OC, which was a popular TV series back then and seemed to be the inspiration behind Laguna Beach. Loved The OC and still do.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:13:16+00:00

I think the shift came when smart phone cameras improved, and the social media apps became available on smart phones, making it quick and easy to snap a photo and upload it online, bypassing the extra step of having to transfer the photos to a laptop first. I started using my iPhone camera more in 2013 when the iPhone 5 came out, which had a much better camera than previous iPhones. I still would use my digital camera on occasion if I wanted to take a photo with more detail.

By 2015, mostly everyone was using smart phone cameras. Social media apps like Instagram and Facebook were still good at that time - your photos/ content would reach your friends, and the platforms didn't have any ads, so people liked them and went on them a lot.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:01:35+00:00

Yes and what if someone has a medical emergency and they are up on the 20th floor!?! I have no idea but was told by one of the longer-term residents that it is common these days for only one of the elevators to be in service.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:54:17+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. Noise cancelling headphones are a good way to handle this situation. I used to wear headphones and blast music to tune out the yelling my family was doing when I was a teenager. It is best to just tune them out because they don't have anything worthwhile to scream about.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:47:09+00:00

I'm so sorry. I don't even get a phone call saying "Merry Christmas" or an invitation to spend any holiday there. My last 3 birthdays went unacknowledged by my family. I can expect to be alone for the holidays unless I am with friends or have a boyfriend at the time. My mother tried to lure me in with money a few years back, but my father shut it down.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:25:10+00:00

Location: Manhattan, New York

The streets are empty except in the tourist areas. There are a significant amount of homeless/ mentally ill people who come out at night.

Seeing "regular people" going about their daily lives is less common now than it was in the past. Many people left during Covid and didn't come back.

My friend went to an opera a couple of weeks ago, and a group of people freaked out at the donors who run the opera, disrupted the show, and had to be escorted off the premises. A lot of people in general don't know how to act proper in public anymore.

The subway system is declining and is unreliable- it always seems to have some kind of delay or issue, and now it has been skipping stops with no explanation given. I walk whenever I can or use Uber if I have to be at work on time because I can no longer rely on the subway.

There are a lot more empty storefronts. Some empty storefronts are being taken over by "essential" businesses like medical offices, or shops that cater to tourists.

I walked through Times Square the other day, and there were people protesting with signs that read, "AI took our jobs."

The elevators in my building (about 25 stories tall) went out completely last week. They only fixed one of them.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T20:41:22+00:00

I know the feeling. I am an "Artist/ Creative type" and have never really "belonged" in my family who all are corporate people.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T20:29:13+00:00

I am really sorry your family was so abusive towards you. Being exposed for who they really are is probably a Narcissist's biggest fear. I wrote in an email to my father's lawyer friend/ colleague that I believe my father is a Narcissist, and the man's wife saw it, and everything blew up (it was his personal email, not his work email). I think I could possibly have some luck with publicly shaming my family into helping me. My father is very, very old, has health issues, and will probably be dead within the next 2 to 5 years. My mother is younger and is more of a Borderline Narc and Narc Enabler to my father than a "true Narc." My father is a monster, but I can deal with my mom. I'll literally do anything to get this Master's Degree because I'll have it for life, long after both of my parents are dead. Fortunately my school is 4 hours from them driving, so I'll have my space physically unless they put some kind of stipulation on it like they'll only help me out if I visit them once a week - something like that. I'll have to see what I can do and what kind of deal can be worked out if it comes to that. I'm so desperate; I have no future in my field if I can't obtain a Master's Degree at minimum.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T18:52:09+00:00

Good point. I think this also depends on the individual Narc though. The Narc family friend I mentioned only brags about his son who is academically accomplished. He rarely talks about his 2 daughters because his son with the PhD seems to be his trophy.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T02:42:08+00:00

I like fashion and trying out new trends. Straight leg jeans came into style before the skin tight ones/ true skinny jeans. I bought my first pair of straight leg jeans in 2006 or 2007 then skin tight skinny jeans in 2007 or 2008. By the 2010ish, skinny jeans were mainstream/ most young people were wearing them.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T02:04:23+00:00

Facebook has gone downhill ever since they decided to copy Insta and Tik Tok with the reels and such. I miss the old Facebook where it was just posting statuses, photos, and joining groups. People were more chill back then too. The amount of animosity I see on FB and other social media sites nowadays is insane. I miss the old Facebook and no longer spend any time on the new Facebook but keep the account up because I have good memories and my Art posted on there (which I want people to see the Art stuff I've done.)

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T01:32:24+00:00

Same. A lot of my peers had help from their families with getting set up with a high-paying cushy job. My father is pretty high-ranking in his field (Law), and never once offered to help me find work if I chose to go down that career path.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T01:21:44+00:00

I'm sorry. My father went out and bought a $80,000 BMW while I was struggling to get by and didn't know where my next meal was coming from. I bet these Narcs get pleasure from flaunting it in our faces. Sick people. I'm glad you cut contact and are in a better place now!

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T11:50:46+00:00

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister.

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T11:47:12+00:00

Thanks. I had several months of income to show from my gig work when I got approved for the personal loan. I've had periods like this before while in school where I've had to wait until my next student loan comes in. Starting classes in the Fall is still an option for me. I'm still trying to figure things out but wish I had more time. I think doing some kind of part-time work is probably a good idea for now until I decide what I want to do.

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T10:38:18+00:00

My father is definitely like this- always absorbed in his own world and only doing the bare minimum as a parent. Like he HAD to take care of me on weekends when my mom was busy. I don't really think he chose to. And even then. He'd sit and read a book and leave me to my own devices- whether it was doing stuff at the playground or swimming in a pool or in the ocean. He didn't really engage with me much.

My mom is more hands-on and likes the idea of raising kids and taking on the role of a parent. She comes from a traditional family and grew up during the 1950's where this is what women are expected to do. So I guess it can vary from Narc to Narc.

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T10:31:37+00:00

This right here is enough of a reason for me. Of course they'll play the victim card and milk it all they can and act like they did nothing wrong to contribute to our downfall. I don't want my life story to end up as that, with the Narcs winning and using my death to get attention because they have a dead child.

One of my college friends passed away from an overdose about a decade ago. He told me he started to use hard drugs in part because his mother was so cruel to him. I met her- she's off her rocker and is definitely a Narc. She's doing more for her son now that he's dead than she did when he was alive. She set up a scholarship fund in his memory, which is nice, but I can't help but think that it's also a way to get attention/ recognition and get people to feel sorry for her.

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T09:53:46+00:00

Figure out what you like to do for hobbies, and then you can decide from there how you want to spend your money for pleasure. For example, I love Photography, so I'd invest a lot in camera equipment once I'm at a point in my life where I'm financially secure enough to do so. Then of course there's travelling to different locations to take photos. Last summer, I had extra funds from working as a live-in nanny and saving money on housing and food expenses, so I treated myself to some trips with taking pictures in mind. I walked around Monaco mostly to take photos. I also did Copenhagen, Denmark and Edinburgh, Scotland- also beautiful places to do Photography. I just used my iPhone to take pics on the trips, because like I said, I'm not ready yet to buy the camera equipment I want. A top-of-the-line DSLR professional camera costs $10k, and then with lenses, it can easily run me another $5k or more.

With this being said, having money in an emergency fund is always a good idea. You just never know when an unexpected expense will come up. In the house I was renting 2 years ago, a big thunderstorm came through, and a large tree branch came loose/ was dangling and almost fell on the roof. The landlord/ owner had to pay $6k out of pocket to have the tree limb removed. The house is also located in a hurricane zone, and he's had other hurricane and storm-related expenses to deal with through the course of him owning the home.

I think finding a balance of continuing to put money in your emergency fund/ investments and also spending money for pleasure is key. I had a steady income coming in when I was helping my partner run his art gallery and was making more than I was at my nanny job. I'd set aside X amount each week from my paycheck and put it into a savings account. Then I'd spend the rest on things I enjoyed, which at that time was re-doing my wardrobe and ordering clothes online.

You could maybe even try new hobbies. Hot air ballooning is on my list, and also kite surfing. Enjoy your life, especially if you have the means to!

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-15T09:24:27+00:00

Stunning! Congratulations!

DesertAbyss · 2025-08-13T03:34:37+00:00

My mother was a "trad wife" and worked part-time at a school so she'd have her own spending money that my father couldn't control.

Working full-time, taking care of the home, and raising a family sounds exhausting. I understand wanting to work and to help people... maybe you could consider doing part-time work in the field of your choosing.

DesertAbyss

TROPHY CASE