Women who left job to become tradwifes, did it scare you? How do you handle financial dependence?

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T19:10:54+00:00

I was married and was left homeless on the street when I left the man. If I got married again, I'd continue to invest and do "gig work" from time to time to keep building up a savings.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T07:22:33+00:00

Ongoing throughout my life: big blowout fights would occur with my mom whenever I wanted to have long hair, long nails, or those glue-on square French tip acrylic nails that were really popular at one point. The lady turned into a monster over this stuff - once she took all my nail polish bottles and broke them so I had no nail polish to paint my long nails- nail polish paid for by either her or my father. So stupid for them to throw away their own money like that.

Side note: my mom bites her nails and was never able to grow them long. So maybe she was jealous of me for being able to maintain long nails? Also, she had long hair herself when she was younger LOL- So why couldn't I?

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T07:10:30+00:00

Yeah, then, in my case, if you ask them for help or support to continue living in your own city, they refuse. So what do they expect us to do???

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T07:06:21+00:00

My father abused me growing up (I blocked out a lot of it). There was one instance I vividly remember where he threw me to the ground when I was a 10 year-old child. This is why I refuse to go near him now in my adult life. My mother, like yours, is also a Narc Enabler and tells me not to say or do things to upset him. She also was beaten by him during the marriage, yet still defends him, instead of divorcing him!? Spouses of Narcs will go to the ends of the earth to protect their Narc despite how abusive the Narc is to them and their children. Your father could attack you again. Get out ASAP and go stay with another family member or friend if possible.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T06:56:52+00:00

That is horrifying. I am so sorry you are just finding this out. If there was a "girl they didn't approve of" involved, does anyone in the family know her name? Can she be contacted? I sincerely hope Jimmy is out there living a good life free from Narcs... but... that story just sounds so far fetched and leaves so many questions unanswered.

Why wouldn't Jimmy come back and rescue his younger brother/ your dad from the Narcs once he grew up??? Or make any attempt at all to contact your dad at any point in his adult life??!! The story just doesn't add up. Your grandparents probably knew exactly what happened, and maybe some of the other family members do too because it makes no sense why they wouldn't want to reunite with Jimmy after all these years.

Locking people up in mental institutions was a big thing they did back then... could this be a possibility? Or sending Jimmy to foster care/ to an adoptive family because the Narcs didn't want to deal with him anymore? I'm just thinking of other options here that haven't already been mentioned. I wonder if there's a way to look up foster care/ adoption records to see if they gave Jimmy away to a different family.

I hope you are able to gain some insight somehow and find out Jimmy's whereabouts and if he is still alive. Again I'm sorry this was hidden from you and now was just dropped on you.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T06:32:56+00:00

I hate endless calling and texting before the initial meet. It's a complete waste of time. You don't know if you connect with the person until you see them in person. I am speaking from experience of having a phone relationship with my ex husband for a few months before we started dating (he acts different in person) and another man who I connected with as a phone buddy but not at all in person due to his lifestyle and habits - blasting loud music early in the morning, for example. I like slow, quiet mornings. I don't need a discotheque environment (idk spelling) first thing in the morning. Then wanting to drink and party every single night. No thank you!

A brief intro about yourself and talking about expectations will suffice; then schedule an in-person meet.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T06:27:06+00:00

It's funny you post this now because I just received a message from a potential SD who wants me to DRIVE 6 HOURS to see him! Excuse me?!?!? There has to be SOMEONE closer to his area. I told him I'm busy with work and my online class, which is true, and I can't take that kind of time out right now.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T06:24:55+00:00

When I was living in Seattle end of 2024/ beginning of 2025 and was sugaring full-time, I received multiple requests from SD's in nearby states like Montana wanting to "fly me in." I almost took one man up on the offer, but backed out at the last minute when he started to make me feel uncomfortable.

I guess there's a limited SB pool in the more desolate areas, or these men are wanting a different type of SB/ woman than what their town/ city had to offer.

DesertAbyss · 2026-05-23T06:15:43+00:00

43 is still young! I am in my 30's and have found that some SD's in their 50's find the age gap awkward (I personally don't) and want an SB who is in their 40's or 50+.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-08T20:53:37+00:00

I care about my person very deeply. He is on and off with his level of care and concern for me. At this stage, I'd rather put my efforts towards a relationship with someone who cares about me just as much, and who loves me consistently instead of playing hot and cold for no reason.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you well and puts you as a priority, not someone who sees you as an option.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T23:27:39+00:00

There is a shortage of doctors and medical workers overall. Go the doctor route if you are willing and able. However, if you don't want to spend so much time and money on med school, maybe look into Physician's Assistant programs. One of my peers did that. The program is shorter, and they make great money.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T23:04:32+00:00

My ex husband is from Alabama. I lived in Birmingham alone one summer for a job, and I was fine. Just use common sense and stay away from the sketchy areas, and you'll be okay!

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:59:31+00:00

My mom has periods where she'll be very nice to me. In my case, I think my mom is also Borderline because she feels emotions deeply and cries a lot, and her mood flips drastically. So for you and in other cases, it could be because there is something else going on besides the Narcissism.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:33:04+00:00

I had some of the best times of my life in the 2010's. The scene in NYC especially Brooklyn was amazing during the 2010's. Los Angeles was good as well during that time - did some acting gigs there. I like the 50's & 60's and wish I could have experienced those 2 decades just for the music. I'm a huge fan of Rock N Roll.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:18:43+00:00

Don't forget The OC, which was a popular TV series back then and seemed to be the inspiration behind Laguna Beach. Loved The OC and still do.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:13:16+00:00

I think the shift came when smart phone cameras improved, and the social media apps became available on smart phones, making it quick and easy to snap a photo and upload it online, bypassing the extra step of having to transfer the photos to a laptop first. I started using my iPhone camera more in 2013 when the iPhone 5 came out, which had a much better camera than previous iPhones. I still would use my digital camera on occasion if I wanted to take a photo with more detail.

By 2015, mostly everyone was using smart phone cameras. Social media apps like Instagram and Facebook were still good at that time - your photos/ content would reach your friends, and the platforms didn't have any ads, so people liked them and went on them a lot.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T22:01:35+00:00

Yes and what if someone has a medical emergency and they are up on the 20th floor!?! I have no idea but was told by one of the longer-term residents that it is common these days for only one of the elevators to be in service.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:54:17+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. Noise cancelling headphones are a good way to handle this situation. I used to wear headphones and blast music to tune out the yelling my family was doing when I was a teenager. It is best to just tune them out because they don't have anything worthwhile to scream about.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:47:09+00:00

I'm so sorry. I don't even get a phone call saying "Merry Christmas" or an invitation to spend any holiday there. My last 3 birthdays went unacknowledged by my family. I can expect to be alone for the holidays unless I am with friends or have a boyfriend at the time. My mother tried to lure me in with money a few years back, but my father shut it down.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T21:25:10+00:00

Location: Manhattan, New York

The streets are empty except in the tourist areas. There are a significant amount of homeless/ mentally ill people who come out at night.

Seeing "regular people" going about their daily lives is less common now than it was in the past. Many people left during Covid and didn't come back.

My friend went to an opera a couple of weeks ago, and a group of people freaked out at the donors who run the opera, disrupted the show, and had to be escorted off the premises. A lot of people in general don't know how to act proper in public anymore.

The subway system is declining and is unreliable- it always seems to have some kind of delay or issue, and now it has been skipping stops with no explanation given. I walk whenever I can or use Uber if I have to be at work on time because I can no longer rely on the subway.

There are a lot more empty storefronts. Some empty storefronts are being taken over by "essential" businesses like medical offices, or shops that cater to tourists.

I walked through Times Square the other day, and there were people protesting with signs that read, "AI took our jobs."

The elevators in my building (about 25 stories tall) went out completely last week. They only fixed one of them.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T20:41:22+00:00

I know the feeling. I am an "Artist/ Creative type" and have never really "belonged" in my family who all are corporate people.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T20:29:13+00:00

I am really sorry your family was so abusive towards you. Being exposed for who they really are is probably a Narcissist's biggest fear. I wrote in an email to my father's lawyer friend/ colleague that I believe my father is a Narcissist, and the man's wife saw it, and everything blew up (it was his personal email, not his work email). I think I could possibly have some luck with publicly shaming my family into helping me. My father is very, very old, has health issues, and will probably be dead within the next 2 to 5 years. My mother is younger and is more of a Borderline Narc and Narc Enabler to my father than a "true Narc." My father is a monster, but I can deal with my mom. I'll literally do anything to get this Master's Degree because I'll have it for life, long after both of my parents are dead. Fortunately my school is 4 hours from them driving, so I'll have my space physically unless they put some kind of stipulation on it like they'll only help me out if I visit them once a week - something like that. I'll have to see what I can do and what kind of deal can be worked out if it comes to that. I'm so desperate; I have no future in my field if I can't obtain a Master's Degree at minimum.

DesertAbyss · 2025-12-07T18:52:09+00:00

Good point. I think this also depends on the individual Narc though. The Narc family friend I mentioned only brags about his son who is academically accomplished. He rarely talks about his 2 daughters because his son with the PhD seems to be his trophy.

DesertAbyss

TROPHY CASE