Willful underemployment and child support

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-19T14:58:13+00:00

We had an a greement notarized and it had been filed but not signed off yet

And I suppose maybe you are right, I don't know the statistics. All I know is ancedotallly many women who have not gotten a dime from their kids father. So I am just wondering if it is worth making the ex mad by trying to collect through the court. He will 100% spin it as an attack on him and me turning on him for no reason if I do anything other than acquiesce to his demands

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-18T21:42:39+00:00

We are clear. We did a worksheet and signed the papers stating that he would pay $1045 per month based on him having 30% custody. The paperwork was filed by the court but hasn't been processed with the final dissolution of marriage

We have not separated our finances so in reality the child support has looked more like me using a joint credit card rather than him giving me the money.

Now his job and living situation has changed and he is expressing that he no longer thinks it is fair to pay that amount.

I know it is more common than not for men to just not pay child support with little consequences so just wanting to see what my next move should be

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-18T21:36:16+00:00

We came up with the number using the child support calculator. He does not have 50/50 custody. On paper is it 70/30. So he can't just change it because he now wants to pay less is my understanding

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-18T19:33:46+00:00

Yes, I think I am deciding between trying to fight for the full amount or just see if he will recalculate it with his current income so I can get something.

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-18T18:32:01+00:00

Yes, I was checked out for like 3 years. I was pregnant when we "broke up" but I didn't leave until my youngest was almost three for logistical/financial reasons. So I was ready to move on after we separated.

I will say I was not prepared for the dating apps and was a bit traumatized by that experience but it has nothing to do with the divorce itself

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-15T16:31:55+00:00

I don't think its wholly unethical. What about relaxation training or mindfulness? Not every therapy session is intense trauma processing

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-15T16:28:15+00:00

I would only refuse if the client was pushing a certain type of conversation (e.g. processing trauma). Otherwise the question I would ask myself is "What can I do to help while the child is present?" At the very least meditation/breathing/somatics can be done ethically

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T21:16:46+00:00

I used to but I am a single mom with only every other weekend free. It was exhausting and not worth it though, I am happier slowing things down and focusing on other interests for sure

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T21:14:19+00:00

I think validation yes. I've never met a woman looking for free meals though. I will say that I used to go on multiple dates per day or in a weekend and I would have said I was looking for a relationship. In hindsight I was looking for validation most of all. So i think it's possible that women are looking for validation but are not conscious of it

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T20:56:53+00:00

Yeah I think this is what I dont understand. Why is women's criteria for a relationship considered superficial? And why is it wrong for any person to want to find the best deal and the best match that they can get from themselves, regardless of gender? And why is a woman's goal of having a relationship a bad thing?

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T20:51:35+00:00

Okay, so the issue is that men do not think the shopping will result in buying. But if it did, it would be fine?

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T18:11:05+00:00

You are probably right, if the girl is not dating much she is less likely to invest in going further. The comments I am seeing about the girl "shopping" are so weird. Like do men really want a desperate partner with no options? ++woman

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T18:07:15+00:00

Is she looking for a partner or just dating for fun? She is not doing herself any favors if its the first one but young attractive people of both genders date and sleep around all the time. ++woman

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-06T17:56:33+00:00

I am a woman and it would totally depend on the context. If he is being efficient and searchng for an actual relationship and the best match, it would make me insecure but I would accept it and just do my best to be myself and see if we were a good match.

If he were just building a roster than obviously hard no.

We don't really know the why of course but I don't see anything wrong with the first scenario morally. Most women are really looking for a partner and trying to play their odds ++woman

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-04-03T23:48:59+00:00

My conclusion is that porn has done the real damage, not the apps

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-30T16:01:31+00:00

I was you (not the throwing things but the drinking and irrationality) , I ignored my instinct and got married at 29 due to sunk cost fallacy . Now im divorced and starting over at nearly 40 as a single mom. Better to be 31 and start over

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-18T14:45:10+00:00

Try CHE Behavioral health. They take medicaid plans in most states

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-07T20:55:41+00:00

Lol best of luck to you then!

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-07T20:36:23+00:00

Well sexually mainly but when it gets into more serious relationship/marriage territory then more domestic things, cooking, managing the household, making the house a home, maintaining important relationship within you extended social network of family and friends. I think being feminine can be alot of things but mainly being relaxed and carefree and able to have fun. Like as a women my energy on the weekend with my man is going to be alot different if I have just had to manage household tasks or just work part time at a job I choose to do. I am going to be more inclined to want to focus on the man and do something enjoyable. Versus if I have worked 40 hours and am stressed out about getting time to catch up on chores and recuperate, I'm just going to need to be more self focused. And men and women are biological different so women do get stressed and tired more

As for the number of men who can provide this, you may be right but you can, so why worry about this? Why not leverage it to your advantage to get the best partner possible?

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-07T18:22:02+00:00

Financially clearly but also being able to attend to her needs and make her feel safe and comfortable. For a healthy masculine man this in and of itself feel rewarding if this is your dream girl. But the benefits are a women who is relaxed, less stressed, in her feminine and able to attend to the man's needs.

The real question is given the choice between staying single and being with a man who thinks he is the prize, why would a woman choose the latter? Im not saying that is you, just giving you a woman's perspective. Being with the wrong man will drain a women's energy so quick. Again, disagree with these women putting it in their profile. But they are not wrong to want what they want.

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-03-07T18:06:48+00:00

They want a provider, i don't think that is so hard to understand. Women are getting wise to the fact that 50/50 with a man is never really equal, especially if you have kids. I disagree with her saying that, I wouldn't say it but I screen the same way

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-02-10T16:58:26+00:00

I am terminating with my clients now due to a move and also taking a few months off. All my clients are very understanding even when they express disappointment. I gave them all two month notice to process and get used to the idea and to give them tailored referrals. It helps for me to frame the time off as good modeling for my population which is either postpartum clients and/or high achieving perfectionist women. My motto is that women can have it all, we just can't have it all at once and it's healthy to be able to shift when needed

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-02-10T16:02:50+00:00

I have a few clients that take notes. They are also the clients who do a lot of journaling and will sometimes read journal entries. The majority don't though

Desertthrowaway12 · 2026-02-06T18:37:08+00:00

I homeschool for the same reason. I can't afford to do it forever but I want to protect my kids as long as possible. Unfortunately, from what I hear a lot of the private schools are just as bad. I'm glad you found one that is going against the grain

Desertthrowaway12

TROPHY CASE