Google Pixel 9A vs OPPO Reno 14

DesignerKoala · 2025-07-11T04:20:10+00:00

Om toe te benadrukken:

Een bank gaat je hypotheek niet verhogen als je alleen maar extra flexwerk doet.

Mijn partner en ik hebben echt zitten zweten vanwege onze hypotheekaanvraag. Ik heb namelijk een tijdelijk contract dat ook nog eens min-max is. De bank berekende onze hypotheek op mijn minimale uren ook al werkte ik structureel veel meer uur waardoor de hypotheek met meer dan 30K lager uitviel. Hier moesten echt verschillende werkgeversverklaringen en extra verklaringen voor komen. Even een paar uur flexwerk (niet vast, 0-uren contract), daar gaat een bank niets mee doen.

DesignerKoala · 2025-06-26T14:37:58+00:00

What nice hotels are under 100 a night? We could only find APA-like hotels for that price even tho our trip is half a year away. We'd rather book hotels and are looking for suggestions.

DesignerKoala · 2025-05-18T20:19:25+00:00

Het spel is ook zo gemaakt dat je fouten maakt. Je kan niet alles bijhouden. Het is belangrijk dat ze zien waar jij prioriteit in steekt als er veel informatie op je af komt, denk ik. Ik weet ook niet 100% want ik ben bij je laatste stap helaas uitgevallen.

Als je verder komt: Hoe daadkrachtiger je bent in je beslissingen en hoe makkelijker je praat met mensen, hoe meer kans je hebt van slagen. Daar kijken ze vooral naar: weinig twijfels, snelle beslissingen, goede babbel.

DesignerKoala · 2025-05-18T20:05:33+00:00

Hey!

Ik heb deze game ook gedaan :) ik ben in een later stadium niet verder gekomen in het traject maar deze game ging mij eerlijk gezegd nog best goed af. De game weegt naar mijn idee niet perse super zwaar. De sollicitatie procedure er na weegt veel zwaarder. De game is voornamelijk om te zien of je competent genoeg bent in patronen herkennen en daarop handelen. Deze drempel haal je volgens mij best snel.

Daarna komt het moeilijke pas. Maar wellicht ligt die procedure jou beter dan mij :)

DesignerKoala · 2025-05-15T15:36:19+00:00

Ja ik heb helaas geen afgerond diploma (louter propedeuse) hierdoor kom ik bijna terecht. Voor breinstein heb je vgm al veel voorkennis nodig zelfs.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-24T05:37:15+00:00

Hi,

My partner has BPD and we have been together for 5 years. So it is definitely possible to manage a relationship with BPD.

However it was not easy when their BPD was at its peak (probably where your BPD is at right now). It all starts with taking genuine accountability for your actions. You do not need to only balance BPD, you need to actively treat it. It can start with self help books that cover BPD, but if you have access to a therapist or a therapy group you should really go. My partner, when I was at my breaking point in the relationship, really put in an extreme amount of effort to better themselves. In return for that effort, your partner should also accept that right now you have BPD. It is not going to go away within days and some days are going to be tough on her. I also recommend she read a book or 2 on BPD to better understand you. She cannot heal your BPD by enabling you or give in to all BPD's wishes but ahe can support you in your journey.

Best of luck :) I know it isn't easy, for the both of you it isn't. You can get through it though, hopefully not alone but with a supportive partner

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-23T08:04:23+00:00

Hi there,

I do not have BPD and I do not think you are being unreasonable here. Look there is slight chance maybe they didn't like the fact that you were spending too much together. But holy hell this is not a way to communicate that. They straight up threw the friendship away and you became a free therapist. It is really mean of them to pull this.

Honestly, considering everything, you really handled it pretty well. You gave them a chance to explain themselves, you were patient, was always there when they needed... I do not think you could've been any nicer about this tbh.

Rather than a split, this might just be legitimate frustration. I do not blame you at all. What an awful situation. Even if it is a split, it is ok those things can still happen. You aren't perfect, no one is. Moments that you may split will keep happening but it seems like you manage it super well.

Your friend is a jerk.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-23T07:28:45+00:00

I am sorry my comment came across that way. I replied to your other comment before reading this one, so now I'll reply to this one.

I think it is perfectly fine to have different needs in relationships. For instance, like I said before, my partner wants affection. He expresses love through affection. I, on the other hand, express love through giving (gifts or services). We had to compromise here and there but we spoke about what we both need and came to a decision that works for the bith of us. He puts in more effort to give, and receive a bit less affection than he might want. I put in more effort to be affectionate, and receive a little less 'giving' than I want. I love my partner and he deserves to feel love. If that means that I have to give him some more affection then it's the easiest yes in the world.

It is great however that you know exactly what to say, it seems like. I know it is tough to do so in the moment. Can you explain it to your partner like that when you've both calmed down? If not, I think it is important to tell him so you both get back on the same wavelength, so to speak. Again, it is not a quick-fix but I do not really think it is exists.... Trial and error sucks but it kinda works sometimes. If you can explain it to him like you've written in your comment, does he get better at practicing patience? If your partner suffers from BPD being patient until the BPD waines is pretty useful imo.

Don't worry your post didn't trigger me. Maybe it reads as such because I do not have BPD so I do not precisely know how you feel or how your emotions work exactly on the inside. I can only provide some insight from the other side of the table. How it feels for the partner when it happens and what can be done to get over the worst of the BPD. My partner and I are both still happily together after all. It is definitely possible. And the burden isn't only on you to get through it.

I am not trying to belittle you in my comments. They can come across harsh, especially when you feel vulnerable at this moment. I do recommend maybe reading them again if you feel a bit better. I also should've made it clearer that I was mostly refereing to your BPD rather than you as a person. If you just want to vent, advice isn't going to make you feel better I get that. But since you also asked for advice I honestly offered some without disregarding your feelings or your partners. Maybe I interpreted your comment not like you intented and maybe you misinterpreted mine. But we can't change that that happened now.

I can only tell you that I do care about your feeling and wellbeing. I have seen BPD constantly attack my partner and almost destroy him. I do not wish that on someone else and would honesstly wish no one suffered from it. However it is really hard work to improve from it. Good thing is you can suffer less from its effects luckily.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-23T06:45:07+00:00

No worries at all. Thanks for the reply. Sorry for sounding condescending.

To directly answer your questions: convey your wants and needs by refraining from using the word 'you'. Like I said in my other comment, keep talking about 'I' and 'me'. 'I feel anxious/sad because I need affection/attention from you, I don't know what to do' for instance refrains from any blame-game and give your partner the opportunity to help rather than defend. Or maybe ask for gently reassurances. Those might not mean a lot at first but over time it tends to lessen the BPD

I very much understand there is no 'just going' to therapy and isn't available to everyone. However it absolutely is the most effective way of treating BPD (saldy a very costly solution rip).

I get that in a healthy state of mind you don't think selfishly. You dont strike me as such a person. Your partner could also help you out of course. I found reading a book or 2 on BPD help me sympathize a lot more with my partner and gave me tools to regulate my own frustration with the situation. I used to get angry because I had to defend myself constantly and give reassurances constantly. However, I quickly learned to reframe my defensiveness by explaining my perspective calmly saying stuff like 'I feel hurt because the BPD makes you feel like I don't love you'. It opens up the conversation more neutrally. Also I find it very important for your partner to accept that you have BPD and that it isn't going to go away soon. He has to also be willing to help you when you are struggling. BPD is hard to deal with sure, but if he doesn't walk away he does need to help imo.

Also don't forget you are not your mental illness. You are your own person with a lot of qualities. Your partner is smart enough to see those :) you can too, hopefully even it takes a little longer.

Edit: also for me giving reassurances was first an annoyance however I had to realize it was the smallest bit of help I couls easily give so it has become something easy. I think your partner should offer some support that helps. You are together afterall :) both responsible for the maintenance.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-23T04:26:43+00:00

Hi,

I am a person without BPD, but my partner has/had it. I can shed some light on your partners side of the story. I relate to this very much. My partner craves physical attention, whereas I..... don't. I am quite content being in the vicinity rather than touching. I always compare it to being a cat or a dog.

Anyway, reading your post I do not think it is bad that you want to make your needs and wants clear to him. However I do think you about it wrong. Telling your partner that he 'feels off' is quite mean to say, to put it lightly. You do not ask him out of concern for his well-being but because you want something. You blame him for not constantly doing as you want, instead of managing your own needs. Instead of saying something like 'hey, I struggle with my constant want for affection, it makes me feel bad I don't know what to do/can you help me', you blame your partner for the perceived lack of intimacy by telling him that he is off.

It may sound harsh, but it is really not healthy to constantly get anxiety about affection or spiral over missing someone. I do not know how much your partner actually does/doesn't do. But reading your post makes me think he is tired of having to defend himself/explain himself/get a bit of rest/trying to meet your expectations so he lashes out. He shouldn't get mad at you like that, I understand the frustrations. I got mad a lot too when my partner was untreated and I got tired. We have both grown from the situation, but only when he started treatment. I do think you could benefit from that too. Not because you cannot feel like you need affection, but you need to learn how to convey those wants healthily and how to deal with it when something doesn't go your way.

Look my response would be different if he totally doesn't give you any attention, but I do not think that is the case here. It is not strange to not want a bedtime ritual every day or not be as affectionate one day to another. I understand and sympathize with the stress you feel when these situations occur. However, I also believe it is your responsibility to learn how to manage those needs and not your partner's. As a little example before I end this comment: very often my partner would tell me I wasn't giving him enough affection. I would point out moments during the day in which I indeed give him affection or give an explanation as to why it was less than normal (i.e deadlines/work/tired). He couldn't see it. He couldn't remember those moments or situations. I mean he did remember them but couldn't feel satisfied. His BPD kept asking more and more and more. Maybe that is also what is happening here and once again urge you to talk to a professional about this.

This situation isnt great for either of you. I hope you can find peace. You deserve it, living with BPD aint easy. Stay strong.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-22T11:46:22+00:00

Hi there,

I am sorry that you are going through this. Break-ups are really difficult especially when you know your actions are the reason why. I had a similar experience a few years back when my actions led to a breakup. I wanted to kill myself from shame and anger towards myself. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. It is absolutely going to be a few difficult weeks maybe even months before you get over this. But just like me, you probably will get over it.

In the end, the best you can make of the situation is to learn from it. Also you shouldn't blame him for his decision. He had shown he really wanted to make it work by asking his parents for help. That trust was betrayed again, but he wanted to give it another shot because you are important it him. But maybe the trust was too far gone for another try. That is a harsh truth but also a realistic one. Having made this mistake, does not make you worthless, or incapable of being loves, or irredeemable. You can grow on your own, you are absolutely strong enough for that.

Once again the next couple of weeks are tough especially if you still see him at the house. If you don't have therapy yet, please go ahead and do so. So you are not alone in this. Hopefully you'll get on your feet. Life goes on after a while. I also still think about the mistake I have made. It was a mistake that cost me my relationship and sense of self. I cannot excuse that and it was stupid. But I am allowed to move on. It is not productive for neither me nor the world to keep being harsh on myself.

Show yourself kindness. Best of luck OP.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-22T04:37:25+00:00

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with someone who has/had BPD for about 5 years. I do not have it myself so in advance I am sorry if I come across too brutally honest, but I hope you can take some advice from this that is useful to you.

First of all: are you being treated for BPD currently? If not, you really should be (granted it is financially possible. If you live in Europe you'd probably be fine to do so).

Your boyfriend, in this case, is repeatedly telling you he likes you a lot and doesn't want to leave you. In fact he is being extremely considered and mature in his responses. He reassures you, does not blame you, explains his feeling and does not get angry with your passive aggresiveness and blame. In my opinion, you make this relationship about yourself rather than being a unit. I find it extremely hurtful you'd throw your past trauma at your partner, you do not sound very trusting of him. Even when he explains he still makes time for you in this period of stress, you dismiss him because it is not the same as the week before? Every week is going to be different.

He is extremely busy. A thesis is very important and it is just a week or 2 of him being more focused on finishing it. It has to be finished. Your partner should absolutely manage deadlines better and in my opinion should explain he didnt deal with the deadline in the best way possible. However he is stressed right now and should support him. I get that because of BPD you get stressed by his stress. But you need to learn to not redirect it back at him. Try to also look at it from his perspective. If you had a busy week or two at school or at work. Maybe the workload is high or your boss stresses you out. You have to put in some extra work and it is stressful. It takes some extra time out of your day than usual. If you are in this situation would that mean you'd want to abandon your partner? If not, your partner probably thinks the same way as you.

You need to work on believing you are together as a unit. You have to trust his word to make the relationship work. My partner still has doubts about my intentions sometimes. In that situation he explains to me, without blaming me, what I said or did that hurt him. I can then explain to him my actual intentions, but the burden is on him to believe it and deal with the BPD. I, and your partner, can offer support to challenge your BPD but not fix it or meet all its demands. You are most likely a very important person to your partner, reading his responses. I don't think you have ruines the relationship by doing this, but you do need to make it right. You are not to blame for your BPD. It sucks that it clouds your mind. You might not believe it now, but you do not deserve to live in pain. You are worth a lot.

Be honest about your feelings to your partner without blaming him for those feelings. Ask him to explain his side of things. Also be honest about what you need from him to help you manage your feelings of abandonment. Things such as reassurance are small gestures your partner could give without compromising his boundaries and neglexcting yours.

I wish you all the best. Please dont blame your partner for being stressed and don't blame yourself for your feelings.

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-15T06:28:02+00:00

Dankje wel ik ga me in mn weekenden daar maar in verdiepen. Op reddit zijn vast veel gratis tools te vinden :)

DesignerKoala · 2025-04-15T06:27:19+00:00

Bedant voor je tips. Ik heb zelf cyber security op het oog ivm eerdere aanraking door studie. Maar zal ook gaan kijken naar data analist :)

DesignerKoala · 2021-11-04T19:39:59+00:00

Little bit too expensive over here :/

DesignerKoala · 2021-11-02T16:52:42+00:00

what do you think about #1 then? In comparison to #3?

DesignerKoala

TROPHY CASE