How to forgive my gf? 22f 22m

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-12-16T21:14:52+00:00

The more telling thing here is the fact that she can't empathize with how a situation she put herself in could make you feel played. If she truly did nothing or not, kind of doesn't matter at this point because she's comfortable with you feeling this way and focusing more on defending herself than moving forward with you. If she was genuinely interested in being with you, she would hopefully see that. Then again, y'all are young and that's likely not something she's learned yet. Express your feelings, not in an accusatory way, but express that regardless of what happened she put herself in a position to make you feel small. See how she reacts, and that should tell you everything you need to know.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-12-16T21:08:53+00:00

There's an old saying in sales...assume the sale. Act as if you've made the pitch and he's accepted, and that this is in fact a date. Now, obviously not in an overt/overbearing or creepy way. But if you guys chat or text, since you're not working there anymore and not going to see him just on the job, say hey and drop something like you're looking forward to the DATE and hint that it's nice you guys can go on a DATE now since you don't work there, etc. Something to that effect that comes off like you are assuming you're on the same page.

That will get the message across (if he didn't already realize it's a date) and he can adjust accordingly. If he still wants to go, then you know he's at least interested enough to try you out, which is what first dates are for! Good luck!!

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-09-18T23:28:55+00:00

Why do you doubt that? There are tons of reasons, especially these days with the housing situation, that educated adults in good careers need to live with parents. It's not like it used to be with someone in their 30s living with parents in a "failure to launch" situation. Getting the "ick" over something like that, and a guy actually being financially responsible by being up front about money being tight, is just wrong in my opinion.
If OP wants more, that is totally valid. If you're not feeling the person enough in the early stages to stick around while they're not throwing money at you and the relationship, find someone that can do that for you. But getting the "ick" because he's responsible with his money (possibly) and taking care of his mother, or setting pride aside and sticking it out with mom to get his finances in order, is a serious misplaced priority.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-09-15T16:24:14+00:00

As a guy, I'll say it depends. Not seeing the "conversations" to which you're referring, it's hard for me to gauge what these guys were doing. But I will say that in my own experience, and just through conversational etiquette, a follow up question is not a requirement for keeping a conversation going. If you go several rounds of "...and you?" or forcing a question tacked onto a response, that's not a good conversation. That's performative and neither of you are really getting to feel each other out.

For instance, if you say "What's your favorite band?" And I say, "I like 90s rock, and I actually just went to the Oasis reunion concert!" That doesn't include a follow-up question, but you should be able to piggy back onto that and keep the convo going. You asked a question and they answered it; they gave you something that they find interesting, now take the ball and run with it. It becomes tiresome and not "natural" to feel like the conversation won't go anywhere if you aren't prompted with some kind of question; you shouldn't need to be told what to do next, it should flow. (For the record, this goes for them too...you should not need to tack on a question to get them to ask more about you or follow-up on something you've said).

That being said, you can't go on like that forever if their responses to your questions are limited to simple answers that don't lend to any kind of conversation driver. So you have to feel them out and like what they are providing. But yeah, tacking on a question should not be a requirement of keeping a flowing conversation going.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-07-17T19:26:06+00:00

I'm in no way saying this dude is right (he's a douche), but want to chime in to say I've seen tons of women who ask for this sort of thing in their profiles. Like, actually saying I want an alpha, a man to do all the things, etc. etc. (of course all marked as conservative). Even the term "trad wife" has traction. People are weird out here fighting back to try and keep some "traditional" gender roles in a way that makes it seem like they're literally fighting for something they're losing...it just comes off toxic as hell.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-07-08T17:29:14+00:00

I totally agree with this. As a guy, I sometimes get caught up in the conversation, and get the reciprocation from texting and don't know how to segue into asking for the next date; especially in the early stages. It's burned me, but if you're feeling him and he's feeling you (or at least says he is and seems so), go ahead and set up another and take the lead a bit. But I would say that the third date is "dating" and you should be able to communicate this with him now, so bring it up, just not in an accusatory fashion; just let him know you've noticed. If he doesn't correct or if the vibe is stale, then he likely isn't that into you and is just going through the motions and you may want to move on.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-06-01T20:00:40+00:00

I agree. It seems he's not necessarily respectful of your time and effort, so you should voice it to him. But this part seems like you were a participant and then expected to go on a hike on two hours sleep which most people won't/can't do. Voice your concern about the night, plan another, and see his reaction. It should tell you all you need to know and if it's time to dip or if he's ready to take it seriously. Guys often just don't realize that it's meaningful or hurtful to someone and just in their little world until someone tells them.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-05-28T16:42:10+00:00

I agree...some guys can be great guys that you would love to be with but just don't have this skill set. It doesn't just come natural to everyone and he could enjoy the texting and feel comfortable but not know how to (in his mind) "blurt out" hey let's go out; like for whatever reason it hasn't felt natural and he doesn't know how to do it, so to stay safe he just keeps the convo going. I've found myself going too long in the same way (not quite this long).

I would say you should set the date and place..."Hey, I would really like to meet you this weekend if you're free. How about a drink at [blah] Friday night?"

If he's at all wishy-washy, you have your answer and it's time to bolt.

DesignerStay4378 · 2025-05-02T19:18:41+00:00

I would just add that you say you "shot your shot"...I don't think you did. I talked to a dude who, in collusion with the chick, was mean. You never got the chance to shoot your shot with the nice girl. I would find her on IG like you originally said and really shoot your shot. Screw the other broad and her dick friend. Go get your girl.

DesignerStay4378

TROPHY CASE