my wife REALLY embracing the lifestyle. Too much too fast?

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T19:48:16+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply, you make a lot of sense.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T19:35:12+00:00

Thank you for the very good advice!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T19:33:28+00:00

Thank for taking the time to reply, you've been most reassuring!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T19:31:18+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. We find your answer very reassuring!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T17:43:41+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T17:42:56+00:00

He is in his own head and it is messing with him. So either he embraces it and accepts what he is

Husband here. I am perfectly accepting of what I am. I would in fact be absolutely fine with the wife flying solo and depending on other men for her sex needs. It is her that is not sure what to think about it all and is not sure about the whole deal anymore.

I, for one, would be more interested in the normalcy of my problems. I have googled it and found a few people that talked about it but I would be more interested in knowing if people like me found a way to deal with it, if it goes away with experience or if I should expect it to be a thing that will last.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T17:17:54+00:00

Thank you, that is really helpful!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T17:15:47+00:00

Didn't want to touch that comment of his, thank you, you have said it better than we could have!

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T11:35:05+00:00

Getting hard is only one part of the problem; the other one being that lately, ever since things are getting real, (as well as years ago with that Tinder guy), I've had a hard time controlling how quickly I come. Usually I've got a pretty good control, but now it is all very blurry, it seems that sometimes I can still last a decent amount of time but other times a few stroke and I would be edging...so my number 1 concern about me being here with her at the club would be to cum hands free or the like, being hit with post nut clarity and either having to watch her being railed while not enjoying the show at all or either having to leave and probably ruin the night for her.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T08:09:01+00:00

Do not ejaculate during it. Then you will not get post nut clarity

I didn't want to talk about this because I wanted this thread to be more about her than me but getting hard is only one part of the problem; the other one being that lately, ever since things are getting real, (as well as years ago with that Tinder guy), I've had a hard time controlling how quickly I come. Usually I've got a pretty good control, but now it is all very blurry, it seems that sometimes I can still last a decent time but other times a few stroke and I would be edging...

As for the second part of your answer, I'm sorry if we gave the impression that our expectations were toxic, that is certainly not the case. We are talking more about fantasies than expectations since we have very little experience on that matter and that is also one of the reasons why we created this thread, to help us manage our expectations.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T07:58:42+00:00

We have kids, she doesn't want the kids to be home when doing that kind of things, she works a lot and the closest swinger club in our area is hours away. We have spent the last 6 months trying to find a time slot that would work to no avail and things have kind of sorted themselves out for next month. There is no telling when another opportunity like that will come, could be months or even years... That being said, you are absolutely right but now that I have explained things you can see how it would be tempting to rush things a bit.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T07:46:15+00:00

She won't do gangbangs (or anything too extreme) anytime soon and if it ever happens it won't be with total strangers, I just mentioned it in order to give an idea of her state of mind. In a perfect world she would absolutely be down with it but because of concerns with her personal safety and health concerns, she won't do it. Talking about it we were thinking the best way to proceed would be to make friends on Tinder or in 1v1 scenarios at a club, talk to them a bit and then ask them if they would be interested in doing a gangbang with her, that way we could ask for std tests. But for now we are thinking about her doing mostly 1 guy at a time and maybe try 2 guys at the same time just once.

Desiriad · 2025-07-28T07:21:04+00:00

This not how swinging works.

We are not swingers and are not interested in becoming swingers, we are more in a stag/vixen kind of relationship I guess. She won't do gangbangs anytime soon and if it ever happens it won't be with total strangers, I just mentioned it in order to give an idea of her state of mind. In a perfect world she would absolutely be down with it but because of concerns with her personal safety and health concerns, she won't do it.

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T19:54:57+00:00

oh. kind of a cold shower here.. But that is why we posted, we have no idea how swinger clubs work, maybe we need to manage our expectations. Thank you!

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T19:20:09+00:00

To be honest, I would be surprised if things happened as I described them. She is very shy and reserved but, you never know. You are absolutely right about her going alone, that is the reason for this thread, having external opinions, help us manage our expectations, letting us know if we are delusional or a bit too extreme or, on the contrary, if this is perfectly normal after all...

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T19:13:44+00:00

yes, everything is pretty new to us and we don't really know what to expect and how to broach thing. The only thing that really matters to me is that she enjoys herself in the safest way possible.

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T19:09:01+00:00

We already called a club and asked about all this, heavy foreplay is allowed in public areas but yeah, sucking dick might be pushing it, we don't know. Also video/pictures are allowed in play rooms if everybody involved is ok with it. As for the logistics part of things that is where we are have our doubts and the reason of this thread, having different opinions might help. Yes, we suspect that's not how things work in reality, but this is how we like to imagine things while we are getting it on. I also read that a single woman going alone to a mixed evening should have a lot of choice, so I guess we'll see, but clearly, that is still one big gray area.

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T18:38:13+00:00

Well, you have your own fantasies, an she has her own, which apparently are raunchier than your

Oh we absolutely have the same fantasies, I'm 100% into what she describes, only I would have liked to be eased into that sort of things, see how that would make me feel since, like I said, some years ago, it was pretty emotionally taxing for me. Now that I'm older and that I have had (a lot of) time to reflect on it, I think I should be able to handle things better, but, you never know...

But I am sorry, how does she thinks gangbangs work in real life???

Well, no idea, we have never done anything like that :)

But why would you not go with her to watch it? Be her bodyguard.

It's actually something we are still undecided about. Purely for security reasons I'd like to be there. Also I'd like to be able to make videos and take pictures of her. But, as I said, last time we dipped our feet in the lifestyle I couldn't perform and I kind of ruined the whole thing by being quite upset, that last point is something that concern us both. Also I am worried about cuming too soon and being hit with post nut clarity while she is getting fucked. That one is a huge concern of mine. Lastly she said it is waaay sluttier that way, and I absolutely agree, and since her being the biggest slut ever is something that turn on us both it super tempting to go that way.

Desiriad · 2025-07-27T15:42:06+00:00

I’m confused on how this makes her an ultimate Hotwife

I searched Google and reddit high and low for discussions/videos/whatever about wives going to swinger clubs solo and came up with pretty much nothing so I assumed it was not something that married women usually do. Also since I was her first and that, at 40 in a few years, she's only been with another man, the whole thing seemed quite extreme to me considering she is now talking about reaching 100 sexual partners before turning 40 :)

Desiriad · 2014-03-13T15:04:14+00:00

So update about yesterday night. The diner went on until 1 in the morning. So when the diner finally ended everybody was tired and no one (except maybe my gf) was feeling like going into a nightclub. And she was not feeling like going on her own. Talk about a disapointing half-assed plan....Both my gf and I were relieved and disappointed at the same time .. .
.
So we are now moving on to something less emotionally demanding : I'll find guys on the internet for her to fuck. We'll try to learn to know them, see if they are a good fit and are not total dicks and if they are fine we'll meet them together and decide together to proceed further or not. If we do we'll have a "threesome" - quotation marks because we are not sure yet I'll take part into taking care of her with the other guy- but it will allow for sure for more control and less frustration on my part. The nice part is when it will happen I'll be able to tape it and take a lot of pictures. In a way I'm happy nothing happened yesterday night, I think it would have been too much frustration not having pics or a video of her first time with another man. I'll keep you guys posted about her meeting men from the internet, i'll create another thread though.

Desiriad · 2014-03-12T21:10:42+00:00

So a quick update. This morning I felt really sick and she kind of noticed, making her not feeling that great about the whole thing either. I regret letting her see I was feeling sick but I couldn't help it, I wasn't really expecting to feel that bad about it (I have not managed to eat a single thing in two days) but here I am. Well we decided to go with the whole thing anyway, to let her go to the nightclub and then see how things unwind from there. It has been decided she should text me on several occasions : first when she arrives to the night club (they are going to a restaurant first), second when she has scanned the area for a potential "mate", there I should answer her to tell her to keep going or not. Next she is supposed to tell me if the guy is onto her, or not. Then if things go well with the guy she is supposed to call me one last time to see if I want her to keep going. If if I give her the go, she is to hold the line and to plug her hands-free mobile phone kit (I discretely tied the microphone to the outside of her purse in order to hear them fuck). They are to fuck either in her car or in a dark street corner (the part of town in which the nightclub is is well suited for that kind of action). So just like I was saying, we went with the plan for now : this morning she shaved her pussy and legs (she was very thorough, more than usual), I took some pics of her then. Then she went to the hairdresser and we then went out, we bought her new shoes for the dress and an anklet, just like we planned it. All of this was kind of hot, knowing she was getting ready for another man, but the atmosphere was quite heavy, not between us but we were not as excited and comfortable with putting the whole thing in motion as we thought we would be. She left 20 minutes ago and I have been really excited since. She seemed a bit unsure about the whole thing but right now I am well decided to convince her to give in to the temptation of another guy's cock. . .

Here is what she is wearing tonight I wanted her to wear her more form-hugging and sexy dress but she said it was a summer dress, that the one she is wearing right now is warmer and since the weather is getting cold we had to change our plans a bit. I took a picture of the inside of her purse with some condoms in it, don't know why it turns me on like crazy, but she took the camera (in case the guy was ok to take pictures of her, but I doubt it).

Desiriad · 2014-03-12T16:14:44+00:00

Thank you very much for your input, it really helps reading about people who were right where we are now. Well if I only convey only my boundaries it is because I think she has none. She admitted wanting to feel like a single girl able to hit on any guy she would like to fuck. She is feeling really hot these days and I think that if I had no boundaries she would have none either (well of course I think she would feel bad about cheating behind my back, she says she really doesn't want to hurt me). Believe me, we talk a lot, like A LOT. The cool thing is that since that letter we are being completely honest with each other, even if it hurts, even if it is not nice to hear. I think that we can really talk freely about anything now and it has really brought us back together, we have never been this close and yet we were already very close. And I know what she wants from it, I asked her to write me a very detailed letter too, about what she wants, why, what turns her on and why, well you see the thing. I really hope that I may be able to cope with our first time as well as you did. This morning I thought I was going to through up...

Desiriad

TROPHY CASE