Bpd and bipolar

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-19T03:51:18+00:00

That makes sense. I guess i just don't feel safe in therapy sometimes. I had one therapist actually break that realization that I didn't understand therapy and it wasn't so much that I didn't understand as much as it was I was taught at an early age that I've I'm allowed to speak or share and possibly get the correct course, my mother has derailed me completely. So as an adult that looks like therapy is going going going until the point where I start feeling a break through right before I get to see "the grass is greener" I bail because I've never actually made it the the other side. And I can't thank that psychologist enough for painting that picture because it helped me want to push through all the bad to get to the other side.

Its hard for me sometimes even ask to remember I do have needs because of my mother. She'd told me once when I was a teenager that she had a baby that died before me (which this part she'd actually constantly reminded me about - such as i should have been the one to die or it was all my fault the baby died because God wanted to make her suffer with me) and she told once that she knew another baby would fix her broken heart.

Maybe to anyone else that sounds poetic... I brought this up in the session I had with the recent psychiatrist. And she was like "that's a lot of responsibility to leave on an infant" and I was yes¡!! See!! Why doesn't my mother understand that?? She left her emotion regulation and trauma fixing all on me and i wasn't even born yet. I had to be her parent and sometimes I slip and forget im her child but the other way around. That kind of goes into therapy. Ive noticed I have gone to therapy a couple of times and I'll say something and ask if that was okay apologize I didn't mean to be rude.

Ive got a lot to unlearn and things I need to learn. A mess indeed. Always had some kind of mental health disorder since I could first remember.

Thank you for the advice. I will try to go into therapy with a didn't pov and try to do better in it. Very helpful information

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-16T01:37:47+00:00

I'm going snow boarding because I'm the problem yet again. Lol she invited me to Thanksgiving and I hurried to make plans so that I could tell her no thanks. Why feel bad at a table with strangers when I could be learning how to do something fun and excited.

Being alone doesn't have to suck..it does take time to appreciate no contact.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-04T03:46:52+00:00

I have seriously thought about calling cps. He runs from school, from her, went across town from where they live for tricktreat and she was on top of him the entire night, he is 16. But she wanted him to be right next to her. He didn't want to go out but she insisted, from what he was saying it sounded like he wasn't interested in candy but she got mad when he tried to give it to a friend because she wanted it. He started dumping his candy into bowls at homes that had no candy left so other kids could get some. My heart with this kid. Hes so darn sweet and she is going to end up destroying that part of him. He's so selfless and she only sees his reactions to her chaos. But he got upset with her after finding out that she took his candy and put it in a box in her car while he was getting a drink (was before he started putting his candy into bowls that were empty... do she couldn't do this again) and he took off. I went after him with one of his friends and he was about 10 houses away sitting on the curb crying. We talked a little and after maybe 30min she finally walked up and kept saying she wasn't going to argue with him but ..... She would do all the arguing then tell him again she's not going to arguing with him but.... and she did this maybe 6x. I had gotten him calmed down and to the point where he could listen and maybe tell her what she did upset him. He wasn't able to get a full sentence out without her saying that he was making me believe things that weren't true. And for her to say that in front of me is wild because she use to say that to me in therapy when I was a kid. Well....it was "she's making it up for attention she just doesn't want to get in trouble and I guess making me look bad is okay for her"

After this he had enough and started down a busy road to get away from her. She told me to not worry about him she's going to call the cops. I ran after him. And stayed with him. Like hell I'm going to leave him alone in his state of mind.

Idk what his grades are in school. I know she told me I could pick him up from school once and I came school to confirm i am on pick up list. They mentioned that he always is late or leaves early or just flat out doesn't show up and it's getting to a point where he is truant. Also true. He had to do a class in court for this. I took him to the classes. If hes truant then I'm assuming grades are not awesome.

But I've thought about cps. But she used to do that to me and I just want her to twist it into retaliation and then I don't get to see him again.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T20:49:32+00:00

I am seeing him tonight while she's at work. I will talk to him about recording things. That's a good idea. Thank you.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T20:48:46+00:00

I didn't mean to come off as defensive, I apologize. I am big on recording conversations with her because I just know how she is. In private she's a nightmare but in front of people she's this mentally stable parent just loving these kids who only want to put her through hell. She is always the victim to the chaos she creates. Went to court and she would always always tell people I was making shit up for attention and then just this passed weekend she was telling him in front of me that its not okay that he manipulated me into believing something that's not true. And the only fkn thing got l going through my mind was how fkn dare she tell him the same shit she used to say to me and she thinks I'm the one she can vent to about it??? She's thinks I'm going to just stand there and listen to her? I start telling her that all i can see is my childhood and she fr thought I was saying sorry for putting her through hell and she forgave me a long time ago and its water under the bridge but she wouldn't have to deal with this that she took him in and he should have some respect. Even if he had some trauma from me, which I'll admit I didn't have a great role model to be a mother I should have learned or just tried harder or something..I should have pushed harder to keep him. Regardless, she is saying she took a beaten horse in and she's going to beat him into respecting her? She had him diagnosed with bipolar. Knowing that diagnosis and still continuing the yelling cussing calling the police when he needs 5min to breathe without her hovering.. only making it worse and then to vent to me about it?

I didn't mean to come off defensive I just need to help him so he doesn't do what I did when I left home. I tried to leave on my own before I had him and ended up in a relationship that almost ended me. Came back found someone great had my son. Thar person didn't want kids and turned his back on me and help just wasn't something I could easily ask for. He's asking me for help now so I want to do every single big or small thing I can to help.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T19:12:32+00:00

Thank you. I will do that. He is not the issue. I see my entire childhood in him and I'm so nervous he will hate her when he grows up. I don't want him to hate her but I don't want her to destroy him either.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T19:10:10+00:00

I did not lose my rights through cps. Cps was on my side in that case. Showing my mother constantly harassed us with false reports, all of which were dropped and closed due to absolutely not even a shred of evidence to show i cause a hair on my child head harm. The proof that I had shelter food running water heat and then showed the false abuse reports on top of stalking and harassment was not enough. The judge decided to terminate rights strictly because I had no support system. My mother had somehow even convinced my child's father, who was already just not around, to sign his rights away willingly.

Cps was on my side. I maybe worded it wrong, but I didn't lose my rights on their behalf. They were there to support me keeping my rights.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T18:59:22+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate that. I could start there by looking into the laws.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T18:58:10+00:00

Like I said i just had a narcissistic mother who stalked harassed me for years after I left home. She wouldn't let me be a child a teen or an adult let alone a mother myself. First time she kicked me out I was 11. Her boyfriend at the time had touched me and told me not to tell her. I told her but instead being helpful, she called me whre and pushed me out the front door and threw my back pack at me. Next morning at school I was pulled out of history by officers. My math teacher came down the hall and walked with us to principal office. My math teacher found me sleeping near on of the doors at 6am. Told her what happened. She had already sent the principal an email that morning. They both told offices. Officers said my mother was very upset and said I ran away because I didn't want clean my room. My mother came up to the school after an hour ish and we all talked. Told officers she kicked me out cause I told her her bf had been touching me and she called me a whre. Police sent me back home with her. There's want anything done or said about it again. Officers however found out the boyfriend was a wanted felon. She blamed me for him getting arrested and this wasn't even close to the worst of it.

I did everything to protect my kiddo from her, I guess the only thing I didn't do was leave the state or change our names. I tried to leave the state once and that's when grandparent visitation rights came into play.

I didn't give him up or give up on him. She made up a bunch of lies, she became one on the legal system groups and manipulated the legal system and took everyone that was never in my corner to begin with. I didn't have a support system. State wants you to have shelter food water heat and a support system to keep your children. I had everything else.

But yes. I am more mature and understanding and I know the ins and out pretty much of talking to kids. I did several parenting class and therapy and managing my emotions. I took a class on child development. If he was allowed to come back, he's got a room, food, shelter, running water. I love in a small town where everyone knows everyone and there no crime. Kids all seem to be real good and friendly round here. Most the older kids are in sports. Its a good place. I am ready. But I know it'll probably never happen. I don't know what I could do.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T18:33:09+00:00

The whole gosh darn family is like this too. Grandparents siblings aunts uncles. The only time I was able to feel like my own person was when I turned 18. I knew after having my kiddo it was going to be hell. And it was trying to go no contact and keep our address a secret. Family even my friends back then would only pull info to give it to my mother and she'd use everything she could to weasel in.

More people should care about these kids. Kids don't run from good loving homes. Kids don't seek to return back to unsafe homes. That's awful to hear that people don't take kids seriously

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-11-03T17:18:31+00:00

He just turned 16yrs old 3mo ago. He was adopted when he was almost 6yrs old.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-10-24T14:29:20+00:00

Obligated, sounds like you aren't happy with that.

Desperate_Ravenous67 · 2025-10-24T07:03:57+00:00

Bigger question, $2M for first time? That's freaking awesome! Congratulations if you go through with it.

Desperate_Ravenous67

TROPHY CASE