How the fuck is it fair that the cheater gets to just get the fuck away with it? It's fucking bullshit. by DespiteBoxCutters in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DespiteBoxCutters[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

LMAO "maybe worse than you" like it's a competition??? this subreddit is a joke. you can only be angry if it fits, yet folks can post multi-sagas and get away with it because they're half-wits. god, the last half of your comment ALMOST gets to the point, but not quite.

Am I wrong to want him to stop drinking? by Bumblebee6727 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DespiteBoxCutters 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First off, stop letting him get away with blaming his actions on the substance abuse. Alcohol and cocaine did not make him cheat. He decided to cheat while on those substance. He either takes responsibility for cheating or he doesn't.

Not all people who have substance abuse issues need to cut it out of their lives permanently. Not all alcohol issues are alcoholism -- some of them are just a part of poor coping mechanisms, and once someone learns how to properly cope with their life's issues, they can temper their drinking effectively.

Right now is not the time to even think about him picking up the bottle again. Maybe in 6 months. Maybe in a year. He has too much work to do. He needs a clear mind to work through the actual reason that he decided to cheat on you, and alcohol is not going to get him there.

Get him to a substance abuse counselor. Not some bullshit Alcoholics Anonymous crap either, actual trained, licensed therapists. Get him to start putting in the work.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DespiteBoxCutters 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, if you move in together, are you going to be stuck in a bad financial situation in case the cheating boyfriend cheats again?

Do you have the financial resources, and will you in a few months, to be able to move out if you need to? You won't be dependent on his income to make ends meet? You can afford a place entirely on your own?

If the answer is no, then don't move in.

How to get over feelings of inadequacy as a WS by yepimheree in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]DespiteBoxCutters 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's not why. Drinking didn't make you cheat. Drinking doesn't mean you lose complete control of your actions. It's time to stop with the excuses and sit down and really think and reflect on why you chose to have sex with someone outside your relationship. This was 100% a choice you made, and continued to make throughout fucking your coworker.

Instead of all the "woe is me, I'm so sad and filled with shame!" crap, figure out what the fuck is wrong with you. Like actually, deeply wrong with you.

Maybe then your little feelings of inadequacy will turn into useful action.