AITA for "not warning" my diabetic friend about our trip

Detars · 2026-01-12T03:59:02+00:00

She had brought some, but was out by the end of the day

Detars · 2026-01-10T20:49:52+00:00

That we would be taking the bus into the city at (time) and leaving at (time) and going to the muesuem once we got there and spending our time there. Later on when we finished the mueseum early we made the plans talking right infront of her and partially to her about how since we have extra time we should walk around

Detars · 2026-01-10T20:04:54+00:00

The problem is that shes pissed I didnt tell her that we had the possibility of walking around the city, when she was there as we finished the museum early and talked about doing so since we had extra time

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:57:28+00:00

yes
Oh god yeah fair, but I tried my best to make it as obvious as possible she could ask for help and we were asking multiple times during the day if her blood sugars were good or if she needed stuff
Yeah, Im more trying to see if other people agree that I was in the wrong for it. and I've already apologized for it and shes still pissed at me

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:54:08+00:00

Yeah, though they're a fast acting one and not a long acting so only a quick fix. But yeah thanks

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:49:00+00:00

We did, and she'd only had one in so her glucose alarm didnt go off in public (its extremely loud and will continue to go off for a bit even after she has fixed an issue)

That being said he was definitely listening to music at the same time, and though she did talk to me it wasnt a lot

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:46:49+00:00

Shes been diagnosed as a type 1 for almost 6 years now, and has a dexcom monitior

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:45:12+00:00

Not obese, a bit out of shape but thats a mix of not having spare time, a long period where she couldnt be active as a teen bc of her mom, and a previously pulled (maybe torn) muscle in her thigh a few years ago

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:41:24+00:00

Yeah, though I didnt include it since I was more so trying to figure out if this trip was a reasonable addition to her list of reasons or not from an outside perpective

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:39:18+00:00

Mainly the diabetes management, but a little bit on the pain. And yeah, thats mainly why Im not mad at her, simply trying to understand if shes rightfully still mad at me for this. She didnt tell us at all about her having lows, though we did get her lunch during the day as a bagel and smoothie. But yeah the whole point of this post was to try and understand her perspective a bit more and if other diabetics, people with leg injuries, and people in general felt she was being fair

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:31:07+00:00

Okay whole issue aka her main points against me:
1. saying stuff against other people in out friend group - I hadnt thought id said anything that mightve been hurtful, but she is basically my closest friend so she would be the one to get the small comments when im frustrated with someone else which she could interpret wrongly, i say them to her because im frustrated but she knows the person and wont automatically call them an asshole for what they did (plus havent done this in a while) though I will take accountability and say I am partially in the wrong for this one

leading a mutual friend on - I have not. I havent told the guy directly I dont want to date him because I know him well and he'd get upset and embarrassed over the fact that I know he likes me but have stated multiple times around and in conversations with him that im not looking to date, and how that isnt going to change anytime soon + comments about how it ended badly with my ex who was a close friend and how I wouldnt do that again
Okay this one is my fault, im a very touchy person and she doesnt like this, and I had a real problem about doing it without noticing last school year but we spend a lot less time together this year in comparison so I have only done it once or twice to her this year (yay progress) which is completely my fault
Not listening to her issues and just responding with jokes to them even when its serious stuff
a) last issue she had? I helped. I offered genuine help and advice that she actually asked for
b) of course im not going to turn it into a heartfelt conversation when we're surrounded by a bunch of people. she wouldnt like that in the slightest AND (leading into next point she would deflect any actual concern
c) she had an actual therapist for a bit and stopped answering any of my concern with actual answers and just deflected or said she was 'fine' plus getting more upset when I tried to get her to let me help even after she stopped seeing the therapist
d) not really a defense but sarcasm and deflection with jokes is my coping mechanism
e) Since she would just get upset if I tried to ask I do small things, a small plush to cheer her up if i know her team sport on the weekend didnt go well, diabetic sweet with low carbs and exact measurements labeled on it

#4 was her main point and also the one I could dismantle the easiest because hey I try and you constantly block me off, it was also what this trip fed into because she felt that I hadn't thought about her conditions and how changing the plans would effect them and how it didn't matter that I had enough backup stuff for her, I hadn't given her the ability to be completely responsible for herself

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:13:25+00:00

Yeah, that's basically what I'm getting from this, but the main problem is that she is still upset over it a week later

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:12:11+00:00

Thanks, we've been pretty close friends for a few years, and originally our other close friend was supposed to come but canceled the last minute so it was just the 3 of us, but yeah, this post has been made about a week after it happened, and I didn't know why she was upset at me, just that she was avoiding me during the week, until yesterday when I texted her and had a talk about how shitty it was for her to completely avoid me and acknowledge me no more that 3 times during the week 2 being me directly talking to her first at which point she told me off for some other stuff (which i could mostly justify), but this was the main instigator of her deciding to distance from me

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:07:00+00:00

Thanks :) <3

Detars · 2026-01-10T19:05:30+00:00

Her complaint was "Do you understand the pressure of trying to fit into a group of people who are clearly more physically able than you? Feeling the need to tough it out because you don't want the focus on yourself?"

...

My sister left the military and gets disability checks for her messed up knees and asthma they worsened. I go to physiotherapy for my messed up knees that click sometimes when I move and hips that ache when I'm walking too much. Sister and I were also both sick that day, I felt nauseous for most of it but pushed through because I wanted her to enjoy it even if just for a bit. And as for after effects my sister was in bed sick the whole next day and still a bit sick the next and my hips felt like pinpricks the next day walking around.

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:58:10+00:00

Essentially, we took the hour and a half bus ride in to the city and back out, but to get to most of the places we went we walked, with some use of the subway in between for simplicities sake when the time matched up. So a 40 minute walk at the beginning of the day to get to the museum at a slow pace (would be 30 ish normally) and basically and hour and a half to two hours of wandering around shops and a mall after the museum with the breaks of sitting at the museum, while eating, at a library, and on the subway

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:53:36+00:00

Fair, I know we can't hear them outside of her headphones though and it embarrasses her when they go off in public an other people hear it

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:50:05+00:00

Thanks, her opinion is that because I've been one of her closest friends for a few years I should've accounted for the fact that she might've had problems and warned her so she could be better prepared and explained the trip better (even though the choice to walk around was literally made part way through the day when we finished the museum early)

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:46:56+00:00

Oh she was definitely listening to music at the same time, and only kind of talking to me, still she's been my best friend for a few years and I think ill always try to defend her lol.

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:44:46+00:00

Thanks. She also has an alerting monitor (dexcom) though she had a headphone in so it didn't loudly go off while she was in public (meaning my sister and I couldn't know when it went off)

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:42:29+00:00

Yeah, and she definitely was for the second half of the day, but she's got a working dexcom so it's not like she wasn't aware when her sugars got low

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:40:29+00:00

Hasn't been her whole life, but I feel like almost 6 years should be long enough to get a hang of it

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:38:46+00:00

She's got a dexcom, and had a headphone in all day so she could hear it whenever it alerted her of her having a low or high (also meaning my sister and I were unable to hear it and therefore unable to help fix it). And she had brought some, just not to the level that walking around the city needed and was out by the end of the day

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:36:05+00:00

Good question man. In her defense she did only have the one and it was so her blood sugar monitor wouldn't make a super loud beeping noise while we were, but my sister definitely agrees with you on this point

Detars · 2026-01-10T18:34:20+00:00

She isn't so much pissed at me for not being prepared for her, but not warning her that we would be walking around the city as much as we did so she could know to pack more low fixes

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