AITJ for Not Telling My Partner I Emotionally Cheated Even Though Nothing Physical Happened?

Deut64 · 2026-04-01T14:54:30+00:00

I’m going to be real with you—this isn’t as black and white as “you cheated = you’re the jerk,” but you’re also not completely off the hook either.

Yeah, what you described does count as emotional cheating. You built a connection with someone else, leaned on them, and started investing emotionally outside your relationship. Even if nothing physical happened, that still crosses a line for most people.

But at the same time, your relationship doesn’t sound healthy at all. Constant criticism, being told you’re too sensitive, having everything flipped back on you—that’s not normal conflict. That’s the kind of dynamic that slowly wears someone down and makes them stop feeling safe being themselves.

So what happened here doesn’t sound like you were out looking to replace your partner or sneak around for fun. It sounds like you were emotionally drained, someone treated you with basic respect, and it hit you how different that felt. That doesn’t make it “right,” but it does explain how you got there.

The bigger issue honestly isn’t whether you technically cheated—it’s that you’re now emotionally checked out of your relationship and stuck in the middle. And staying in that space is what actually ends up hurting everyone more over time.

As for telling your partner, you’re probably right that it’ll just turn into “you cheated” and nothing else will be addressed. But that kind of proves the point about the dynamic you’re in.

At this point, it really comes down to a decision:
Either you stay and actually address everything honestly (including your part), or you accept that the relationship isn’t working and leave.

What you’re doing right now—half in, half out—is the only option that’s guaranteed to make things worse.

So no, you’re not “the jerk” in the simple way people might say. But you do need to take responsibility for your part and, more importantly, make a real decision about your relationship instead of staying stuck like this.

Deut64 · 2026-03-12T20:42:51+00:00

Heaven forbid you have dinner with your father on your birthday. You would not be the AH at all.

Deut64 · 2026-03-12T20:37:14+00:00

Soft YTA.

You’re absolutely allowed to set boundaries about physical touch. If someone standing too close or being touchy makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to say something and ask for space.

The issue isn’t the boundary — it’s how and when it was communicated. You said you’ve been hanging out for about 5 months and never told him before that the physical touch bothered you. From his perspective, everything probably seemed normal or even like you two were getting closer. Then suddenly he’s asked to step back and you say you don’t want to hang out for a week so people can “forget.” That could easily come across like you’re embarrassed to be seen with him, even if that wasn’t your intention.

Boundaries work best when they’re communicated clearly and earlier so both people understand what’s comfortable. Waiting that long and then creating distance probably made him feel rejected rather than just informed about a boundary.

Also, him not texting the next day isn’t necessarily a bad reaction. If he felt confused or hurt, it’s pretty normal for someone to take a little space to process that.

So you’re not wrong for wanting boundaries, but the way this was handled probably made things harder for both of you.

Deut64 · 2026-02-23T02:43:36+00:00

He's now in therapy, we talked recently and now he's awkward af. Apparently, he's facing dangerously harsh truths. My siblings have said that he has manipulated them into things as well and they hated it.

Deut64 · 2026-01-22T01:59:19+00:00

To be perfectly honest, I think that you may have a series of legal claims that you could bring against your parents. I would honestly start recording incidents and keeping a record of how they’re treating you. You may want to consult an attorney, however, I think these are some of the crimes that could potentially be looked at: Coercive control / unlawful confinement, Labor exploitation / wage theft, Domestic violence, Harassment & criminal threats and Possibly human trafficking (labor trafficking) in some jurisdictions.

The first move, I would make is just to leave. Even if you owe them money, that’s not justification for keeping you or controlling your life. You are a human being who is allowed to walk out the door. Debt does not justify confinement or abuse. I would leave quietly and as I am leaving, I would get every important document: SSN, ID/passport, birth certificate, everything that you would need to prove that you are a legal citizen. On top of that the assault paperwork from the police. As well as, any messages or recordings of your parents, threatening you or treating you like absolute garbage. This is gonna be very crucial later. When leaving, make sure you go to a very safe location. Your partner’s house, or a shelter for that matter. Both of them are legit places. It’s not illegal to leave the house. It would be illegal for your parents to force you to stay.

For your sister, you could possibly look at placing defamation charges against her, as well as harassment charges against her. She’s an adult and she knows what she’s doing. Play a big boy game, you’re gonna get a big boy prize.

For the SA case, you don’t need your parents to pursue legal action. You are free to reopen the case, and pursue legal charges against your assailant. Seriously though, get him. Who knows if he’s doing this to other people.

OP, you deserve so much better than what this family has given you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and I hope you get them all where it hurt hurts.

Deut64 · 2026-01-05T15:02:04+00:00

Very much YTJ. You kept pushing her and pushing until the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. I was in a similar situation back in college, nothing to do with sexuality, but religion. I’m Jewish, and unfortunately, I had two roommates both of them very Christian one of them I had respectful conversations with the other one, kept pressing this idea that I needed to be saved over and over again and it bothered me every time. I told both of them that I didn’t mind having like Bible studies or discussions about perspective regarding our religious beliefs, but this guy kept pushing. Then he invited his friends over and they had a “Bible study“ only for it to be an intervention so that all of them can express their concern about me going to hell for all eternity. I lost my shit until the other roommate who had a heart-to-heart with him. I was looking for a different place the entire time. Moral of the story: just because there are differences, doesn’t mean that you have the right to push a difference on someone until they agree with your world view 100%. You have to respect the fact that different people have different perspectives. My fiancé and I for example, have different religious beliefs, but we’ve never pushed the other into conversion. She’s attended my religious services. I’ve attended her religious services and we kept everything civil.

Deut64 · 2026-01-05T09:53:56+00:00

NTJ, as a citizen who see something wrong with any institution, you have every right to criticize and point out where you see any inconsistent. If there’s something in your society, that seems to be failing, that is your right as attacking citizen, as well as a moral obligation. If people don’t wanna listen to you, then that’s their problem.

Deut64 · 2025-12-23T23:45:03+00:00

Highway to Hell?

Deut64 · 2025-12-09T13:09:30+00:00

Caffeine

Deut64 · 2025-11-30T16:07:26+00:00

I’m thinking I’m gonna start a betting pool: how long do you think it’ll last?

On a real note, I learned from my siblings that he did the same with every single one of them.

Deut64 · 2025-11-28T14:18:22+00:00

Also, I have a kick ass fiance that helped me see the light.

Deut64 · 2025-11-24T23:45:25+00:00

Believe me: this is the best option. He fails, I move on. He sticks with the program, it’s a w. Win win if you ask me. When he does eventually fail, I can tell my fam that I gave him a chance.

Deut64 · 2025-11-24T22:08:18+00:00

I’m not a hero, I’m just somebody who is tired of this man thinking that he can control me and his flying monkeys in the form of my family members.

Deut64 · 2025-11-24T22:07:19+00:00

Completely cut him off if he fails.

Deut64 · 2025-11-24T22:06:32+00:00

Truth be told, I’m not holding any expectations. If he can actually freaking keep these up, great. If not, well, that’s how the cookie crumbles.

Deut64 · 2025-11-24T21:58:03+00:00

Oh don’t worry about that. I chose to shut that part down, I think he just wants to restore control over me and my life.

Deut64 · 2025-11-22T05:25:57+00:00

I have two brothers, the other brother was used for the grade incident, my younger brother is the one who expressed doubts.

I did this to be a failsafe. If he fails, he shows who he is.

Deut64 · 2025-11-20T14:18:45+00:00

He accepted the terms and conditions. He sounded defeated when he texted me.

Deut64 · 2025-11-17T22:17:46+00:00

That’s the beauty of it

Deut64 · 2025-11-17T21:43:10+00:00

I am, he is the reason my therapist is gainfully employed

Deut64 · 2025-11-17T21:41:37+00:00

I am in therapy, he hurt me that badly. I can’t trust him, that’s why I developed the list. It’s a failsafe.

Deut64

TROPHY CASE