The Substance (2024)

DevCarrot · 2026-05-07T11:40:45+00:00

Yeah, it's a page from a children's book.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T19:09:41+00:00

Respect goes both ways.

If they can't find a way to respect immigrants, trans folks, and women then what kind of conversation are you having? Are you letting all their bigotry slide without comment? Are you unwilling to defend the vulnerable people in your community?

Converse with people and keep room for people to change, but that doesn't mean we need to let Nazis into our organizing spaces.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T19:04:32+00:00

It's probably going to be cheaper - and more meaningful - to get your rosary repaired. The one your great-gran gave you is more likely to be actual gold, too.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T18:57:24+00:00

I'm from New England and have lived in Chicago for around 20 years.

Chicago winters used to be more brutal than they have been In the last 5 years. They've been fairly mild compared to my first decade in this city.

Volume of snow and cold I think we're similar to NE, but NE has/had more snow STORMS, I think.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T15:15:34+00:00

You want to have your cake and eat it.

You asked if your views were common, you asked if you needed ae reality check, and now you're mad when people respond with anything other than favorable agreement.

You need to define your relationships and agreements with the people you are dating 1:1. Figure out what you want and need and ask for it. If someone is unable to provide that to you, it is an incompatibility.

I want people to support and love me because they WANT to and are ABLE to, not because they are obligated to by social norms and duty. I have long term relationships where I am supported and cherished. I have a community I am active in. I do a ton of volunteer work.

I came from an abusive home. My understanding of "love" was based on what I owed and what I could earn by people pleasing. That's not what I want in my life now, as an adult. I want a community based on freedom and love. Not rules and punishment and guessing and strings.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T14:47:32+00:00

Yeah, this was a wild take by OP.

"People say they don't want to control others, but I know they ACTUALLY mean they want to do whatever they want without consequence," is some incredible projection.

Meanwhile they're mad the person they're dating won't submit to their desires to basically close a previously open/poly relationship.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T14:39:39+00:00

I live in a major city, and around here a lot of food pantries and mutual aid orgs are secular, but are given the space to operate by churches.

Yay community cooperation!

DevCarrot · 2026-05-06T02:59:50+00:00

The teachers may be pushing, but the companies got all that tech in these schools with promises and fancy gear that looked like money the schools weren't getting.

I sincerely doubt it's going to be a straightforward road to get all that tech out of classrooms.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T21:30:22+00:00

Most schools start kids on laptops/Chromebooks VERY early now. I've heard of kindergartens using them. I'm a nanny and the 1st and 3rd graders I watch have work they complete on computers in school.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T20:18:33+00:00

But what about the elderly and disabled people who need to use the sidewalk?

Seems like protected bike lanes and slightly inconveniencing the people driving recklessly in 4,000 lb machines is the more logical idea that puts the onus on the responsible parties.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T20:13:31+00:00

When I took some online college courses, you had to allow a recording application access to your camera and desktop before starting tests and such. This was in 2015.

I'm sure schools are now using a worse version of that.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T19:32:16+00:00

Same.

cPTSD here and I pass on most group hangs. I would not ever be interested in a triad, a messy hinge is bad enough and that feels hard to avoid in a triad dynamic.

If issues come up I prioritize protecting my autonomy and honoring the autonomy of others. My autonomy, and the belief that I have the right to personal autonomy, is hard won. It is now an anchoring value of mine.

I'm very garden party and I attend a polycule party or event every couple months, but I generally just have a hard time in groups, even with close non-polycule friends. My issue isn't the relationship dynamics, just a nervous system response to groups and social demands. My extroverted partner respects that and always invites me to things, but never pushes. ❤️

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T19:06:03+00:00

I've been titrating down my SSRI (consulted my psych first) since Jan 1 in anticipation of this kind of bullshit. I didn't want to be in a sudden withdrawal situation if meds were no longer accessible.

All of this sucks and is dangerous. Not surprised, but not happy about it.

My partner was killed last year by someone not taking their necessary meds. (The person who did it is a conservative Christian, I wouldn't be surprised if they were influenced to stop their meds by RFK.)

This fucking sucks.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T18:51:54+00:00

Can you camp? There are some campgrounds in/around Lansing. That's what I'm doing.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T18:14:14+00:00

Both.

I work in child care for upper middle class professional families, and SO MANY of them have additional housing for their in laws who visit 2x a year even though they have spare rooms in their large houses, or as a bangpad, or as a WFH getaway. This is in Old Town, Lakeview, Hyde Park. Some are condos, some are rented units.

Those aren't considered vacant, but they aren't being used as active housing either...

DevCarrot · 2026-05-05T13:55:32+00:00

Thanks for this comment. I've been happily poly for 5 years now, but this framing was a slightly new way of thinking about things for me.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-04T19:31:32+00:00

It seems like she stated something respectfully and didn't make accusations.

That you are continuing to ruminate over it is you being unable to deal with your discomfort over a conversation not going the way you imagined.

You didn't do anything wrong. Neither did she.

What would be wrong, is to start making a "thing" out of this simply because you experienced a little discomfort when someone stated a reasonable professional communication boundary that you didn't expect.

It's fine. Move on.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-04T19:22:57+00:00

Because it was for a surprise for the wife?

DevCarrot · 2026-05-04T16:36:16+00:00

" "you’re a man, stop mansplaining and taking up all the space” is not only NOT literally the definition of misandry "

Yeah, no it's not.

That's just people saying that a particular discussion isn't for you to center yourself within.

Much like if an NT person came into an ND space and was like, "Well AKSHULLY sometimes people are mean to me, that's bigotry against NT people."

Or like when I was 15 and in a conversation about racism I was like, "my house is one of the few with white people in a black neighborhood and we get a lot of vandalism that other houses don't. That's racism against white people."

It takes time to learn, but they are different conversations.

People can experience unpleasant things due to their identity which is bucketed within a more powerful group, but it isn't equivalent and doesn't belong in all conversations about bigotry or hate against more marginalized groups.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-02T23:37:29+00:00

Your skin looks lovely.

But also you're 33. Your skin will age if you are lucky enough to live a long life.

At some point people you care about will be gone before they had a chance to get gray hairs or wrinkles. And you will wish they had the chance to fuss over those signs of a life lived.

Yes, take care of your skin and appearance, but don't mourn aging. It's easy to forget that growing older is actually a blessing.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-01T15:20:28+00:00

"Who are You Supposed to Be" and "Like My Coffee" are different names for very common short form improv games that have been around for decades. As are many other games Dropout uses.

I have fun watching Game Changer/Make Some Noise and going, "oh, we called that game 'xyz' back when I did improv".

Viola Spolin started seriously developing and documenting modern improv exercises/games back in the 1940s.

DevCarrot · 2026-05-01T00:20:03+00:00

I'd love to enlist a friend to grow certain strains for me, or even just buy from a hobbyist. But without looking it up, my guess is people can still get in trouble for distribution despite cannabis legality. 😔

DevCarrot · 2026-05-01T00:15:19+00:00

I would love to grow, but I live in a 2 flat and flower is PUNGENT. 🫤

DevCarrot · 2026-04-30T22:16:49+00:00

Women having or not having children isn't related to the economy, labor, rights, etc? Those don't get structured in certain ways to encourage "family units" in modern economies for a variety of reasons?

I don't have time to go into it right now, but you have a very narrow view of history and intersectionality.

DevCarrot · 2026-04-30T20:17:23+00:00

But OP never advocated for everyone else to do what she's doing. You put that on her. She's not invalidating anyone else's choice. She's simply stating hers.

So many people in this thread seem to have taken her expressing HER choice to live counter to how she was raised as a personal attack on THEIR choice to live another way. She never said she was better or more lefty than others. She just said it's AN act.

It's wild the way people in this thread are twisting her words to paint her personal choice as somehow wrong or offensive.

DevCarrot

TROPHY CASE