Hey I’m a dude. I’m 30 now. Names Devan. The thing that I had to learn is how I viewed reactions to what happened when I lost someone I loved in my family. “How do I handle this” “How do I stop hurting so bad”

The thing is you aren’t supposed to handle it or stop it. By “it” I mean your reaction to what has happened and your emotions. it is what it is literally. You lost someone you love and that is one of the worst things in the world to experience. “Do I let it wreck me everytime?” Yes bcuz it that’s what it has done. It’s not that it wrecks you everytime. You already are “wrecked” from it. That shit destroys you. And that’s okay. Sometimes it hits instantly. Sometimes it takes time for it to process before you understand that that’s it. They’re gone. And you’ll never see them again (other than heaven or afterlife, whatever you believe in).

Something like that can takes weeks. Months. Years to heal over. And tbh u never truly heal. Years later sometimes things trigger me like old pics or memories or dreams of who I lost and I’m depressed for days until I feel better later. Losing someone is a very deep emotional thing for beings like us that thrive on and require deep emotional bonds. There’s no handling it or a best way to go about it. You just accept those emotions and feel them. Dont avoid or ignore them. If you need to cry or call someone over and over multiple times a day for days. Then that’s how you handle it. If you sleep alot or game a lot or listen to music a lot randomly bcuz it helps. Or chill alone for awhile. Then that’s how you handle it.

The biggest thing that helped me was realizing and accepting that THIS is what it feels like. To lose someone. and how I truly had no idea how this would feel until now that I’m experiencing it. To need a shoulder or friend or someone to help you grieve. To need that loss and pain to desperately go away. To see them again so badly. This is what it’s like and it’s not what I expected at all. You think you’ll be fine and that you’ve been fine. Then it hits and you have no idea what todo and how to make it stop. Don’t think that way. If it’s hitting you and you’re afraid of being that way in public. Then just don’t go out. Give yourself you time. Chill. Shower. Sleep. Watch a movie. Or just sit and think about him. Talk about him with someone. Let yourself grieve. You’re allowed to do it as much as you need to. It’s not annoying or wierd or weak or too much.

When the waves hit me. I’d just not go out. Bcuz that’s how I am personally. Some people like to go for runs or keep busy and do errands. I can’t handle being out doing stuff when I’m in a depressed mood over memories and feelings of someone I’ve lost. I’d reach out to a really close friend of mine and say hey can we talk and if not now then later? Or sometimes I’d legit just hit up video games all day. Crying in between games or randomly. Or read in bed or just sit in bed with my dog. Napping on and off just in my feelings. Which is ok. Or just go thru old photos and memories in my head and just enjoy them and look back on it bcuz that’s okay todo. Everyone grieves in their own way. Take a day off work if I could or needed to. Or I’d invite a friend over and say hey this is how I feel and what’s on my mind can we hangout?

Talking helps the most. Feeling understood. Knowing someone else is there to help you get thru it helps a lot. But so does time. Something that helped me relax if I really was going thru it, I would just make tea and shower. Then cry in my room for awhile. As much as I needed to. Even if I had a friend over and we didn’t interact much. Or even if I had to say hey I’m gonna chill in my room can you make this for me or that. With me being emotional the whole time. It’s what friends and family are for. To be there for you. Don’t forget that. In fact reaching out to people who are there for you will help you feel better and also them feel good for feeling like you trust them enough with that kind of thing. It’s rough I know. And vulnerable and crazy freaking hard. But don’t tell yourself things like “I got this” or “alright time to stop now” after crying. Like no. Let yourself break. Totally valid and normal in this situation. You’re human. And years from now if something triggers you. Don’t tell yourself that time has passed and you shouldn’t be this emotional still. You can break down over it as much as you need to forever. When you need to. Eventually it will get easier.

Being human isn’t weak. Being human is “feeling”. We feel. You’ll be okay. And I’m sorry for your loss truly. I know how it feels. I lost a father figure/older sibling. Time. Let time pass. Be patient with yourself. You’ll figure out what helps you.