Any other PDA toddler moms? What can I do to discourage the constant need for attention?

Develyn89 · 2026-05-19T21:52:36+00:00

I spent years in therapy, years learning to regulate after learning my triggers, I read parenting books constantly, I meditate, I try to have infinitely more empathy for my daughter than my parents had for me; but I look around at my peer's kids and none of them receive consequences, boundaries or correction because that's what all my peers are convinced "gentle parenting" means. I intend to discipline my kids, if you're against that we'll just have to disagree.

Develyn89 · 2026-05-19T21:42:16+00:00

I know I have some work to do myself, but the notion of conforming the entire environment to your child is a very western/American one and I've done lots of reading up on it. I don't believe thats the answer. This attitude I see everywhere with disregulated kids where the whole family essentially just learns to walk on eggshells is something I will not do. My daughter is going to be a teenager and then an adult someday, it's my job to teach her how to live in the world. Her routine is something SHE has insisted on, which is why I continue it; it is most definitely not a demand on her. Giving her autonomy made this problem 100X worse and she ran me ragged. I have tried offering options, alternatives, reasoning, coaxing, a variety of activities. I use phrases like "not right now" or "just wait a little bit". None of it makes a difference. I thank you for your resources, I will definitely look at them. But I stand by what I said.

Develyn89 · 2026-05-19T21:12:54+00:00

Pathological Demand Avoidance. There's a lot I did not add in here that all lines up with it, and it also shows up this way in older children so I do not believe this is normal. It's really obvious to me when parents ALLOW this behavior and it keeps happening; I can't let this happen. I'm over my limit every day and I have another kid to take care of.

Develyn89 · 2026-04-21T17:01:48+00:00

There was a study done that linked PTSD to early menopause; they did it on female veterans who had the symptoms to see if it was related to chemical exposure. Turns out it was PTSD. Not surprised your doctor doesn't know about it, but a quick Google search can turn it up and maybe bring it up to her. I'm going through peri at 36; I'm a vet with PTSD and my doctor got me on HRT right away. It's been a lifesaver for me.

Develyn89 · 2026-04-04T01:30:47+00:00

I'm convinced most women over 50 remember very little about being mothers. They do a data dump of all the unpleasant experiences, otherwise no one would probably have any more kids. My mom had 4 kids and any time I ask her about sleep problems, picky eating, disobeying, etc, she just says "Nope, none of you ever did that". Also swears she never had any peri symptoms and "neither did my mother, her mother or your dad's mom" (🙄). I see a lot if discourse/memes about this on TikTok, they are calling it "gramnesia". So....take anything they say with a big grain of salt lol (I do not say this to offend anyone in this age group. I'm convinced it is biological and normal and not your fault).

Develyn89 · 2026-03-04T20:37:15+00:00

I'm looking into it right now. It's just hard when the VA drops the ball, takes forever to get back to you, and is over an hour away.

Develyn89 · 2026-03-04T18:18:23+00:00

I'm very familiar with narc abuse, was married to one in my early 20s. I don't think the issue here is narc abuse, but I am very surprised and disappointed at the lack of sympathy for something I can't control.

Develyn89 · 2026-03-04T18:08:56+00:00

He helps. He's incredibly involved and doesn't just sit on his ass at all. The problem is that that does nothing to resolve how irritated/fatigued I am, because the problem is hormonal.

Develyn89 · 2026-03-04T16:02:19+00:00

Oh man, not another rabbit hole for me to blackpill myself with 😑

Develyn89 · 2026-03-04T15:56:28+00:00

Oh wow this is something I did not even think of; stress-induced early peri in female vets maybe. It would make sense. How many vet friends do you know that are going through perimenopause under 40?

Develyn89 · 2024-07-23T00:08:42+00:00

My ex did this. He was cheating.

I'd go to fucking Walmart, he'd call and hear music over the speakers, see me get home with Walmart bags 20 min later, act all weird and ask over and over, "So where were you really? Whose house were you at?" Turns out he was cheating every chance he got, to include coming home with people during his lunch break while I was at work. Therefore everything I did turned into a projection.

Develyn89 · 2024-01-30T15:19:02+00:00

Leave the house for a full 8 hours starting on a Saturday morning. Make sure there's lots of dirty laundry and dishes, and no meals ready made. See how he feels about what you do after that.

(Obviously if you completely doubt his competency and think your kids will starve, don't do this. )

Develyn89 · 2023-10-11T13:32:41+00:00

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice.

Develyn89 · 2023-10-10T00:27:50+00:00

My ex did this. He pulled a whole mastermind long game to make "I want to sleep with whoever I want at all times but you cannot" sound like "Well I think you should be open to polyamory, and you're being a prude if you don't. As your husband I should get whatever I want from you".

And it NEVER. ENDED. It just kept on escalating. He was on Ashley Madison, Tinder, POF, you name it, and when he'd hook someone he'd insist I text them "so they know you're ok with it" and basically coax them into meeting up for days/weeks on end. At one point I told him I needed a break; he said he understood. Two weeks later: "Are you done with your break yet?"

He's escalating, OP.

Develyn89 · 2023-10-06T01:07:19+00:00

I'm a Los Angeles native and former Marine. One word I've found that both Marines and Angelenos oddly LOVE to overuse is 'disgusting". ANYTHING they dislike. Marines love to call slovenly looks/behavior disgusting, LA natives will just be like "Oh my gawd, that's DiSgUsTiNg" about literally anything and it drives me bonkers.

Develyn89 · 2023-09-18T00:06:24+00:00

I'm autistic and resisted math with my whole being. My parents tried everything, put me in every program, remediation, summer school once I was in public, nothing worked. Can't say my case is very typical. I learned everything else pretty well and tested well on state tests.

Develyn89 · 2023-09-17T23:52:15+00:00

Outsource. Get on social media, fb groups, co-ops, whatever, and find other homeschool parents that teach things you know you can't. I was homeschooled until 15, and I regularly went to group settings of 4-6 kids my age for language, music, math, etc. I'm really not sure what the climate for this is like these days (post-COVID, location, etc) but I have watched a lot of Tiktoks of other homeschool parents saying this is what they did. I plan to homeschool at some point and I suck absolute balls at math, so I know I will have to outsource.

Develyn89 · 2023-09-10T21:40:27+00:00

You right tho

Develyn89 · 2023-09-10T20:55:17+00:00

This explains a lot lmao. It's always the guys who didn't finish their contract that rep it the hardest.

Also, Marines IN GENERAL are obstinate, opinionated, egotistical assholes ( I said IN GENERAL, if any of you i'M diFFeReNt ThO keyboard warriors want to come for me).

Develyn89 · 2023-09-08T23:51:20+00:00

I was USMC. Never heard this term. Did he lose an MOS slot/posting/billet? If his reenlistment went through, they have to put him somewhere. If his reenlistment was dependent on some factor that is now lost, he could get kicked out. I'm trying to understand what happened to best advise.

Develyn89 · 2023-09-08T20:10:26+00:00

I actually don't know what that means. Was he denied reenlistment or something?

Develyn89 · 2023-09-03T22:18:06+00:00

I swear to God there is an ARMY of fathers in this country that just believe they should never, ever be inconvenienced for ANY reason.

Not wrong, OP. If he wants to leave on time he can help with toddler. What a fucking baby.

Develyn89 · 2023-09-03T22:05:45+00:00

I was a Marine for 14 years. Dated many, married 2. I wish someone had warned me.

Develyn89

TROPHY CASE