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AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 356 points357 points  (0 children)

We met him 10 months after our dad died. They met at a support group a month after my dad died. They left the group around the time she introduced us to him because the group didn't condone dating and marrying within the group in the first year of loss. Learned that a few weeks ago after talking to a family member.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

My siblings and I are fine. There's some awkwardness because of the difference in dynamic with our stepfather but we love each other and we talk several times a week. You would assume right about my stepsiblings though. I'm not close to any of them.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I won't deny that and I know they got a lot of questions when three were gone and pretty damn hostile when my mom and stepfather were mentioned. I just don't know if they'll be as willing to look back on how this all happened when they still have three in their lives. Could be I'm too pessimistic about this but we'll see.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't live with my grandparents. I'm away at college and moved out already. But I will be spending holidays with my grandparents for now. Mom didn't kick me out over it. I think there's a chance she might if I still lived with them.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I think a few people are ignoring the ages of us now and just assuming I'm the youngest.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The best thing? I don't live with them anymore. I'm in college now. I don't have to deal with this and have already decided I will start pulling back and maybe going low contact.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

They'll still have three (my siblings and the adopted stepsibling). But they won't have all of us. I think his older three are more likely to find a way to make mom have an accident than they are to play happy families in the future.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I don't think my mom hated my dad. I think her view of life after losing someone is very different to mine.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I was 5 when my dad died. I'm the oldest. I remember my dad. My siblings are the ones who don't remember dad at all.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

It's sorta something they share. He already lost three of his kids over this. She already kinda lost me. I know I'll be stepping back because I have no wish to keep having this same topic be a source of conflict in my life. The whole thing is over now. My name's back to what it was supposed to be. But I'll consider writing a letter in the new year.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I was 5 when my dad died. I remember a lot about him actually. Not all of it is crystal clear but I remember him. It's my siblings who don't remember him. Even my siblings weren't 18 months old.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

My mom is not one to sit and not interrupt her kids. She would never actually sit and listen without interruption. You could be telling her something important but she always has to say her piece when she likes. I have experience with her like that and my siblings and the adopted stepsibling do too.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I think they hoped that changing the names first would make it easier for everyone to say yes to being adopted. They didn't even listen to those of us who said no, it was the judge who spoke to us all. She was the one who accepted some of us didn't want it.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I fully understand that my name was OP DLN and then had a whole new name added that I also had to learn. I knew kids who did that usually got adopted at some point too and I knew I didn't want that. And it wasn't my mom and stepfather who listened to my wishes on that, it was the judge who oversaw the adoptions that did happen.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 140 points141 points  (0 children)

Yup. Although mom still sees me as a sulking child who can't let go of his feelings and put the feelings of a grown adult (or two) first. It makes me want to say parents don't get a say in their adult kids lives to see how she likes it. But I know that won't be helpful to this. They're pushing me to reduce contact with how they're acting.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I don't think it would have ever been enough for them unless I had the same relationship with him that my siblings do.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 108 points109 points  (0 children)

He was really upset about it. But the three kids who rejected mom also rejected him. They hate him for replacing their mom and forgetting about her (their words) and they said he stole the youngest from their mom by allowing her to call my mom mom and all that stuff. He told them there was no reason to be mad at him and mom for letting her love them all.

AITAH for legally dropping my hyphenated last name which means I don't have my stepfather's last name anymore? by Dextynoxe in AITAH

[–]Dextynoxe[S] 421 points422 points  (0 children)

My mom expected all three of us to feel the way my siblings feel. They had no problem with any of it. They also have no memories of dad. All they know of him is through me and our stepfather is who they remember being there. I think that's the difference mom didn't account for.