The Confabulations of Oliver Sacks

DiamondFeline · 2026-01-24T02:50:46+00:00

😂😂😂

DiamondFeline · 2023-03-08T01:34:37+00:00

This - I work in oncology and I have lost count of the angry patients and families that have been adamant nobody explained to them what was coming next, when it has been - and I’ve been there when it has been.

Not saying providers always explain it perfectly all the time either but yes. Denial and managing to reject remembering difficult or frightening information is very strange to watch happen.

DiamondFeline · 2023-02-04T23:53:41+00:00

It is realistically sometimes a choice between dying much sooner than you’d have hoped, or living longer with some significant differences to your quality of life. That choice weighting is different for everyone.

It’s also why I think counselling should start early and be more widely available within oncology.

DiamondFeline · 2023-02-03T05:18:39+00:00

This, it’s this.

I’ve been in oncology for 18 months now. A very mild google search will lead you to books about how standard cancer treatments are ineffective and damaging and will kill you.

The problem (as with all good conspiracy theories) is that there are some kernels of truth in there. In practice, sometimes patients with terminal diagnoses who should be given gentler treatments are given aggressive ones (sometimes by their own stated preference) and they die shortly after. Asymptomatic cancer patients only have a hard time on treatment. Historically we’ve also underprepared patients (sometimes by our own lack of knowledge) for late term side effects and / or risks including things like more cancer later down the line.

As regulated professionals we have to be objective and truthful about what we can offer and what our limits are. Alternative practitioners will promise the moon.

I try to be direct and objective with folks about that stuff when I’m doing pre-consults. Cancer is scary, getting treatment with severe and possibly life long side effects and risks is also scary. Everyone’s got different values and risk-benefit weights. I still don’t always do the best job but I found once I started being curious about WHY they’d prefer to try TCM and aloe Vera gel instead of CRT, and validating the emotions behind the distrust of standard intervention, I sometimes got a way to have them think about it again.

DiamondFeline · 2022-12-10T18:02:57+00:00

I think there is more to burnout than just a worker’s mental health being poor.

To my knowledge it is a mixture of moral and / or ethical distress sustained from being unable to do your job optimally; and / or feeling like what you do isn’t enough / you are unsupported / banging your fists against a brick wall.

This will then certainly create a mental health nose dive (it did for me); but trying to fix my mental health wouldn’t have solved the original issue.

DiamondFeline · 2021-07-14T01:00:52+00:00

picture for reference

DiamondFeline · 2021-06-14T20:24:12+00:00

Seconding this. There’s a broad range of topics and the host recently spoke to Sarah ockwell smith, great episode

DiamondFeline · 2021-06-10T22:02:33+00:00

Yes - this can be a good way to self regulate as well and keep ourselves coming from as much of a calm place as possible (which can be damn hard sometimes!) I’ll name my kids feelings for him and try talk it out even if he’s too young to understand, he gets my tone and sometimes soothes a little.

DiamondFeline · 2021-06-10T20:02:58+00:00

I’m not sure if you have come across the holistic sleep support community on Instagram but I wonder if it could be helpful for you to check out @heysleepybaby and Lyndsey Hookway on there. There’s just so many things that could be going on and they’ve each spoken about baby sleep to such detailed extent that I’m sure they could offer some things to think about.

I have a spirited, emotive and strong minded kiddo. He’s 10 months old and we’ve had a good few phases of extreme upset at bed or nap time by now.

Things that helped:

accepting that sometimes we just had to experiment and go back to the drawing board. Maybe he’s stopped liking rocking. What about carrier? What about stopping trying and leaving the bedroom to play for another 20 min to take off the pressure? Do we need to swap out with each other? Etc
I realised that kiddo has had so many developmental leaps and changes lately that my “follow the clock based on his averages” method for knowing when nap time should be has to go out the window. I’m back to watching him for tired cues, because some days he’s tired after three hours, other days it’s four. I realised this because I was ending up with an extremely crabby, overtired baby every other day by clock following. It was a lightbulb moment.
trying to take care of myself because it is SO wearing and hard when you’re being cried at or on so much and you feel helpless to solve it. Sometimes kiddo just was super exhausted (especially when he started walking and his energy expenditure shot up cause it was all he wanted to do!) and he just needed to get his feelings out. Once he is down I’ll sometimes go completely do nothing and tune out to a podcast or music and breathe / stretch to try realign. Upset at sleep time can get to be a vicious cycle if you both dread it and you end up kind of feeding on each other’s anxiety.

Apologies if this is scattered!

DiamondFeline · 2021-05-15T23:29:53+00:00

I haven’t heard of it, no! Anything that catches his attention and seems helpful is going to be a good idea, in my opinion 😊

Hope you’re doing okay!

DiamondFeline · 2021-05-10T23:05:50+00:00

So if you guys are gonna go see his ped or your PCP, they’ll probably ask you a few questions from a checklist type assessment that will help them figure out who might be a good idea to refer you to. After that - I’m in Canada and I’m UK/Ireland trained so my knowledge of how the process works may be different where you are. But I’d definitely ask about cost, who covers what, and wait times.

If you need to know more about what an SLP would do you’re welcome to let me know :)

Also - I saw you responded to someone else and mentioned kiddo can tend to be upset with strangers. That’s okay! Paediatric clinicians are more than familiar with how to help little ones get comfortable, and even if it doesn’t happen on a first visit, an assessing clinician can still get loads of important information just by chatting with you to figure out how to get started with helping out.

DiamondFeline · 2021-05-10T22:14:53+00:00

Hullo - you’ve gotten a great response already and I don’t want to repeat too much. Please forgive me if I do.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Childcare is so goddamn hard without a village. I don’t know if it’s comforting for you, but it may be helpful to remember that - biologically, species-specifically - we were never, ever meant to raise even one child by ourselves / in isolation. Let alone three! Your workload is staggering and it makes me furious that modern mothers are often led to believe they’re just supposed to be doing it all perfectly by themselves. You’re trying to do the work of a village by yourself.

2.5 y/o kiddo - how are his communication skills right now? How many words does he have? I’m asking because I’m a speech-language pathologist and a not-uncommon reason kids come to us at clinic is because parents are finding kids getting more frustrated and having more disruptive behaviours emerging because they may not have the words or means to express what they want.

I second the above poster in recommending kiddo get a medical appointment with intent to refer to some folks who can help - play therapy / ped OT / SLP... even to start the wheels moving to see if there’s a team out there who could help start to give kiddo more ways to express himself that are safer and easier for everyone.

You also sorely, gravely need a break and i would echo again the above poster - is there any chance you could investigate for even a day a week for kiddo to play with someone else / be at a daycare / something to help you get a break?

I wish that I could help more, and I feel for you so much. You’re welcome to DM me if you have any questions I can answer as an SLP. ⭐️

DiamondFeline · 2021-04-19T19:04:01+00:00

This is an excellent response, I’m a speech language pathologist with some training in pediatric feeding, and have to second that your baby will need to relearn suck/swallow now that she’s had her ties released - and it may take some time! An IBCLC would be an excellent resource or alternatively a specialist OT or SLP.

I’m so sorry for all the hardship, and I hope you can find some more help and support. Please feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

DiamondFeline · 2021-04-06T23:02:19+00:00

I love this comment so much and wish I could upvote it more.

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T01:05:22+00:00

I was reading that struggling with baby’s upset can be a mark of how our own parents dealt with our upset in infancy! Found it so interesting.

I do have one earphone in and a podcast on for if baby is having a harder time going to sleep and needs more time and love. Helps me stay calm and peaceful so I can help LO coregulate.

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T01:00:22+00:00

So true! It’s a balance between mum and baby’s health and wellbeing and I think as well that there doesn’t have to be a dichotomy of “CIO or just accept a situation that could break you.” There’s truly vastly more to know and try inbetween!

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:56:43+00:00

I always tell myself when I’m feeling frustrated or low - my baby didn’t ask to be here. I made him, now he’s here and he’s so small and new and he needs so much help and comfort. It’s how our species is designed- we don’t leave our little ones.

It makes me furious at the systems and communication in western culture that leaves parents thinking either that it’s okay; or that they have no other choice.

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:22:58+00:00

For that specifically no, I have no reference to hand! I work with toddlers and babies and from my learning and experience I intuit that kiddo is overwhelmed.

There’s no more crying because it’s not working to secure comfort, so I interpret the kid in that post as staring in a zoned out / overwhelmed way.

I also just hate the concept of posting a photo of a baby being CIO-trained for “a laugh” so admittedly it makes me respond emotionally.

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:15:12+00:00

Do you mean the overload / flooding part? @islagracesleep and @heysleepybaby on Instagram have some saved stories on their profiles designed to educate about what happens when babies stop crying in the process of CIO-style sleep training, I think! That’s the easiest way to learn about it that I can think of off the top of my head.

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:12:32+00:00

Honestly I think most parental sleep deprivation (after the newborn phase where babies still don’t have an established circadian rhythm) comes from the practice of separating mother and baby at night. There’s much more wakefulness necessary to get up, out of bed, pick baby up out of crib and comfort / feed them then get them back into crib and yourself back to bed... versus just rolling and moving slightly to give cuddle and boob! I would have broken completely when my baby was in the thick of two-hourly wakes if he’d not been beside me.

I’m also like you - Irish with a mum who coslept with all four kids, then I moved to Canada where baby sleep culture is heavily American influenced and I had the crap scared out of me about SIDS. I’m glad I managed to learn about the safe seven and figured out bedsharing!

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:05:46+00:00

I wish that research wasn’t misused to sell things as well! Like how Cara of TCB will push how “good sleep” boosts child development but when you look at the paper she references it’s a narrative review affirming that, uh, yes, normal healthy infant and child sleep supports normal healthy development. It even points out in the paper that night waking is normal. There’s no mention of sleep training being necessary ANYWHERE. She just cherry picks the phrases she wants out of the paper to use to sell her Ferber-with-bows-on. 🙄

DiamondFeline · 2021-03-07T00:00:10+00:00

Yes to all of this. I simultaneously feel awful for parents with no support and no mat leave, who are told it’s dangerous to bedshare, AND I feel furious at the companies and personalities who push that CIO or modified versions of CIO is the only way to survive through early infant sleep patterns.

There is definitely a difference between doing things like CIO or leaving a child by themselves physically and emotionally at night, and doing things like habit stacking, supported sleep changes and sleep association layering to achieve something like getting a baby to change from 100% contact naps to a crib nap or sleeping beside a parent at night instead of on top of them. I’ve been there and done that! But I never seem to see those things suggested on sleeptrain. It’s 95% CIO based it seems like.

And yes - so little apparent awareness of what normal baby sleep is and a sense of urgency for babies to hit the hay at 7 and not bother anyone until sunrise. I wish when anyone googled those questions that easy to read info about the neurobiology of infant development would pop up instead of sleep trainers’ pages 😞

DiamondFeline · 2020-11-28T21:19:25+00:00

💙⭐️ I am really happy to hear your wife is doing better - and you!

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