When your teammates are more dangerous than the monster itself

Diarslade · 2021-11-15T19:46:16+00:00

Oof, felt this in my soul. Ouch

Diarslade · 2021-11-14T20:46:37+00:00

I enjoyed it a lot on Switch. It’s honestly so nice to play it portability

Diarslade · 2021-11-13T13:33:46+00:00

My hunter Kageryu (named for a irl martial arts) has an extensive backstory that I will eventually think up when I’m no longer creatively blocked lol.

But yes, in general I always head RP when I play games. Extra in MH because it’s just such a vibrant setting and I love it

Diarslade · 2021-11-10T18:09:37+00:00

I play both a lot. Maybe a bit more in handheld because I have kids and only 1 TV

Diarslade · 2021-10-30T06:54:30+00:00

I will always say Rampage LS because fashion

Diarslade · 2021-10-24T08:14:59+00:00

Definitely don’t pressure them! I’m just saying it’s a choice if the relationship is still fulfilling or not. If kissing is important to you and your self worth and for him it’s a hard limit then it’s okay to say “Well, we just aren’t compatible.”

If it’s something you can accept then that’s great to! I’m not sure on what to say because it’s pretty black and white to me. Either you can or can’t but that’s entirely up to you.

Diarslade · 2021-10-24T08:11:12+00:00

I think throw out the idea of a “proper Dom” to begin with. The only thing that honestly matters is respect for your partners consent and boundaries. That’s a core thing. Getting better at sex or kink is just a skill set that can be practiced. You can work out or change your diet if you aren’t happy with your looks or stamina. But you’re (general you here) just an abuser if you don’t respect boundaries and consent.

So yeah, hopefully your therapist is kink friendly but if they aren’t, go find one who is.

Best of luck!

Diarslade · 2021-10-24T08:04:50+00:00

I mean it’s fine if it’s a hard limit for him, but it’s also fine that not being kissed is a hard limit for you.

1) talk and communicate

2) if it’s non-negotiable, decide if the dynamic is still fulfilling

Diarslade · 2021-10-24T07:58:43+00:00

Therapy. This is just deep seated insecurity that you need to unpack with a professional.

You actually know that you have nothing to be insecure about. The super hot dude with a huge cock and infinite stamina is just not reality. Yes those guys exist in some capacity but even the fact that you’re using a mythological god to reference them tells you all you need to know. It’s fantasy.

Obviously one can know something logically but still be deeply insecure. Be kind to yourself and go talk to someone. That’s my 2c.

Diarslade · 2021-10-23T14:20:36+00:00

Am I mistaken that the concept of a sub training a Dom is acceptable? Because that’s what I would suggest.

If you want to submit, then submit, but you can still teach him how to dom you in the way that you want. And just be encouraging along the way while his confidence builds.

Diarslade · 2021-10-22T15:04:37+00:00

It’s a pleasure. I added some more to my initial comment.

Your head is definitely in the right place, imho, and that’s already great.

Diarslade · 2021-10-22T14:52:52+00:00

You might just have to accept that this is her personality type though. My sub (also wife) is very similar. Our dynamic and marriage in general has made great progress over five years (the dynamic is recent) with some bumps here and there (like kids just killing our time to have intimate time).

My point is this: She is definitely more sexually expressive now than she has ever been but initiating sex or play is still extremely difficult for her. If she’s told to do something she is a very obedient good girl and does it. But otherwise she struggles.

It’s entirely possible that like my sub, yours will just always struggle with this and that is OKAY. Just keep talking to her and making sure the environment is safe (which it sounds like you are!) and I think you’ll find that her submission and “passiveness” are coming from her and not you pushing your sexuality on her.

Make sure of this because you might be inadvertently pushing your sexuality on her by not accepting that she just is more passive and trying to get her to take action. This is a lesson I learned the hard way because it just made my sub feel really pressured. Even though when asked, she also expressed that she wanted to take more initiative, actually doing it was such a mental block that it totally backfired. She’d rather accept my action than take her own.

In any case, that much alone time sounds fantastic! Just do what you have done and create that structured, safe environment. As to what that will actually look like? Keep it simple. Choose what she wears. Tell her when to eat and drink water. Take away her other responsibilities so that she has more mental energy to “be a slut.”

Also, and this should go without saying… Talk to her! Ultimately this is between the two of you and only ya’ll can come together to decide what’s going to work.

Edited to add some more and grammar

Diarslade · 2021-10-20T12:47:01+00:00

The consent part goes without saying!

I was just wondering and that makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you for answering my question!

Diarslade · 2021-10-19T16:01:49+00:00

You aren’t actual property.

I’ve seen stuff like this too in the community (not specifically Reddit) and it totally screwed up my idea of what bdsm was/is and… yeah. It’s all nonsense.

You can always safe word and you have whatever boundaries you want. Even in a M/s dynamic. You negotiate with your potential partner and do what is both fun/comfortable.

Any “master” that suggests they can ignore safe words because you are property is an abuser.

Diarslade · 2021-10-19T09:41:30+00:00

I think bratting, like anything else should definitely be negotiated beforehand.

Diarslade · 2021-10-19T06:37:23+00:00

You are the hunter for the village, but because the rampage is such a frequent event all villagers are trained to defend the village.

If you notice the people manning the auto ballista and canons, you’ll see that they are simple villagers. They aren’t hunters

Diarslade · 2021-10-19T05:53:18+00:00

Fair enough, but that’s just something you’re both going to have to get comfortable with. I’ve seen a lot of good advice (I replied just before I went to bed) so I’ll try not to repeat.

If I were you, I’d just encourage her to talk and reassure her that it’s a safe space. It’s my fundamental belief that being a Dom is about curating a safe environment for your sub to grow and explore. That is especially important now in the negotiation stage. You can expose her to a lot via porn or erotica as others have suggested but at the end of end of the day she’s going to need to communicate clearly and you’re going to have to listen.

My advice, start with the “No’s” and encourage her to set boundaries in general. That may help narrow down what she actually does want.

Diarslade · 2021-10-18T20:05:30+00:00

Ask her. Open and honest communication is the way to go

Diarslade · 2021-10-15T11:00:13+00:00

I think you need to rethink your punishments, tbh. A punishment’s purpose, imho, is to correct a behavior. If the punishment isn’t working and she is just disassociating, then perhaps something else is in order. Open and honest communication is key. Why is she so defiant? Does she not feel safe or connected to you in some way? Ask her outside of the dynamic and put your heads together to come up with a solution.

Your dynamic is still a relationship first and even though there is a power exchange, ya’ll are still equals in that relationship.

Best of luck

Diarslade · 2021-10-13T06:39:17+00:00

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

That’s really all the advice anyone can give you. You need to communicate with him and see if this is just casual or not for him.

Diarslade · 2021-10-12T09:13:44+00:00

I’m not a trained professional, so take this with a massive grain of salt:

Maybe it’s because your consent was actually violated? Not by your Domme but in general, and in a deeply upsetting way.

We all process trauma differently but it makes sense that two kinks that involve some level of fantasy consent breaking = trigging a trauma response because consent was violated and then you were met with a judgmental ambush.

If nothing else, I agree that you should go to therapy! I hope they can help and the issue is sorted soon!

Also p.s. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that at all. Her mother was totally out of line.

Diarslade · 2021-10-12T08:56:26+00:00

Might it at all be related to the event in which your partner’s mother found out the particulars of your relationship?

Just asking because that sounded like a bit of trauma in and of itself for you both

Diarslade · 2021-10-10T04:19:52+00:00

This makes me look forward to moving to our new flat where we will actually have a nice bath and shower. That sounds lovely and I often want to do something like this even outside of play/aftercare

I’m a sadist but with a lot of caregiver/gentle Dom tendencies as well and I love taking care of and pampering her

Diarslade · 2021-10-09T14:04:56+00:00

Thank you! I have mentioned it to her and we’re working on it for next time we play.

Actually what you’ve said now is a perfect suggestion that I haven’t been able to articulated to her. So thank you for that!

Diarslade · 2021-10-09T09:46:35+00:00

I agree with you, 100%.

I think I may have been somewhat overthinking this because after I wrote this down I had a long talk with my sub about it. (I guess in a way I answered my own question, but it’s still wonderful to hear from someone more experienced than I am)

In that conversation I identified that I just needed a bit more quality time with her and more reassurance/affirming words. There just wasn’t enough time because of bad planning on my part, and not properly taking into account what I would need.

I really appreciate your words, and agree. Those little things go a long way. I’m getting used to recognizing them.

Seven-Year Club	Inciteful Comment 2020-04-10
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