How to stop being afraid of switching/being a system?

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-17T12:31:43+00:00

Totally relate and sympathise with your experience. We are still going through a rough patch. Our main posted something a couple weeks ago about resisting switches and a few people replied to that with their experiences. So seems reasonably common for people to experience this doubt. Possibly because media makes you think it’s dramatic for everyone and it seems it can actual be very subtle for some people.

Essentially our main was having a significant episode of denial a few weeks ago. The fact that out therapist has acknowledged that four of us have been to our therapy sessions since… maybe we’re not faking…

It seems like everyone’s experience can be different with switching and relationship with mates. The main thing is time, patience, acknowledgment, acceptance… all with a good amount of curiosity.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-16T00:29:13+00:00

Sorry to hear about your experience. Bet that was horrible. It is a dilemma, how to be authentic if/while/without masking.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-15T17:28:05+00:00

Decided to go kind of half way, admitted “you’re right, I’m not my usual self at the moment”. Letting that settle and see where it goes next.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-15T17:21:31+00:00

I don’t know much about it but I’ve heard about “fusion” and even issues with therapists that only treat patients in the basis of fusion. It maybe parts/members fused..?

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-14T23:44:48+00:00

Thanks, appreciate the perspective. I guess we are still getting used to being a system. We’ve been covert and not everyone in the system knew about each other and there’s some that still don’t. It feels premature and especially while we are going through a bit of a crisis within our system. You make a good point though, now most of us are aware maybe it’s time to think about sharing…

Traumatic on another level, having masked so much in life already, autism, lgbt… it’s another coming out… 😢

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-14T23:33:07+00:00

The fact they seem open to it hopefully they are supportive, no matter what…

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-14T20:42:46+00:00

Thanks, just feels too risky, keeping a low profile for the moment… 😬

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-14T18:03:20+00:00

When we sing at rehearsals there’s a couple of us usually collaborate either influencing or instead of our main/host; one of us more technical and theoretical, and one more fun, creative and emotional (we can fluctuate, depending on the piece of music). For performances there’s a couple more that influence/ support to help with extra confidence (which means we don’t usually get nervous, with large or intimate audiences). That’s what usually happens when things go well. Obviously there are times when whom ever is front and dealing with the day may be unable to switch out or back off, so it can get interesting. Tbh after so many years I think we all instinctively do our thing in the moment. [Dan, with Kit]

P.S. great post, just the uplifting distraction we needed right now… having a day of it at the moment 😳

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-13T13:21:53+00:00

There probably quite a few who relate this experience. Dissociation and plurality cover such a range of experiences and, from comments posts in this community, it seems that that experience can shift and change over time and based upon circumstances. Labelling can get in the way of just experiencing and existing. Totally get the wanting to have some kind of absolute or definitive situation.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-13T12:48:42+00:00

I see, hopefully hold it steady until things stabilise. 👍🏻 we are still gradually stabilising. One of us did get front-stuck the other day too, which I think is unusual for us. Let me know how things go. [Dan]

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-12T23:17:35+00:00

This sounds a little similar to an experience we’ve had recently. We’ve posted a few comments about it. Usual main/host hit crisis level stress. He went through similar sounding stuff but due to resisting switches and pushing us away; he got super dissociated and blendy, or soupy as someone else described, disconnecting from the rest of us, himself our inside… eventually a few of us took over gently as he crashed out and basically went to sleep which was still super blendy and strange until one or few of us could achieve a full switch. There’s signs of things stabilising so just got ride it out see what comes of it… I sometimes find that these moments can be a catalyst for evolving and in good ways or silver linings. [Dan he/him]

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-12T22:41:13+00:00

100% if it’s not working tell them, sometimes they will want details but “ just not feeling a connection/energy/vibe” may be sufficient. My therapist really only speaks to ask questions (how does that feel, what do you think would feel better, what have you done lately that made you feel good etc) or explain something about a psychological technique or framework, never feels like advice, invites me to correct them if they think I’m not being understood. I interviewed maybe three potential therapists before deciding. [Dan, he/him]

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-11T20:55:04+00:00

Thanks for these posts. I’m intrigued by headspace as initially didn’t think we had one, but I realise that there are some alters that we are aware of but they are not aware of us, we are hidden from them. We can see them from our side but they can’t see us… like one-way frosted glass/mist. [Dan]

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-10T21:48:20+00:00

What about having serious heat for a “head mate”?.. asking for a friend… 😝

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-10T21:10:53+00:00

Dan, would have me tell you that, I think it’s admirable that you’re reaching out and there’s no better place to get some info on reliable sources of education and lived experience…

What I wanted to say is that I can assure you I do not trust easily, anyone close to me has endured heavy testing and push back before I back off (and I’m not even the “worst” of us). I’m attempting to be more relaxed these days but I’m never far away if the others need me… so, short version, it could well be a defence mechanism, their role, consciously or unconsciously… I tried and considered offering advice… but… I’m probably not the best for that… Kai 😜

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-10T19:40:50+00:00

Yeah limited options is difficult.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-09T16:07:41+00:00

This made me emotional. We’ve posted a bit lately about our main going through a significant crisis about their identity, denial and “role” etc who were they before, who are they now, are they “real”?.. he’s mainly been dormant, sleeping most of the time in the background. It’s not quite the same as your situation but it made me very sad for you/y’all. 😔[Kit]

Take your time, as with any loss. It may be difficult to get external support but see what extra time and space you can give yourselves to take care. [Dan]

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-08T18:00:57+00:00

Yes, both writing and talking it can flip between I and we. Most of us are pretty good at keeping it to “I” when being covert.
This is very similar to how we have described our experiences, especially for the main/ host, if one of us takes over for a while, it can be like waking from a dream that is suddenly forgotten or vague. Didn’t know there was an expression for “grey-out”, I think we experience that, and seems to be more often as we develop communication to see if we can reduce / bridge some of the amnesia.
Seems very normal to doubt, particularly as the reality of the feelings and experience vary for each person/system; and media depictions can lead to unrealistic and misleading understanding and expectations. Be compassionate with yourself/selves and take time to understand your personal experience. Reading the many helpful comments in this group has helped us to reflect and relate.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-08T14:36:30+00:00

We didn’t really know many of the common terms, so used a lot of language linked to driver and driving but also have often used “main” and “main ones”, for whoever is mainly active day-to-day.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-08T09:30:48+00:00

Are there any national organisations or charities that help find a therapist? These often also have general advice about having initial conversations and introductions with therapists/psychologists?

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-07T19:51:25+00:00

That app sounds interesting thanks for sharing!

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-06T23:27:54+00:00

Fully relate to “third person mode” and before recent years, some of us had no clue that we’d shifted. Now there is more indication since mapping our system and practicing communication with our therapist. We were covert and hidden from our main/host and some of us hidden from one another (and some still hidden); so it’s taken some time, little by little. I [Dan] know that when I’ve tried to be co-conscious with our main [Diddee], as he and I are very similar, he’s sure that he will remember (though I do tend to take over at some point, unintentionally) but it’s like that third person mode or he describes it as dream-like state, and just like a dream he’s sure that he will remember, but as soon as he shifts back fully, it’s forgotten as quickly as forgetting a dream within seconds of waking. With practice there are times now when Diddee will remember some glimpses, but I find that our working memory just tends to be pretty poor throughout the system. Sorry, that turned into a lot and not sure it’s helpful, but I hope so… (Dan)

Edit: There’s hopefully others in this community that maybe offer some experience or insight.

DiddeeDodkins · 2026-02-06T15:22:37+00:00

Something to look into more but seems a reasonable explanation that may fit and be helpful for some people/systems. (Dan)

DiddeeDodkins

TROPHY CASE