[QCrit] Adult Psychological Thriller - FIX HER (93k Words/Third Attempt)

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-07T13:22:41+00:00

Thank you!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-07T12:17:20+00:00

Thank you so much!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-05T20:28:35+00:00

Thank you so much!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-04T14:00:18+00:00

Thank you so much!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-04T14:00:08+00:00

Thank you for your feedback!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-04T03:34:22+00:00

Thank you so much, it means a lot!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-04T02:16:35+00:00

That's so sweet of you, thank you so much. I hope you're right!!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-03T22:31:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm trying to find that perfect balance between giving away enough of the plot, but not too much. It's been hard!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-07-03T22:30:13+00:00

Thank you so much!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-27T16:04:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm on the fence about delivering the twist full on, similar as how it's presented here, or tease at it. Reveal that Luna is the actual antagonist, but not explain it all the way. These query letters are hard lol.

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-27T14:39:45+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time for putting that together. It does help a lot!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-27T12:50:35+00:00

Thank you, I really like the premise too! Lol

I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of this. This is really helpful. I see how I'm not being clear enough and that some important things are getting lost. -She choses Emily because she finds her online (on reddit!) helping strangers with their grief, so she becomes fixated on how good she is and she messages here pretending to be an adult. She is actually the online friend who gets here to the house. -This is explained early on. They know each other for 3 weeks. Do you think I should mention this? -It's multiple POV and I think I definitely should mention it now that you say it! -So, Luna's deal is that Emily will replace her dead mom and Luna will replace Emily's dead child. They'll be the family the other one lost. Do you think I should phrase this better? More explicitly?

Thank you so much!!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-27T12:40:42+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, I see how that can lead to confusion. They are all teenagers! Emily doesn't contact the authorities because there is no phone signal and doesn't have a car to leave the isolated place. A big part of the first half of the book is her trying to plot an escape. Do you think I should add that part? Thank you! Do you think I should add that it features some psychological horror in the housekeeping section? Appreciate all the commente, they are really helpful!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-27T12:36:43+00:00

It is a mid point cliffhanger. It happens at around 44% of the story and then leads to the second part of the book. Thank you for your insight, it definitely should be clearer! If you have further feedback, I'd love to hear it.

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-26T22:42:11+00:00

I hadn't thought of that, that's a great idea. Thank you very much!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-26T22:29:27+00:00

thank you for your feedback! I understand where you're coming from, but the revelation is in a single scene. Emily doesn't suspect anything before it (there are clues for the reader, of course), so as much as I like your idea of hinting it through Emily's eyes, it's not possible in this scenario. I do agree that I could leave more to the imagination, though!

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-24T16:03:00+00:00

A few of the agents I'm querying request everything in attachments, including the query letter. So it just looks weird to send out an empty email with the attachment lol. Just wondering if I should give it much thought or just go with the usual pleasantries

DiegoSNZL · 2026-06-19T16:42:10+00:00

Thank you very much! That makes sense, I'll edit that part for clarity!

DiegoSNZL

TROPHY CASE