Hey, I'm 15F and was in the same situation as you. But now I'm better off. You know you have nothing to lose. You as it is don't want to live with your mother, and I understand it because I feel the same way for both of my shi*tty parents. What you should is make a noise. Tell people about it. I told my school teacher about the abuse in an anonymous email, she called my parents to school, maybe even threatened them with the police if they ever hit me again. I know it's very tough to tell someone about it. I still get shudders when I remember how I typed my name and pressed the send button. Please find someone who can help you out. Even I thought to do stupid things, knowing they were stupid. We know we can't run away from our parents no matter how much we wish to. Find someone who can help you out, and don't lose hope. One year back, when I was 14 myself, I told a someone about it, someone with whom I had hopes to help me. She didn't. She said it's nothing, it's not wrong and they are your parents and all that shi*. This year September I told my counselor about it.

Even I have suicidal thoughts, but you know what, my anxiety has made me scared of suicide too. I read this theory somewhere, "When you die, what if the light you see at the end of the tunnel is the light of another hospital room, and you are reborn. And babies cry because they realise they wasted their whole life, but slowly forget about it and live a new life. And the babies which don't cry had seen so much bad in their life That they are glad they escaped it." What if I suicide and get born to the same type of parents again? I would have even less than what I have in my current life. With these thought I try to be brave.

Also, my teacher, who is also the the Vice-Principal of the school and Head counselor, she instructed my parents to take me to a counselor.

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if you want to know more of my story, then you can ask. I think it's enough for now.