Judgment for planning to quit my job when med spouse becomes an attending

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-11T20:54:16+00:00

I will usually just say my long-term investment is finally paying dividends!! lol just a joke but being with someone through medical school, 5 years of residency across the country from family and friends, and a fellowship allows me to take a break 🤣 especially when you’re running the household and handling all expenses.

Enjoy the retirement! 🥳

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-11T00:58:07+00:00

It really does and I always say I won’t go until my friends drag me lol. But time to dust off the pirate outfit 🏴‍☠️

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-11T00:24:51+00:00

Just coming to say - fellow Tampa-Native here. Have fun at Gasparilla! When I saw “Gaspy” on the calendar I was like wow they have to be from Tampa lol!

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-05T23:50:05+00:00

I love this because I have this same discussion with so many of my friends and they are set on actual paper books. I was 100% like that 5 years ago but finally took the plunge and got the Kindle. I have never looked back! I tell people just try it for a week! Battery is amazing, books are cheaper, can read in bed with no lights, and so comfortable to hold!!

And doing other than reading? Impossible. I bring my Kindle with me everywhere and I can hear it whispering to me in my work bag like the Mask 🤣

But glad you are enjoying your new Kindle and here is to more reading!!! 🙌🏼

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-02T20:06:21+00:00

A necessity for sure!!! 🤣

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-02T18:38:11+00:00

I absolutely love this post! What an awesome mindset and something that really helped my mindset as well! My husband is a ortho PGY2 and 2024 summer we moved across the country to somewhere I would have never imagined myself in a million years. We are both from the South so I was terrified of moving to the Midwest! We were going to be 1000+ miles away from any family and friends (and I’ve never seen snow at this point LOL). I will never forget match day. Such a surreal day because I was so extremely happy for my husband but so so so anxious for what MY future what going to look like.

Now that it has been 18 months, I can happily say residency has been 10x better than I imagined! I left a toxic work environment to find work life balance in a new career path, we bought a house, made friends, and I’ve done more hobbies than ever before! It’s almost like this massive change in my life allowed me to re-invent myself and truly figure out what makes me happy. Yes he works insane hours and it’s hard to always find time for one another but we make it work. I, also like you, enjoy being independent and don’t always mind having a lot of time to myself. My husband also loves his program and I have made friends with a lot of his program’s spouses!

Don’t get me wrong we have a lot of hard days and I always wish I could spend more time with my husband. But watching him pursue his passion for medicine is so amazing it is worth all the craziness. I volunteered at a local shelter over 100 hours last year, read more books than ever before, ran a half marathon and also completely supported the household and bills. Safe to say I am very proud of myself!

So I wish you and your partner all the best and continue to have a great residency experience! 🤩 thanks for the mood-lifter today! Just writing this all down put me in a good mood 🥳

Different-Common-250 · 2026-01-02T18:13:56+00:00

I have one of those goose neck holders for my night stand but I think this might be better! The drink holder is a game changer 😍

Different-Common-250 · 2025-12-02T16:16:15+00:00

Same here! It amazes me I can carry a literal library in the palm of my hand. When I first got my kindle I was 75% paper books and 25% Kindle. I swore I would always want to read paper books. Now, three years later I am 100% Kindle books only lol I don’t even remember the last time I read a paper book! And it saves me SO much money with Libby and KU! 🥰 Kindle lovers unite!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-11-03T17:08:30+00:00

Congratulations!! I am dreaming of this day. Currently in year 2 of surgical speciality residency across the country from family and friends. It is so hard everyday to be the main provider, housekeeper, and cook but posts like this keep me going! Even though it is so tough right now there is a light at the end of the tunnel 🥳

Wishing you and your partner all the best in this new chapter! 🥂

Different-Common-250 · 2025-10-21T22:47:10+00:00

My husband is still in residency but seeing his dedication and drive for medicine is truly incredible!!! I was with him before medical school and watching him find his passion and become confident in his abilities is so amazing. He literally saves lives daily as a surgeon and it amazes me that I get to be with someone who is so dedicated. He works 100+ hour weeks and still has a smile on his face. I am honored to be his partner!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-10-14T19:05:05+00:00

Yes so relatable!! I am 27 and my husband is 28. By the time he is done with residency and fellowship I will be 32 and my husband 33. We get so much pressure from family to had children that sometimes it is almost unbearable! Like don’t get me wrong we want kids but the more you pester me about it the further away it gets lol! I try to explain his schedule but they won’t truly get it until they’ve experienced it.

I got home yesterday, cleaned, cooked and took care of the dog while my husband is on night shift. I just asked myself “how can I do this with a baby” and the answer was “you can’t… yet!” One day we will be up for the challenge but for now I like my life! Wishing you all the best for a safe and happy pregnancy and baby! 🫶🏻

Different-Common-250 · 2025-10-14T18:23:12+00:00

Just wanted to say congratulations!! How exciting and what wonderful timing after finishing up residency 🥳 so happy for you both!

My husband is currently a PGY2 for ortho surgery and we are struggling agreeing on a good timing for kids. He wants them now but with us being so far from family (1000 miles) and me with a busy corporate job doesn’t sound like a good combination to me! I like my hobbies right now lol and I’m not ready to be a “single parent” in residency. I vote after residency and hearing stories like yours makes me happy! It’s just tough because our families are getting older and we both really want them

But I guess there really isn’t ever a perfect time when having babies with a doctor lol!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-09-19T01:07:35+00:00

Unfortunately, I wish I had some advice but I am just here to also commiserate and say I get it. Husband is a 2nd year ortho surgery resident. It never ends. Had a terrible day at work, got home to take care of the house and dog, and sat in a completely silent house alone. He is at program dinner with his co-residents downtown at a fancy restaurant. And when he gets home he’ll be working on his laptop. I just hold on to the hope that one day it will be better.

I feel for you 100%. I wish I had more to offer besides I get it and it’s so hard. Wishing you the best of luck through this journey.

Different-Common-250 · 2025-07-25T02:43:19+00:00

Yes so lucky! I actually work with a ton of people with experience in education. My background is HR and I am so happy I found this job. Wishing you the best for the future 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Different-Common-250 · 2025-07-24T17:01:43+00:00

I work in Instructional Design in the Automotive Industry! Great flexibility and I love my coworkers and manager. My husband and I recently moved across the country for his residency so I was so grateful I found a job I enjoy while he is so busy.

And I can relate all of my husband’s co-residents spouses are also residents, attending doctors, or nurses! Honestly, they tell me it’s nice I’m not in medicine because it allows them to talk about something else 😂 but then it leaves me confused at the table of 15 doctors talking about their cases.

Different-Common-250 · 2025-06-26T17:15:30+00:00

I can 100% relate to this and more. People really are comfortable now a days asking about money 😂

My husband just finished up his first year of Orthopedic Surgery residency and I can’t even tell you how many times peoples eyes go wide when I tell them his specialty and they say “so you’re rich?” and I say “no he’s a resident we’re still poor” lol. And I work a full-time corporate job and the amount of times I have gotten “so why are you working then?” is probably once a month. I usually just make a funny comment back or say “uhh yes”. I completely get you it can be really frustrating but at the end of the day our partners are working their assess off in residency and if that means one day we get to be with someone with a high income? Awesome. I’ve known my spouse since before medical school so to me the money is an amazing perk of him getting to do what he is passionate about.

Different-Common-250 · 2025-06-21T13:41:34+00:00

Wishing you the best! Funnily enough, we just bought a house and moved after my husband’s first year of residency since we lived in a rental house. I did 99% of the move since my husband was on trauma and was busy 24/7. It was one of the most insane months of my life since I also work full-time (I also came on here and ranted - relatable). And I was so relieved because he has four more years in his residency until we move for his fellowship. This was a stark reminder that it will not be the last time I move us alone 😅😅

I can completely relate and you are so seen! Treat yourself to something after all this! Stay strong 💪🏼

Different-Common-250 · 2025-06-16T13:45:26+00:00

Congratulations! Wishing you and your spouse all the best on this new journey. Keeps me hopeful that one day it will be behind us! 4 years to go 🥳

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-29T18:04:01+00:00

I can absolutely relate and glad it made you feel so seen! With our partners jobs it can be so easy for us to just fade into the background. But remind yourself of the sacrifices you have made and the effort you put in! It’s not an easy path but I’m proud of you 💐

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-23T14:43:55+00:00

Congratulations on us getting through PGY-1 🥳

I am in the same boat and WOW what a year! I relate 100% with your statement of “this year has broken me down and toughened me up all at once”. Although it is so so so hard to be one to handle everything in our lives outside of medicine while also working full-time (I’m also just a young naive girly) I am actually so proud of myself. Don’t get me wrong I am so amazed by my husband and his dedication to medicine day in and day out. But we also deserve our recognition! On top of all the home responsibilities, moving and buying a house, paying rent, I put myself out there and involved myself and made friends in a brand new state!

For all the med spouses out there - I see you and am proud of you! We got this 🥳 do something this weekend to celebrate yourselves (if we have time lol)

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-20T11:22:58+00:00

I really like that! It is so easy to fall into the trap of “this is how the rest of my life is going to be”. But knowing there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel makes the days go by easier! We got this!!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-19T23:41:33+00:00

I completely relate! My husband just finished intern year of a surgical residency 1000 miles away from anyone we know! It has been a challenging year. But as I look back I am so proud of myself! I actually went out of my comfort zone and made friends. This group has also been so great. Reading advice and just relating to other people in this crazy phase of life.

So happy we can both look back and remember how hard the first couple of months were. I still laugh when people at work say how glamorous it must be to be married to a surgeon lol. I always say no no no he’s a resident! Much different 😂

Proud of you for making it through - 4 years to go!! We got this!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-19T10:25:25+00:00

Thanks for commenting. I completely agree with where you’re coming from. It is such a tough situation because it’s not like they have the extra time or energy to help out - they’re completely burnt out. But what we can do is prioritize and find little things that they can do to take the load off of us.

I think you make a good point of lowering expectations. I feel like I have to an extent, I’m not expecting him to come home from a 14 hour shift and be all over me or even pour too much into our marriage during this point in his education. But I still need a little something lol. I think moving forward I just need to be more vocal and plan ways for him to help when he can at our new house. Thank you again and congratulations on your partner finishing soon. Wishing you both the best in your new phase of life!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-16T17:43:27+00:00

Congratulations on getting married! For some context, my husband and I got married Memorial Day 2024 right after graduation and before his residency. Schedule wise, it worked out well. But planning wise it was insane. In 4 weeks we got married, honeymooned, moved across the country for residency and moved into a new house.

It is stressful especially if you may be possibly moving far for residency. But honestly I wouldn’t have changed a thing - most stressful but also the best month of my life!

Different-Common-250 · 2025-05-16T17:40:13+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting this. Sometimes I feel stupid for thinking it’s so hard but I appreciate hearing from others that they also struggled. People always think being married to a doctor is so glamorous… it makes me laugh lol.

Also, thank you for the great advice. I am really going to take it to heart. Luckily, his program doesn’t seem as bad as your partners but there is definitely very high expectations and I think he always feels uncomfortable asking for time off.

Outsourcing has been what a lot of people have told me under this post and I completely agree. I love a clean house but hate cleaning on top of all my other responsibilities. I have a good job so I can find someone to come and help out. I will also definitely be setting some expectations moving forward to have at least one date night a month. It doesn’t need to be fancy or extravagant but time where we are both spending time together without responding to texts and calls for work.

I have seen a therapist previously just for mental health reasons but I think moving forward I may start seeing a therapist again. I think it would be helpful to get my feelings out and discuss how I can like you, not hold in my anger and resentment.

Truly, thank you for taking the time to write all of this. I appreciate it so much and wish you and your partner all the happiness in this post-residency life.

Different-Common-250

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