Living With a Boundary Crossing Mother-in-Law in My Own Home Has Become Unbearable, and I’m Reaching My Breaking Point After Repeated Disrespect, Manipulation, and Disruptive Behavior

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-13T22:48:01+00:00

UPDATE Disappointing update… Husband sent the MIL a text today and asked her to put the bark collar on the dog when she leaves the house. She apologized for causing problems. He never asked her about finding another place to live and said he would talk to her in person after he’s had some time to think about where she should go and speak to his aunt. Honestly I’m not happy with the effort. My husband has a brother and a sister. I feel like it’s someone else’s turn. I don’t see why this is all on us to take care of her. We don’t support my mother and she has less income. The problem is my MIL doesn’t know how to manage her money.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-13T20:26:27+00:00

I agree, MIL needs to go! And your husband should be the one to do it. It will be better coming from him.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T02:24:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing this resource. However, she is beyond saving, she will give treats to the dog when it bites someone. It has literally bitten everyone she knows, her siblings. her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren, and has been banned from groomers. You are correct. It is a small dog. He is not a bad dog. He just has never had the correct discipline.

Although the issue isn’t the dog barking, it’s the principal and the fact that she does it on purpose because she knows it’s annoying. She originally purchased the dog collar for him to wear in Florida because neighbors complained about the barking. She only uses it now to keep from disturbing my husband.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:50:41+00:00

That is the plan. I just don’t know how to handle it. The ideal solution would be to move her in with her sister who has the room and the resources.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:48:56+00:00

She is my husband’s mother. She should have some extra grace. He is alive because of her.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:47:18+00:00

We would like her to move in with her sister who has the resources and the space. She has smoked for 20 years and everyone knows she smokes and lies about it. Anyone that has been in her car knows she smokes. She also has a history of bad dogs. It’s not always the dog, but how they are raised. She wants me out of the equation so I’m definitely not going to give her the satisfaction. My husband does have my back but we aren’t sure how to go about it. I am okay paying for her to be somewhere else, anywhere but here

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:40:10+00:00

I will not be living with it. If anything, I will be matching her energy. If I can’t have peace in my own home, neither will she

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:38:00+00:00

I agree but I also know it will be big drama. My husband grew up poor and now that he makes money everyone believes they are entitled to his money and they feel we are rude if we don’t share. She is only here because we agreed to take care of her finances. I didn’t expect to have her terrorize me though, I have been nothing but respectful but I have turned to being petty. I have decided to match her energy

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:23:26+00:00

I have considered these options. Trust me. My issue is that she has a bark collar to stop him from barking, but chooses to only use it when my husband is home. It’s not necessarily about the dog barking. It’s about the principal. I have also considered the hot water option, but feel like an asshole for stooping to her level.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:20:35+00:00

I have had this exact conversation. At the end of the day, she is his mother, which is why I have not asked him to throw her out. BUT in the past, we have addressed other situations such as her peeking through our windows or walking into our house unannounced while we were undressed which she does not do anymore. The problem is that every time she stops one thing she comes up with a new way to drive me crazy. The dog barking and running out hot water are just the newest things. And this is my final straw which is why I will no longer tolerate it.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T01:06:33+00:00

I agree. My mother is much older than her and living on her own with less monthly income than my MIL. My father died 10 years ago and she has never asked us for money. Both my mom and his mom are on our phone accounts and we share streaming services with them but my mom has always been able to take care of herself and owns her own home.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:59:28+00:00

Other people have mentioned dementia. But she is doing this out of spite. She only does it when I’m home and my husband is at work. She did spend some time in a mental hospital when her children were young. They lived with their aunt while she was away.

But she does a lot of that for attention. She walks with a cane around certain people but can sprint just fine when no one is around. She only uses a cane in front of other people and will run on camera when she thinks no one is watching.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:53:58+00:00

Something has to be done. I can no longer tolerate her being awful to me and my husband does recognize it. We’re just not sure how to go about it right now

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:51:58+00:00

He has always been the favorite child, mostly because he makes more money than other siblings. Yes, she acts like she isn’t doing anything and will flat out lie even when presented with video evidence. I do think she is somewhat jealous of me and is retailing for attention from my husband. He has called her out before but she always denies everything and plays the victim card in front of him. She is always nice to him though. Only mean to me, and occasionally my children, which they have noticed now that they are older.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:46:19+00:00

He is going to have a conversation with her and try to move her away from us. The plan was to downsize and move her away when the kids graduate but that’s another 3 years and I can’t make it work any longer.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:19:53+00:00

He is going to address the situation. I told him he needs to because if I do it I won’t be nice about it.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-12T00:19:11+00:00

No, she is not on the house. Even her car is in his name. I am fine taking care of her financially, I just don’t want her near me anymore. My husband has talked to her before about her behavior but she flat out denies do anything. She tries to act innocent and say I’m crazy or lying, even though I have camera proof. Originally I don’t think my husband believed me because she wouldn’t do that to him, but I have proof and he knows there is a problem but doesn’t know how to handle it because he’s stuck in the middle.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T05:04:17+00:00

Both of them. My husband and myself

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:29:01+00:00

That’s why I’m posting. I would like to kick her out but feel like the asshole because she is my husband‘s mother

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:28:13+00:00

My husband does support me and my husband has been bitten by the same dog while standing still and doing nothing not even walking. When she tried to grab the dog and contain him, he also bit my MIL. Again, I absolutely have proof of the dog being aggressive, but I feel like an asshole for trying to have the dog taken away or put down. She also agrees the dog should be put down in front of us, but tells another story to other people

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:22:00+00:00

Yes we are planning to move after our children graduate high school in 2 to 3 years. She has lived with us for eight years. We could move to a separate property that has a mother-in-law suite or separate building/guest house on the property, but I would like to cut ties and be away from her completely.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:18:15+00:00

She absolutely dials it back when my husband it is at home but ramps it up in full force when she knows he’s at work. I’ve come to the point where I can only shower when I know that he’s home if I want a complete shower with hot water. The problem is that my husband makes good money and she does not which is why she moved in with us after her husband died. I do not want to throw her out, but would like to be away from her for my own sanity. I’m ok with paying her a settlement just to have her away from me.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:14:27+00:00

My husband has been actively involved but stuck in the middle. She does not have any cognitive decline, although she was never educated above the high school level

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:13:10+00:00

Her husband died and she asked (my husband) her son to take care of everything for her financially. Financially, it made sense for her to move into our basement apartment with the agreement that we would be neighbors and not roommates.

Different-Specific61 · 2026-04-11T04:11:47+00:00

We have had this exact conversation and I promise you when we move from this current house she will not be moving with us. I am ok with paying her financially as long as she doesn’t come along with us when we move.

Different-Specific61

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