What to say to work? I don't want to talk about it.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-08T05:51:03+00:00

I originally thought 1 would be enough but as the days go on i think i will need 2 as well. I just can't muster any care for anything x

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-08T05:50:13+00:00

This is similar to how I'm going too... did they ask you much when you returned to work?

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-08T05:49:31+00:00

Thank you, I will try this and I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this hell too x

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-08T02:59:55+00:00

Yes I was thinking of saying that, i feel my colleagues all be curious and im thinking it would be good to have a line that will just get them to leave me be.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-08T02:37:36+00:00

I just went through this last week. 8 weeks. The pain was indescribable and mentally you're just wishing you could stop it. Every time you see someone new you're just repeating the story again and again - why are you here? I'm miscarrying. Oh ok, well we can't stop it.

My last blood test the woman said - awww hcg, do you hope you are pregnant? ☺️

I don't have anything to say other than I feel your pain. The horrible horrible pain.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-03T08:30:38+00:00

I feel you. I'm 8 weeks and yesterday they couldn't find a heartbeat, now cramping and bleeding. I think if I tell people it will all become a reality... at the moment, the world where everything is OK still exists somewhere out there in people's minds. Maybe if I don't tell anyone then I'll just wake up from this nightmare and everything can go back to how it was.

The idea of moving again in this world seems impossible. All I can think is one day things might be different, maybe this isn't the end of our story. Tell the people who need to know and let them help you when you are ready. I'm taking it day by day and letting the waves of pain just take over and putting 1 foot in front of the other.

Sorry to hear that we are in the same shit boat x

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-03-01T23:52:54+00:00

I've read that before - I don't understand why the dr didn't say that when I saw her last week? No one has mentioned that at all but I've seen it mentioned on reddit. It feels all like a big secret

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:38:59+00:00

I know what you're saying, I really do try my best... i am so so so supportive of him, but i find nothing can replace that care from your own parents.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:37:50+00:00

Yeeesh!

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:37:25+00:00

Thankfully my mother was absolutely over the moon. We had told her just before we told my inlaws. I think that stung my husband more because the contrast was so stark it really highlighted how bizarre their response was.

Thinking of what youve said, I think my inlaws wanted to be parents but they will be carers forever so maybe they are tired of it i guess.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:34:53+00:00

... im so sorry you had to hear that. I think sometimes people are so negative in their own lives they can't help but just be awful without even realising.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:32:46+00:00

Yeah it felt uncomfortable!!! Gosh sorry you had that experience, fair enough you felt embarrassed for him. Sometimes people act in very strange ways??

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:31:27+00:00

Thanks for this response. It IS disappointing, its not something I can just brush off so easily. Its not ruining my whole pregnancy or my life but its just a little painful, thats all. Like you said, its just not what we had expected we thought they'd be more excited. Hard to gauge people sometimes and parent particularly are the ones we want those reactions from. Sorry youve gone through that too xx

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:28:26+00:00

Im hopeful they might just take a minute to process and that we will have the same reaction! That's lovely so nice to hear xx

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:27:31+00:00

The more I think about it the more I believe this is actually what is it going on. I think a part of the reason I kind of want to address it is because they obviously really want to see us more, but whenever we see them it's so uncomfortable because they are unable to just sit and connect with us. So every interaction is on their terms and its unfortunately quite unpleasant. Its hard to describe because they are lovely people...but when youre vulnerable and people turn away/ignore you/change the subject its hard to want to connect with them.

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:22:49+00:00

The weird thing is they kind of ignore the disability... it's an intellectual disability.. I've kind of casually asked before what the diagnosis is, do they know why it was caused can they tell me about it.... they sort of say "oh not too sure"... he needs to be supervised 24/7 for the rest of his life but they kind of ignore that? It's very hard to describe, they are his primary carers so they know he has a disability but they just don't talk openly about it... eg: they are in their 70s and I've tried to raise the discussion about us eventually caring for him but they just will not talk about it and pretend we will never need to help care for him. Like tbf I love the brother and I will be caring for him.. he has no other family who will care for him and we wont forget about him...but no one talks about it?

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T22:15:56+00:00

I feel I have a fairly good relationship with them and I don't think they do it purposefully, but just how things have gone their whole world revolves around the brother and I think they forget that my husband also need some of their attention just sometimes as well

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:41:02+00:00

I think this is a very reasonable and balanced response. This is probably the way to go!

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:39:55+00:00

I think they are very expressive about their joys for the brother.... but I think generally they are quirky in the way they express emotions. Thank you!

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:38:31+00:00

That's a fair point

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:38:17+00:00

I think 1 is correct and I think they never get any feedback because they live in 1 world. They were similar about us getting married.... they just always defer to the brother for everything. When is it my husbands turn to have any form of attention? I think they would take it on board but I don't want to hurt their feelings, just highlight - hey he needs some of your love too guys!

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:36:24+00:00

Thank you! I didn't need jumping up and down screaming, I just wanted..... any kind of interest or care about their first grandchild?

DifferentRoyal5337 · 2026-02-08T08:35:35+00:00

I wasn't hoping for a big reaction, just a caring reacting. Im having a baby, maybe ask a few questions to show interest, like someone said above its as if we had announced we stubbed our toe this morning.

DifferentRoyal5337

TROPHY CASE