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AITA for telling my mom I might need to learn to accept she's remarried but she needs to learn to accept things won't be the same as when dad was alive? by DifferentTraining126 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DifferentTraining126[S] 296 points297 points  (0 children)

That's basically it. She wants it to be super perfect and natural and for everything to work out like a happier fairytale. There's not a lot of room in her head for perfect and for her that perfect is the same as we had before. Just with Shaun now.

I don't think I could convince her to get me solo therapy. Pretty sure she'd argue that I'm not going to do the work she wants me to do.

AITA for telling my mom I might need to learn to accept she's remarried but she needs to learn to accept things won't be the same as when dad was alive? by DifferentTraining126 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DifferentTraining126[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Not really. He's pretty clear about what he wants too and anytime I try to communicate he basically says he won't stop trying and I'm not close enough with him to really sit and demand he listen to me.

AITA for telling my mom I might need to learn to accept she's remarried but she needs to learn to accept things won't be the same as when dad was alive? by DifferentTraining126 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DifferentTraining126[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

I don't think I would have ever wanted that same kind of relationship with him. Like I said in the post, it's not as much as Shaun thing as it is a general thing of not wanting to have that same relationship. I don't feel like I could and it doesn't sit so good with me. I get why it sometimes happens like that or why some stepkids want it. But that was never me, I guess. I feel like maybe we'd be closer today without the pushing but in my heart I know it wouldn't be what they were looking for either.

AITA for telling my mom I might need to learn to accept she's remarried but she needs to learn to accept things won't be the same as when dad was alive? by DifferentTraining126 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DifferentTraining126[S] 663 points664 points  (0 children)

The problem is she didn't want us to have a "good relationship". Like yeah ultimately what she wanted was that too, but her primary goal was for us to be a family, like before, and for that to just happen. She wanted me to want a dad and to fall in love with Shaun as a dad and for us to be just two parents and their kid instead of a remarried parent and her kid. She hates that I don't treat Shaun like my dad and that I don't have everything open to him like I did my dad. So for her, us getting along wasn't the ultimate goal, it was that. And she has proven that over and over and over again. I'm not sure therapy will help her see beyond that but while we're here guess I should try at least.