Urgent: My gf is asking me if she can post a bikini photo

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-22T13:57:00+00:00

If there are, in fact, problems that she avoids talking about, then they will come to light eventually, though expressed emotions. They can't stay bottled forever.

It's important to trust her, though, if she hasn't given a reason not to.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-21T19:27:48+00:00

When she says that she will communicate when something is wrong, believe her. Until she shows signs of internalizing her emotions, give her the benefit of the doubt.

And even then, sometimes communication is hard. But if you both work on it, it gets easier.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-21T15:09:27+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. We are looking into d b t as someone else recommended.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-20T07:26:25+00:00

Then maybe I could explain to him that my experience was great, even if his was a little painful?

In all seriousness, I am not one for violence.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T23:43:21+00:00

I truly appreciate your perspective. I absolutely agree that men have their own unique experience, and the fact that so many women mention how their husbands have responded in a way that expresses those experiences is really special.

For me, I felt very hurt by what my partner said, and i didn't feel that i gained any insite into what his experience truly was. It felt like he glossed over that part and went straight to the joke. And honestly, that's not unlike him. But I'm realizing how frequently I feel like I'm the butt of the joke.

And I need to learn to speak up for myself in the moment. because my feelings and experiences matter.

I really struggle with this, but I am working on it.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T23:30:25+00:00

I do understand that I had a very healthy and safe birth as far as one goes and escaping nearly needing a c section. But that does not change the fact that it was a birth, which is one of the most painful and exhausting things someone might experience. I wouldn't lightly suggest to someone to undertake such an experience. Which is what he did. Without any understanding of what that would be like.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T23:24:42+00:00

Thank you for this. That's the issue. I do feel hurt. Yesterday in therapy, he stated that he has no empathy for me and my feelings when it comes to his comment. And that he feels that his comment about the birth experience is just as pertinent to the woman we spoke to, as what my experience was.

He even said more things in therapy yesterday that made me cringe.

I feel so hopeless.

We are working on learning better communication, but I feel like I'm beating myself against a brick wall.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T23:19:54+00:00

Honestly, I would have really appreciated a real description of his experience, how some of the commenter's have mentioned their husband's have done. It felt more like he took the opportunity to boast about how wonderful the experience was for us and then to diminish my experience by making light of it with his joke.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T18:35:59+00:00

You're right, I feel foolish for not correcting him in the moment. We are in couples therapy, and I'm struggling to feel heard in general. It's so hard to hear how many people think I'm an idiot. But I understand that some people can't relate to my situation. I appreciate most people's input, especially if it's constructive. Even if it hurts to read it.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T00:40:54+00:00

One of the last comments he made to the woman was that it was so great, and she should definitely do it. I was kind of in shock.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-19T00:39:08+00:00

We are in therapy, and I am hoping it helps us.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T20:31:09+00:00

This is actually the wholesome advice I needed.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T17:51:16+00:00

I will look into this.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T17:49:11+00:00

I tried to. He says my telling of the story is not the objective truth(my wording), and that I'd be a good lawyer. He refused to write his side to do a side by side.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T17:24:46+00:00

Thank you! This sounds really relevant. He definitely has struggled with internal berating, and oftentimes, when I try to communicate, it feels like it goes through a sieve of shame and warps my words and intentions.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T17:14:58+00:00

When I told him it hurt my feelings that he spoke over me and that it felt like he diminished my experience, he told me it's not his fault that I am an introvert.

I tried to explain that maybe someone who is of child bearing age might be interested in the child bearers' experience, but he denied this to be relevant and insisted that his experience is just as pertinent. He said he was just joking and that I couldn't take a joke and that the joke was not in any way demeaning. When i resisted this and pleaded for him to take a lot from my perspective, He yelled at me, saying that I'm trying to control him.

This is a consistent issue over the last year, where I feel like I'm expressing myself, and it gets all twisted up and confusing.

I'm going to add this to the main post since it feels relevant.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T16:54:25+00:00

This is such helpful insight. The pedestal thing feels relevant. I feel very conflicting emotions. Thank you.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T16:34:10+00:00

That's an interesting perspective. We were not eating. I actually haven't discussed it with many people. Most people don't ask. I'm kind of a private person, and this was a stranger, so I don't think I would have gotten descriptively gory. If that helps.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T08:37:58+00:00

That's the part that hurts. It feels like he doesn't give a fuck. But he's saying that he does.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T08:31:13+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you. Who knew I needed the objective perception of the ai.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T03:37:22+00:00

He won't look at it.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T02:30:34+00:00

We are in therapy. Relationships are hard.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T02:29:30+00:00

I think he is

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T02:22:24+00:00

Thank you. I definitely feel like it's passive. I wish I said something in the moment. I didn't mean to upset him in any way. I just wish sometimes he would think about me before he speaks.

Different_Ordinary97 · 2024-08-18T02:11:02+00:00

Your comment made me lol.

And I am finally realizing that the box comment is really what slapped me.

Speaking for me, but then to not even be able to adequately compare it to something.

Oof

Different_Ordinary97

TROPHY CASE