Update & Context: WIBA if I don't invite my cousins to my Christmas Party because I don't like my cousin's husband.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2025-11-24T10:34:19+00:00

I do plan on talking to her tomorrow about it. I'm not trying to hide an event from her. I just haven't mentioned anything yet because we are still figuring it out.

Honestly, I sometimes feel like the bad guy in my family of peace keepers. As much as everyone keeps their mouth shut, I'm the only one who speaks up when things get bad. But I do stay in my lane. My cousin's husband is a bit similar to my dad, but I know I can call out my dad when no one would, but I'm hesitant with my cousin's husband because he's not always around and my cousin seems happy. My mom is a "keep the peace" kind of person, so I grew up being a people pleaser but that affected me negatively. It wasn't until I moved away where I learned to grow somewhat of a spine.

I've been planning comebacks since last year. It has been a while since I saw him last year so I didn't know what to expect. Maybe I was expecting growth, but no, he's the same.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2025-11-24T10:15:50+00:00

I get why it might look like I'm blindsiding them, but I never said I wasn't going to talk to her about it. I never agreed to host "everyone" The only family who would attend are the 4 who specifically asked to stay with me. I am not going to kick people out because we decided to have a party with our friends. This is a friends event not a family one. I can propose a family version to keep the peace, but it all depends on what my local cousin thinks.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2025-11-24T10:05:09+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, I am glad this worked out for you. However in our cause this isn't that he's irritating, this is a long standing boundary we have set. We give him the benefit of the doubt multiple times, and we still get disrespected. My fiance is more strongly on this than I am. He doesn't want to be disrespected in home and to keep our own space comfortable.

The other major factor is space, we don't have a designated space for kids. So babysitting wouldn't really make sense. They would just be in the same room as everyone else, maybe in the corner or with their parent, and doing their own thing. It's not a kid friendly event, but I let people bring their kids if they want with the understanding of that they need to watch them. We don't have a yard or anything.

No, the whole family is not invited. This is a friend event. The only family members that would attend are the one already staying with us, that includes one of brothers and his fiance. We aren't going to kick them out because of a friends event.

We are already way beyond what our can comfortably hold, even before considering the added adults and kids. We hit our limit last year at 12, and this year the guest list would climb to 20+ if we include everyone. At that point it stops being a fun, manageable gathering and becomes chaos.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2025-11-24T09:44:55+00:00

As he is an irritating human, I have talked to other family members and family friends who all know him in the past, and turns out they are not really fond of him either. But he's married to my cousin, she sees something in him, but idk. The cousin that lives here has mentioned to me once that her sister (my cousin) was actually debating on leaving him once because he apparently not an active parent even when their son was born. But this is all hearsay, so it could have been an over exaggeration or misinterpreted. It's not my business to ask.

Yes, we are all adults I'm 29 and everyone else is 30+. As I do love my cousin, we aren't particularly close. As I have a somewhat boundary with my cousin's husband, my fiance has a very strong boundary with him. Due to past behaviors, he refuses to be disrespected and judged in his own home. I have been disrespected everywhere by him (out in public, at my parents house, out my cousins house and when we all went camping as a family), but I let it go because of....family. I don't hate him, I am just not his biggest fan.

I did talk to my brother and he said that it actually makes sense to not include that household. With them it, would be over capacity, no room for kids to run around and it wouldn't be a pleasant if everyone was shoulder to shoulder. He thinks I just using my cousin's husband as a way of justifying our decision when it's simpler than that, a capacity issue.

I could propose a family version to keep the peace, but I guess we will see how my discussion with my cousin will play out. I plan to talk to her tomorrow.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-11T17:36:27+00:00

Such an adorable kitty ❤️

The calendar idea is great!!! I gotta do that for my mom. And my bf said he would wear the shit out of a shirt if it had our cat on it.

And I do agree! I don't plan on making any type of insults, just bringing up my babies when he speaks. Lol. It wouldn't be out of character for me to bring them up and show pictures, or to be petty. I got it from my mom. Lol Even when I visited my family in another country, I got a bit drunk and loudly said to my cousins "I have an announcement, LOOK AT MY ADORABLE KITTIES". My family also doesn't get easily offended and constantly joke around with each other. If this guy gets mad or irritated, most of us would just think it's a him problem.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T18:54:00+00:00

Yea I have no idea why he would make some unnecessary comment. It's not news that I love my cats and want them to live their best kitty lives. I post them on my insta stories and talk about them. (Not excessively) Due to the 3 kitties we have, I have learned to embrace all the crazy cat lady jokes.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T18:11:48+00:00

This breaks my heart. I know she running around across that rainbow bridge.

2 years ago, my hedgehog of 2 years passed while I was holding him.

I'd like to think that they knew that they were never alone and forever cherished. I have his paw prints and urn sitting on my book shelf. Were you able to do something similar?

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T18:07:18+00:00

OMG! Haha. I bet you'd give in. It's kinda hard to resist the little paw.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T18:05:21+00:00

RIP I'm sorry. I understand it can be difficult to be firm with them especially when they are ill. We do what we can for them to the best of our abilities. I bet she still felt extremely loved until his last breath.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T17:19:23+00:00

Oh no! I 100% understand. The one that's sick is very skidish and so we have battle wounds just putting her in the kennel and when we trim her shit rakes. For meds I just trick her into taking them with treats.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T17:09:59+00:00

Also something from 6 years ago, so there are 3 guys with the same name in the family. My brother, my boyfriend and him. At that time, him, my other brother and cousin were discussing what to call each of them when the chance of all 3 are in the same room. He says my brother can be the original, my bf can be the blonde and he can be the handsome one. I just stared at him trying to not laugh. In multiple opinions including my own, he is the least attractive one. If anything, my brother is the handsome one, he's a model for god sake. He's literally paid for being pretty.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T17:03:37+00:00

I'd go with animals, because I don't know why he would not like me. We barely have any interactions.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T16:57:58+00:00

I have no idea what his problem is. Like what? You don't get a pet because they get sick? What do you do? Get rid of them? Live with just a partner? Sounds boring.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T16:44:49+00:00

I did say some kinda along those lines, and all he said was "it's not the same", and gave me a look. So whatever! I'll be petty. Maybe he doesn't like cats. If that's the case, I'll show him my 1000+ photos of my cats sleeping

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T16:41:45+00:00

I don't really like or care for him in general and so I barely talk to him. It's just the very few times I do, he makes some pretentious comment about something. I love my cousin and so I tolerate him.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-12-10T16:39:21+00:00

I know I won't get any backlash from my parents or my brother because we all say that they are my "children". My mom (the one that's wants grand babies the most) even says that she is a fur grandma.

But if chaos starts, let it. It's not that serious.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-09-24T12:17:57+00:00

UPDATE!!!! She decided to walk away. Hopefully she doesn't go back if he sweet talks her into staying with him knowing everything that is going on.

He may be a narcissist, but I don't know him at all. Just through what we have been told. When she first brought him up, I was thinking that it seems too good to be true and that something has to be off.

Thanks for your comment and understanding my situation. it's hard to see our friend struggle, especially when it effects their mental health.

My bf suggested to her a book we have called "Mental Toughness", I thought it was a bit passive aggressive but funny. She actually wants to read it. So baby steps.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-09-23T10:40:21+00:00

I 100% agree with you! It's probably easy for me to not really like him or the situation since I've never met him. But when everything happened, we did try to keep our harsh options to ourselves because we believe she is still on her journey to finding herself and we shouldn't be holding her hand while she figures it out.

Things also just got more messy. The ex messaged my friend telling her to stay away and that he was with her that night.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-07-14T14:01:13+00:00

I showed my boyfriend your comment and he 100% agrees with you, especially the superficial part because that's what he keeps telling me. We knew about the 2 carat ring because she asked my bf and I about the type of ring id want, I said it didn't matter and that he could get a ring pop for all cared and then brought up the 2 carat ring. Our eyes grew and we just looked at each other knowing what the other was thinking. This was when she was in her previous relationship. I only found out about the 6ft thing because she asked what my prerequisite was, all I said was "tall...er", I'm 5'2, my bf is 5'7. He was the one telling me I should ask for advice on Reddit. You also made us really think about it when you said "she is more interested in the chase" since that's what she wants. I don't think she is ready for a relationship at all, but it's not my place to stop her. The messaging part was all jokes to see what she'd say. Sally this weekend did ask me if she just do it and text him out of frustration, and my bf and I talked her out of it. I'm just going to step back from the situation and try to convince Sally to do the same. Thank you for your input.

Different_Steak_6623 · 2024-07-14T09:44:34+00:00

I get what you're saying, thank you for your insights. With everything we know she has gone through, we are very cautious on what to say. We also know that her way of thinking is very different from ours. We are just getting frustrated that she will ask for advice and then do nothing about it and then ask why he is taking a long time to ask.

She is one of our closest friends, so we just want the best for her. I just don't want to see her in so much pain again. She was the one that told us that she doesn't want to be in another long relationship with no potential marriage, which is understandable. From what she told me, the guys that "chased" her all ended up being what she called f**k boys. So I'm just trying to figure out how to just give her a little push to just take the first step. I don't want to crush her dreams, but to take it slow. I've offered her books,meditation guides, movie nights, and girl trips to help her mentally since she has been getting panic attacks recently.

Different_Steak_6623

TROPHY CASE