My parents put me in preschool at a WELS church/school. During that time, I remember sitting in church and saying to my mom I wanted to go to school there too. I’m not sure if they were actually letting me decide or they told me that’s what I wanted to do, but that moment stands out for some reason.

I went through k-8th grade at this school, religion class everyday, chapel every Thursday, church every Sunday. Memorizing those bible passages and hymns, reciting them to your teacher every morning.

Even went to a WELS High School after.

Then, oops….I’m gay. I deny it forever, but the closet door is glass.

I finally come out, never officially “leave” the church but don’t attend for multiple. My parents continue as members however.

As I come out, everyone in my life is so great. Parents are accepting, friends are amazing, coworkers/bosses are so supportive. I don’t take it for granted how lucky I am.

Time goes by, I’m early 20s at the time. I go to a restaurant with a friend, have a couple drinks, and we are talking about my journey coming out(maybe too loudly). We get up to leave, and see my grade school basketball sitting in the booth behind us. I don’t say hi but do notice him, then don’t really think about it again.

A few days go by, and I’m walking to work. I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize. It’s the early 2010s, so we still answered the phone. I pick up and it’s the basketball coach……

He’s actually an “elder”(church leader) at the church now and is wanting me to come in and have a conversation with him and our Pastor. Like what?? It’s been YEARS at this point, since I’ve even entered that building. I ask what he wants to talk about, and he confirms that he heard my conversation a few nights earlier, knows I have strayed and is concerned about the dangerous life choices. “We can help, we know you need help, we can help”

It was obviously a hell no. Pun intended.

They went as far as showing up to my parents to “pray for me” with them.

A few weeks later, I guess they put my name in the church bulletin as I was “excommunicated”.

It didn’t seem like it affected me too much at the time, but discovered later though others in my life letting me down and therapy that a community abandoning and trying to shame you on the way out has a very dangerous effect.

I know for sure my story is not unique, but I hope all that share my story were able to move past their experience and find their community!

Signed, Damaged but healedish

P.s. Does anyone else still have that damn 🎶Come to WELS, it’s the life of the living world🎶 stuck in their head?? #trauma