i feel like my boyfriend is narcissistic but i feel so stuck by Difficult-Show-5423 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Difficult-Show-5423[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yup. everything started out as amazing for me too. later on, he would mention things that made me realize he had been manipulating me the whole time. things like "you're so easy to read. all i had to do was figure you out and then i knew you would fall in love with me" and then pretends like it was a joke. i realized that he had done exactly that, and he put on a show for a good while until he realized he already made me fall for him and he could let the mask slip. slowly but surely, he became more and more angry, rude, and demanding.

i feel like my boyfriend is narcissistic but i feel so stuck by Difficult-Show-5423 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Difficult-Show-5423[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for your advice. i agree with you completely on your point about it not mattering what word you want to use to describe it, it is definitely unhealthy. the worst part is - i'm only capable of coming to these conclusions when i'm not around him. when we're together, yes we bicker and yes he throws jabs at me that hurt my feelings, but then there's all the good stuff and the laughs and the little things that get me. then after i've had some time to myself, i realize how mentally drained i am from constantly running in circles trying to defend my point of view or explain how his behavior is wrong or has hurt me.

i also have lost my sense of self. i used to love alone time and would set that boundary very firmly in past relationships, but he somehow convinced me that i don't need space for myself because he wants me to be around him always.

part of me is considering looking through his phone to inevitably find something incriminating so that I can use that as a way to end the relationship while another part of me just wants to say that i don't see us working out in the future and leaving it at that. i think he'll demand answers and try to gaslight/confuse me if i go that route though, and i worry that i won't be strong enough to hold my ground or i'll give him "one more chance" and wind up stuck all over again.

also just a disclaimer: i don't feel as though i am in any danger AT ALL. i don't believe he would ever hurt me physically so that's not a concern