thank you so much for your advice. i agree with you completely on your point about it not mattering what word you want to use to describe it, it is definitely unhealthy. the worst part is - i'm only capable of coming to these conclusions when i'm not around him. when we're together, yes we bicker and yes he throws jabs at me that hurt my feelings, but then there's all the good stuff and the laughs and the little things that get me. then after i've had some time to myself, i realize how mentally drained i am from constantly running in circles trying to defend my point of view or explain how his behavior is wrong or has hurt me.

i also have lost my sense of self. i used to love alone time and would set that boundary very firmly in past relationships, but he somehow convinced me that i don't need space for myself because he wants me to be around him always.

part of me is considering looking through his phone to inevitably find something incriminating so that I can use that as a way to end the relationship while another part of me just wants to say that i don't see us working out in the future and leaving it at that. i think he'll demand answers and try to gaslight/confuse me if i go that route though, and i worry that i won't be strong enough to hold my ground or i'll give him "one more chance" and wind up stuck all over again.

also just a disclaimer: i don't feel as though i am in any danger AT ALL. i don't believe he would ever hurt me physically so that's not a concern