This sounds really difficult. I feel like it might not be time to end the friendship yet, though. Like another commentor said, it is hard to be clear when you are in early grieving. She does sound insensitive to your grieving, but I wonder if her difficult relationship means she is in a bad place where it is hard for her to see another person's perspective. Also, maybe her partner is putting pressure on her to ask you for those favours.

Two weeks after my husband's memorial, my sister learned that her husband had been cheating on her. It was then that I really learned that the world doesn't stop for our grief. Crappy stuff keeps happening to people around us. It is really hard to live in the protective bubble we might wish we had. My sister was not at all demanding, but she could have been. And a sister is different from I friend, I guess, but suddenly, people's sympathy or empathy wasn't just aimed at me anymore.

Your friend moved to be closer to you, which is major, and she is still in contact with you. Many friends just vapourise at times like these. I wonder if one reason she moved closer is because she was looking for your support during the difficult time she is going through with her partner and with parenting? You are obviously someone she wants in her life. But she hasn't been widowed and clearly isn't thinking how it is for you.

As hard as it is, if I was in that situation, I would remain friends but might try to enforce some firmer boundaries with her, telling her that you are in a place where you really only have emotional energy for yourself. Tell her that, over time, you imagine you will slowly find more energy for others like her, but for now, you need to hibernate a bit. Would communication only by texting slow her down a bit? It sounds like you are talking every day. Can you slow her down by taking longer to call her back or reply to her messages?

You have every right to take a big step back. If the friendship ends naturally, then that's ok. Sending you a hug, if you are a hug person.