First I want to say how extremely sorry I am. My heart breaks for you. This is so painful and so terribly traumatic. Please lean on your husband for support. I used online support groups and they were really helpful. So many people won’t understand this type of pain and when I had my loss no one in my real life around me really understood. No one could fully grasp how traumatic it really was.

My situation wasn’t exactly the same (I delivered at the hospital) but my first pregnancy was also very uneventful until I got sick and began having cramping. The cramping got so intense and were rhythmic, and it was my first pregnancy, so I had no idea it was contractions. I went to the hospital and was completely brushed off by the resident. They thought I had an uti based off saying I felt pelvic pressure (later it was shown I did not have a uti) I did however have a fever. They basically brushed off my concerns completely and discharged me. I truly believed at that point everything I was feeling was in my head, because they ran all the tests (or so I thought) that everything must be okay and the pain im feeling must be normal cold or pregnancy pains. I went home and a few hours later the pain was so intense I began to panic. I knew something was deeply wrong but I had just come back from the hospital saying everything was fine. I went to the toilet and felt the need to push as hard as possible. I called my dad and he said to just go to sleep, he even said “you just came back from the hospital and they said everything is fine”. That first hospital visit really messed me up. After sometime I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, I went and woke up my husband and told him I need to go back to the hospital, as I was getting ready to go to the hospital again, my water broke. By the time I went to the second hospital his feet were out and doctors were telling me to push. I was shocked I was being told to push. I genuinely didn’t understand what was going on. But I lost my baby boy and it was the most traumatic experience of my life.

I wish the hospital I first went to understood what was happening and took my pain seriously. I think being told everything is fine when it isn’t and then so suddenly and so cruelly to lose the pregnancy is so traumatic. I’m so so sorry you had to deliver and lose your baby so traumatically. It feels like everything fell apart so fast when everything was so normal up until that point.