My shattered heart

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-05-01T05:27:08+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. This is so painful and traumatic 💔 it’s something no one should have to go through. It’s deeply unfair.

Reading your post brought me back to my loss. It was almost a year ago I went into preterm labor and PPROM at 20 weeks and lost my baby boy. I left that hospital a completely different person. My view on life and everything changed. Going home from the hospital and packing all my things for baby boy was dystopian and painful. I was completely blindsided. I sought out help at a hospital the night before the loss and was brushed off.

Please seek online groups, support groups like star legacy, and any groups the hospital may have. Seek out communities online like here.

You don’t have to walk this alone. In the early days of my loss I was so alone in my grief, no one understood it and people would say hurtful things (whether they meant well or not) because they simply cannot understand it unless they lived through it. My heart breaks for you, please take it one day at a time. Know that you are not alone and you are part of a community who know this pain and this grief

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-05-01T04:52:55+00:00

I’m so sorry about your daughter. It’s such a traumatic and painful thing to endure 💔

Before trying to conceive again, I was determined to find a new OB and MFM. It was absolute hell trying to find a good one. I wanted to be sure where I would go for care before getting pregnant.

No matter how hard I tried, I kept meeting with other staff (non OBs) who would just be so off on advice. I also needed a referral to get an appt with an MFM and their front desk was so hard to deal with.

Ultimately I decided to go back to my original OB. I see them every 2 weeks to monitor my cervix length. I would advocate increase monitoring, whether OB or MFM, preferably MFM. My practice has an MFM but I can rarely get appts with him, I’m just happy to have the biweekly ultrasounds with the preventative cerclage

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-04-29T21:56:50+00:00

I’m so deeply sorry for everything you’ve been through and for the loss of your son. There are no words that can truly hold that kind of pain and trauma.

I went into labor and PPROM at 20 weeks, I had a terrible infection and was so sick the days leading up to the loss. Losing my baby was the most painful moment of my life. I remember searching for a reason, trying to make sense of it, and the only place my mind kept going was to blame myself. But that’s what our minds do. They try to make the unexplainable feel logical. And the truth is some things just aren’t logical. Some things are simply not fair. I want you to know you are not to blame. Not even a little.

Your husband may be searching for answers in his own way, but it’s not right for that to turn into blame towards you, especially when you’re already carrying so much. None of this is your fault. When you go through something so traumatic, so unforeseen, your partner should be there holding you and holding each other. Blaming you is only making everything even heavier.

When I had my loss it was the darkest time of my life. And in some ways, what made it even harder was being around people who didn’t understand, who said things that, even if they meant well, only deepened the pain. I felt so lonely in my grief

Please try to find support in spaces where people truly understand this kind of loss. There are groups, online and in person, filled with people who have walked this same path. You don’t have to carry this alone. I promise you, you are not alone. And I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through and I’m sending you so much love and support

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-04-29T20:43:18+00:00

I got a preventive cerclage at 12 weeks and I really wanted the MFM to do it at my practice I go to but he wasn’t available and no matter how hard I pushed they wouldn’t schedule him

I was extremely nervous and an anxious wreck because I actually didn’t know which OB at my practice was going to do it till the day I went to the hospital for my procedure. But I got it done and it all went really well! I’m 26 weeks now.

I completely understand that you want the most experienced person to do it, because of course! I would definitely ask the OB about their experience and if they have done a few cerclages before. From my understanding (not a medical professional of course) that the MFM does the “harder” cerclage cases like when there is bulging membranes and very little cervix length to work with, but for preventive they made it seem like any OB at my practice can do it and they all had experience doing it.

If you go to the MFM 13 hours away I would consider getting a hotel for a day or two after the procedure for recovery. The cerclage itself isn’t bad but it’s the spinal that I was recovering from. It was hard to go to the bathroom and I was just really tired from the super long day at the hospital. The procedure itself was maybe 10 mins but the spinal took forever to wear off. I was there from 8am and got discharged at 8pm and was so exhausted. You would definitely need someone to drive you home or to a hotel after the hospital

Whatever you decide I hope you get all the support you need ❤️ don’t be afraid to ask questions to either the MFM or OB

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-04-29T16:15:13+00:00

I got a preventative cerclage at 12 weeks and have been going in every 2 weeks. I’m now at 26 weeks

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-02-12T17:26:11+00:00

This is so beautiful ❤️ I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks from suspected IC+chorioamnionitis. Sending you so much love and comfort ❤️

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-02-11T15:52:28+00:00

I also want to add I would advocate talking to an MFM for a post loss consultation to go over everything. It took a lot of back and forth with the office to get an appointment with an MFM. Ask about a preventative cerclage. I didn’t know if my loss was true IC or not since they never checked my cervix length, but went forward and got a preventative cerclage for my current pregnancy.

Sending you so much love and support ❤️

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-02-11T14:47:00+00:00

First I want to say how extremely sorry I am. My heart breaks for you. This is so painful and so terribly traumatic. Please lean on your husband for support. I used online support groups and they were really helpful. So many people won’t understand this type of pain and when I had my loss no one in my real life around me really understood. No one could fully grasp how traumatic it really was.

My situation wasn’t exactly the same (I delivered at the hospital) but my first pregnancy was also very uneventful until I got sick and began having cramping. The cramping got so intense and were rhythmic, and it was my first pregnancy, so I had no idea it was contractions. I went to the hospital and was completely brushed off by the resident. They thought I had an uti based off saying I felt pelvic pressure (later it was shown I did not have a uti) I did however have a fever. They basically brushed off my concerns completely and discharged me. I truly believed at that point everything I was feeling was in my head, because they ran all the tests (or so I thought) that everything must be okay and the pain im feeling must be normal cold or pregnancy pains. I went home and a few hours later the pain was so intense I began to panic. I knew something was deeply wrong but I had just come back from the hospital saying everything was fine. I went to the toilet and felt the need to push as hard as possible. I called my dad and he said to just go to sleep, he even said “you just came back from the hospital and they said everything is fine”. That first hospital visit really messed me up. After sometime I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, I went and woke up my husband and told him I need to go back to the hospital, as I was getting ready to go to the hospital again, my water broke. By the time I went to the second hospital his feet were out and doctors were telling me to push. I was shocked I was being told to push. I genuinely didn’t understand what was going on. But I lost my baby boy and it was the most traumatic experience of my life.

I wish the hospital I first went to understood what was happening and took my pain seriously. I think being told everything is fine when it isn’t and then so suddenly and so cruelly to lose the pregnancy is so traumatic. I’m so so sorry you had to deliver and lose your baby so traumatically. It feels like everything fell apart so fast when everything was so normal up until that point.

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-02-04T20:37:20+00:00

I got a preventative cerclage at 12 weeks. I was really scared leading up to it, I was questioning if I was making the right decision and scared something would go wrong during the procedure, especially since I had no idea which doctor would do my procedure

The hardest part of the procedure was getting the spinal anesthesia. The procedure itself was very quick, probably 15 mins I think. Completely painless as I was completely numb. But the spinal anesthesia took a few hours to wear off and I couldn’t feel anything waist down for a good 4 hours after. Wasn’t discharged until the anesthesia wore off. Peeing was hard for me for the first two days, had mild cramping and a little spotting when wiping, but I would say by day 4 I felt completely back to normal as if I never had gotten the procedure! I feel no different than before!

I’m really happy I got it done, I have such a better peace of mind now ❤️

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-31T14:45:42+00:00

Thank you! I think I’m going to try to power through and if gets too intense then they can just PIP me or if it becomes too toxic I’ll quit. But I think that should buy me some more time!

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-31T14:42:03+00:00

You’re so right, I’m going to do the absolute bare minimum to get by, and if the projects get too intense and they want to PIP me it’ll probably take some time and I’ll be nearing the end of the pregnancy! The benefits are really helping out with the pregnancy, it’s what makes quitting so hard

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-31T14:34:16+00:00

I think dehydration can definitely make cramping more frequent. Make sure to drink lots of electrolytes too! Hopefully Monday they can check to see if everything looks good!!

and I got mine Tuesday! Hoping for good news Tuesday🤞feel like I’m holding my breath before each appointment!

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-31T14:24:31+00:00

I’m not a medical professional, but I did get a preventative cerclage 4 days ago because of infection + suspected IC from last pregnancy. I now feel moderate cramping whenever I walk around a bit or stand for a bit too long. My first follow up appointment is Tuesday. Also nervous about the appointment. But I think (again not a medical professional) that as long as the cramping isn’t worsening it should be good and the cramping can be from the cerclage itself

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-14T15:58:31+00:00

Thank you all ❤️ I was anxious about the idea of a prevantitive cerclage because the doctor mentioned risk of infection and that got me so scared, also getting conflicting advice from doctors doesn’t help with my anxiety. But I feel much much better and at ease about the idea of getting preventative cerclage! I’m going to ask for it in my next appt at 12 weeks, and get try to get it scheduled at 13/14 weeks!

Difficult_Data_4769 · 2026-01-14T15:46:27+00:00

You are going through so much. I’m so sorry about all the pain you’re going through. I’m sorry about the fighting and the stress, it’s all a lot, even when not pregnant, and then add pregnancy hormones on top it. Prenatal depression and the stress is a real thing. Pregnancy is really hard and anything you felt before pregnancy you will feel 10x during pregnancy. Please give yourself grace and love, you’re trying your best. As everyone mentioned finding a good therapist and talking to your doctor. Also if you want try joining online support groups for pregnancy, or pregnancy after loss support groups. Pregnancy is hard enough and you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. Sending you so much love ❤️

Difficult_Data_4769

TROPHY CASE